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collegue asks for fwb

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by greeneyes101, Jul 9, 2015.

  1. greeneyes101

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    hi guys,

    I've been working for 2 years at the ffem company now and well there's this collegue who has taken interest in me.

    its pretty clear he wants more than I can give.
    Today when I was walking towards my car he stopped me and asked me if I would go out with him for a drink. I agreed (I mean I like going out with people and friends)

    As the conversation got along, he suddenly asked me if I wanted to have sex with him. I was kinda schocked at the question and didnt knew how to respond, since i'm not outing myself at work.. (I have a responsable postiion at the company and I fear it might damage it :/)

    he noticed my expression and he was like: well?
    I just smiled nervously and said: well I'm not really sure I do such things.. and I walked over to my car as if the building was on fire...

    I mean, did I give him some hints that i'd like him? I like to tease, but I tease everybody at work thats just who I am? and everyone knows that.
    he's known for having women at work, some of my collegues warned me for him.

    so anyone got an idea what I could do or how to control this situation? I'm really not ready to out myself at work :/
     
    #1 greeneyes101, Jul 9, 2015
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2015
  2. yaoicore

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    tell him that you have some one or tell him that your not interested
     
  3. greeneyes101

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    well thats the thing, he kinda hinted for answers a few times earlier but I always said no I'm seeing someone, or I brushed it off telling him Id prefer to be single but he doesn't give up...
     
  4. confusedbubble

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    Tell him your not interested in a relationship with someone from work tell him you value your job and don't want to ruin it if it was to go sour
     
  5. Beebop

    Beebop Guest

    Based off of what you've stated regarding his behavior, he is not going to let up. Telling him you are attached or you wish to remain single is not a deterrent for people who behave like this. They don't care what your relationship status is or that you don't wish to be bothered with their "affections". You need to be clear and firmly tell him flat out that you are not interested in him and never will be. Do not beat around the bush in fear of upsetting him or making things awkward between you two, as he's clearly already done just that. You also need to keep any interaction with him very brief and entirely of a professional nature. I don't know what sexual harrassment laws, if any, protect you from this type of behavior in the Netherlands, but if he persists after following this course of action, you should look into speaking with your HR department. Again, do not concern yourself with his feelings. No one has the right to make you uncomfortable at work.
     
  6. Open Arms

    Open Arms Guest

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    This guy sounds like a sexual predator. Let someone at work know what he's up to. There's no way you should have to put up with this, whether you are gay, hetero, or something in between.
     
  7. QueerTransEnby

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    It borders on sexual harassment. Say that you are not interested in mixing work with pleasure. You aren't looking for girls at work, so it isn't lying.
     
  8. Aspen

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    The first thing: Don't blame yourself.

    Be clear with this guy. Don't leave any possibility of wiggle room with him. You don't owe him anything beyond the fact that you're not interested, although if you think mentioning that you don't want to be involved with coworkers will help do that. Do not agree to meet with him outside work again. If he doesn't let up, seek help from someone at work that you trust.
     
  9. Cider

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    You need to be firm with this guy. You need to let him know that you are NOT interested, because if he continues, then it could be harassment if he gets more pushy.