I'm a 16 year old gay guy. I come from a pretty conservative Christian family and you can imagine the response I got when I came out... my dad told me that I'm choosing to hang out with perverts and stuff and I told him that I've been with girls in the past and had to think about guys to get things going so I'm definitely gay and he was totally disgusted. They said they want me to go to this camp that they say will "fix things". I didn't want to go so I left home and now I live with my boyfriend. They say I can come back if I agree to go to that camp but I really don't want to go because I know I'm gay and no camp can change that. I really feel like shit and now I don't go to school but just hang out with my friends all day and do drugs. What can I do to get my parents to back off and not send me to that camp? Is there anyone here who was in this situation? Thanks.
Damn...it's a shame conversion therapy (I'm assuming thats what the camp is for) is still legal in most states. This is why I'm not coming out until I'm out of the house lol. Do you have any other family members that are supportive? not even one to talk sense into your parents? I'm sorry you have to go through this :/
First of all... stay off the drugs. Weed is fine, even shrooms arn't bad, but anything else can put you on the streets. I lived on the streets for 3 years, and it's not something I would wish on anyone. Now that I've got that over with... Never, EVER agree to go to one of those camps, they are essentially a mild form of concentration camp. It makes me so mad when people decide they love their god more than their own family. I'm sad to say that what you did, is probably the best option. It's a shame to admit it, but unless you're family comes to their senses, you're on your own. Just make sure to accept any help that is offered to you, turn nothing away. Don't let your pride get in the way, accept handouts. If a relative offers you a place to live, take it, if someone offers you money, take it. Trust me, you'll need it down the line.
Thanks for the replies. I don't really have any relatives to go to because a lot of them are more messed up then my parents like they homeschool their kids to keep them away from "worldly" influences. Today I talked to my brother and he said I gotta "stop acting like a brat" and go to that camp. There's NO WAY I'm going there I read stories about people who killed themselves because they messed them up so bad in there. I get these thoughts sometimes that I could get kidnapped and get sent there. There people who kidnap "troubled teens" to take then to places, it happened to a guy I knew at school. I do more than weed and shrooms but I need it to calm myself down when I get depressed about my parents hating me and thinking I'm a pervert and that I'm basically without a family.
Hey man I hope you somehow can find some peace with yourself. Do you have friends you can talk to? I'm not out yet, but one thing I'm sure is that I would never go to one of those camps. Those camps always make me wonder about their "methodology" to fix things. Those must be pretty crazy. A lot of brainwashing, outdated psychology. I'm glad there aren't any of those horrible places here in my country. I don't think those places exist in the entire EU. By the way, any chance those camps will disappear in the USA now that the Supreme Court has legalized gay marriage in all States? Now it definitely doesn't make sense anywhere. Never did in the first place.
You might try contacting your local PFLAG chapter for some help with your parents. If they are just ignorant of the reality of being gay, some education for them may help. It is also imperative that you get them to watch the movie "Prayers for Bobby" as a first step which may help them change their attitude about understanding what you are going through. The movie "Latter Days" would also be a good view for them. You can usually find the movies online on you tube. If they care about you at all, they should at least be willing to spend a couple of hours doing that. And for your work, quit putting that poison into your body and get back to school. Somebody has to have their head straight to deal with your problem logically and constructively, and with your parents not stepping up to do it yet, it is going to have to be you.
Yossarian, thanks for the movie recs, I'll check them out and forward it to my parents. I really hope it'll get them to think about this like normal people and quit being so nasty about this. I don't know how this whole situation willturn out but thank you guys so much for all the support. I don't really have anyone right now except for my bf so it's good to talk to people. I'm going to try working things out. I don't really have a plan yet but right now I can't go back home and I'm trying to get over that. I'll keep all your guys posted. Again thank you.
Hi, Rin. I don't think going back home is a good idea. I do think that you are at risk of being kidnapped and taken to a conversion school, and some of those places are downright scary and actually illegal (they escort you out of the country to a "school" in the Dominican Republic where there is no governmental oversight.) But at the same time, you're on a very, very dangerous path with the drugs -- the idea that you "need" them to calm down is entirely false even though it feels real to you, and it will almost certainly lead to addiction. So that *must* stop if you want to have any hope of a normal life. I would contact your local LGBT center. Most of them have counseling and resources for kids that have been kicked out of their homes. It might be an option to, with their help contact your local child protection agency and they may be able to help with a foster care placement. The issue will be ensuring that the CPS worker understands the risk of your going back to your family... and sometimes that can be a challenge, but with the help of the LGBT center that should not be an issue. PFLAG could also be helpful but they tend to be pretty loose and limited on resources. You might find a family there that will take you in, but if you do (or if you go into foster) the drugs will have to stop entirely... which means you'll have to learn to deal with the feelings by working through them... which you're going to need to do anyway. This is something you can get through, and the fact you're posting here asking for help shows you're resourceful and capable. I suggest you start taking steps *today* to help yourself. It's unfortunate that your parents are ignorant and bigoted, but the best option you have now is to stand on your own and seek out help. We are also here to help... so please stick around and continue talking about what's going on. That will be a big help I think.
From what I've heard, taking drugs when depressed can be extremely dangerous. Please take the advice of everyone above and stay off drugs. At least, you can begin by cancelling out heavy drugs from your life.
I'm very much an adherent of "hope for the best, but prepare for the worst." You might not be able to return home if you refuse to go to that camp- which you should continue to do, btw...do not, under any circumstances, go to that camp. Get back in school. I know it sounds trite, but if you have to take care of yourself, you're going to need an education. Opportunities for dropouts are extremely limited. Please, please stay in school and get your education. I'm really sorry that your family has the attitude that they do. This is why I've never told my parents the truth about my orientations, and I'm in my 30's. Good luck with your situation. I definitely don't envy it.
I called a helpline today and talked to this guy about this shitty situation. He wants me to come to their center to talk on monday and I think i'll do that. I don't want to go to any shelter or foster care tho. To be honest Ijust want to go back home to my room and my family and my dog and for things to be like they used to be. I'm sorry I ever came out to them. I did it because I though it'll be okay I never heard them say really bad things about gays only that it was against "God's design". So I thought it will be kinda shocking to them but they'll calm down and we'll talk and it'll be okay in the end. I know I have to stop with the dope and gettinghigh all the time but I can't do it right now. I get so depressed I can't even get out of bed and then I start thinking about why the hell was I born in the first place. I know I will never do anything to hurt myself and it's good that i'm like that but that's also like having no escape. Also my boyfriend has lots of contacts and we always pool resources to payfor it and then we sit around and get high so I can't just tell him "no I think we shouldn't be doing this" when I live with him. And I don't want to leave him.
I am a mom who just found out my 13 year old son is gay. As a mom I cannot imagine telling my son he needs to change who he is to stay in our home. I'm sorry that your parents are so misguided and that you are going through what must be such a confusing and scary situation without them. What I will tell you is that you need to go on Monday and then you need to stop the way you are treating yourself. You deserve to be with someone who will lift you up not pull you into an addiction. Your bf is not helping you he is doing the opposite. Please seek out someone to stay with that cares about you.
Rin, You have some really difficult choices to make. You're being evasive about exactly what drugs you are doing, and that isn't helping us to help you. You've said "more than weed and shrooms" which I assume means either opiates or amphetamines. Both are extremely addictive, and even more so for someone who is making the poor choice to self-medicate using the rationale that "you need them." It would help to know what drugs you are using, how often, and what means of administration. This is a recipe that has only one outcome: full blown addiction. You can deny it all you want, but I can tell you of the several dozen people I've talked to over the years who have been in your situation, every one of them absolutely denied they would ever become addicted... and every one did. Many are now dead from overdoses, Most of the rest are struggling with sobriety. Only one or two are drug-free. If your boyfriend is constantly does drugs, then if you care about yourself you really have only one choice: you need to let him, and the rest of the friends that do drugs, go. And you need to do this now. I don't know your home situation, but I think the risks of going back home might be pretty severe: If there's any possibility your parents might send you to "straight camp", I can assure you that is, depending on where they send you, far, far worse than foster care. Given that the less-awful ones have closed down, really the only ones left are the really terrible ones... many of which, as I've said, are outside the US and not subject to even minimal protections. I do think meeting with the folks at the crisis line is a really good idea. You should be able to get some meaningful assistance. Depending on how serious your drug use is, you may need some help kicking that as well... when people start talking about "needing" it, they are usually already somewhere in the realm of addicted, though they won't admit it. I know that it feels absolutely terrible to have had your parents (and your brother) treat you this way. Their treatment of you, quite honestly, goes against everything the Bible stands for, but you won't get them to understand that, as they're too wrapped up in their own ignorance. The thing to keep in mind here is... this is a very solvable problem. You're two years from being a legal adult. That may seem like a long time, but it isn't. There are options to be declared a legal adult at age 16, which perhaps the folks at the crisis center can help you with. And that would prevent your parents from abducting you and sending you away. And there are options for foster care which isn't as bad as it sounds. And perhaps if CPS gets involved, your parents will get the picture that telling you to change, or forcing you to straight camp isn't an option. In any case, you do have options. But the longer you hang around losers who spend their time doing drugs... the more you close off your options, and risk serious, long-term dangers for yourself. Please start working on this NOW and making the tough choices.
I don'twant people judging me over this shit. I know I'm screwing myself over with this. I do heroin, mainly because that's what my bf does (I used to just pop pills before I messed up my life by coming out to my parents and then Imoved in with him). I can't evendo stuff like sleep or eat and act like a normal person because I'm either so pissed off at my so called parents that I pick fights with people or I'm too depressed to get out of bed. So Ido need it right now at least until I figure out what to do about this whole situation. Not that theres anything I can do about it right at this moment because it's either here or the streets (or going back to my parents and getting shipped off to brainwashing camp which is out of the question). I'm going to stay here and ask those people on monday if there are other places I can go to. I know I'm messing things up evenmore than it is but its like i am too angry and too depressed to do anything else. i feel like shit, i do some dope, i feel better, then i start thinking about it about i hate myself even more, and then i do it all over again. It's like there are two voices in my head one that tells me to pick myself up and work this shit out and the other one that just says fuck it.
I've been cruising through the forums trying to find struggle stories similar to my own orientation issues but HAD to make an account just to reply to this post. Rin, you are at a crossroads right now. This is a very important moment for you to decide: "Do I want to have an incredibly hard life filled with pain and suffering? Or do I want to find true happiness, maybe in as little as a few months?" If you keep telling yourself "there's nothing I can do," you WILL very purposefully walk yourself into so many more issues than you have on your plate right now. I have struggled with depression and wanting to kill myself since I was in 5th grade, at least, that's the first time I clearly admitted to myself that I'd rather die than live (with my family) anymore. So I have 15 years of experience with the feeling of the world being too much to handle etc. so I feel that I am a good authority when I say you are using the pain and sadness you feel as an excuse to not have to confront the big problems in your life. That pain is huge, I know. But it can feel sort of good to dwell in it, to be a martyr in a sea of other people's hate. I honestly 100% don't think anyone here is judging you. We want you to be happy and we know you are accidentally setting your own potential happiness on fire. For us it's not a judgement on you, rather it's a simple math equation. Hard drugs = sickness, debt, and eventually a painful death. But school = jobs, money, stability, health insurance... the ability to figure out what your dreams are made out of and follow them. So we feel fear for you, so afraid that you'll continue harming yourself. No judgement, just care. <3 Rin you have so much more power than you know. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do, so if you want to give that power away, if you want to give yourself away until you become nothing at all but an empty husk of need, you can keep doing heroin. But you don't have to. I know how overwhelming things seem right now but you are strong enough, capable enough, worthy enough to stand up and take your life by the balls and steer it exactly where you want it to go. I can tell by how you write that you are intelligent and that will take you so far. I have so much faith and belief that if you choose to you can lift yourself right out of these crummy circumstances. I haven't touched on the boyfriend yet but I'll be very brief now: If you love him, and he genuinely loves you, you should be able to bring up your concerns about both of your futures if you keep going the way you're going. In a stable relationship there needs to be that kind of open line of communication. I hope you have a good visit at the LGBT center and that you are given the best resources to help you feel strong in secure in snatching your control back. Aggh i'm so full of emotions because I can see it! I see two futures and one is black and ugly and the other one so, so beautiful.
...or foster care, which I think is likely your best option available. Someone in a situation similar to yours posted this thread on reddit for legal advice, and got the following answer that I think you should read: That's the number for the Florida version of CPS. I'm sure the CPS equivolent wherever you live is easily reachable.
Just an update here. I'm at the officesof the lgbt center I called a few days ago. I've been here since the morning and we worked out a plan. I'm goingto go to detox tonight and then rehab (the social worker is gettingit done since my so called parents said they won't be involved in any way), and then if my parents keep on insisting on making my life hell I will probably stay in the system and go live in a group home or something, if not (meaning if they can commit not to send me to straight camp - highly unlikely) then I'll go back home. In any case I'm a lot calmer now. I don't want to become another statistic. Istill ask myself why the fuck was I born gay, and why was Istupid enough to tell them about it. I don't know. But at the end of the day they'rethe ones who fucked things up. I'm not going to kill myself over that. I really want to thank everyone who messaged me here or in private... I readthose messages about 10 times each. I didn'treally have anyone to talk to about this shit. I'll probably be back here in a few months. Take care everyone.
