Is there anyone else out there that is bisexual but would rather be gay?

I wish I was more bisexual, the opposite because I am very hetero-romantic, I love guys bodies though. I seem to get along with women in a romantic sense and have moments where I can imagine a future with certain women when the connection is clearly there. and they seem to want to be with me as well. But, I am a little more physically gay than straight. I have sexual attraction to women, just not as much as I do for men, I wish it was equal for convenience reasons at this point. It's just easy to find a beautiful women, vs a beautiful gay man. Watcha gonna do.

 

I used to wish I was bi instead as it's "not as bad", but I soon realised that was crap logic and now I'm glad I'm gay and not bi. I just feel it would be too hard to be attracted to both.

 

Yeah I would rather be gay. In some ways it's actually more difficult to be bisexual then gay. I could hear myself saying that there's no way I could like both, and what if I'm just a gay guy in denial? What if it's just a phase? All that sort of bullshit. It's upsetting, there's no doubt about that, but this is who I am and there's no point in suppressing anything. As a Kinsey 3/4, fluidity is something I've never been a fan of. I want to stop going back and forth, but I realize that it's not possible and this is who I am.

 

I wouldn't. I am what I and it doesn't hurt anybody.

 

You are still young. When I say that, I mean you are still developing and are full of hormones which may be allowing you to be turned on by things you won't be when you are 25+. Just saying, it's possible

 

I wouldn't want to be gay, I love women and men too much to be anything other then bisexual (And I lean towards women anyway; so what can you do?)

 

I don't know if I'm bi, but I would rather be gay than bi as well. It just seems so hard to like both. I also fit more bi stereotypes than gay stereotypes. I hate the idea of being a stereotype.

I don't want to be just another girl who claims she's bisexual. When I did tell people I was bi they never seemed to be shocked until I showed interest in girls. WTF??? Guess they don't believe bisexual people are into girls.

 

I'm with you, EpicConfusion. When I see all the biphobia within the community, I'd rather just deal with homophobic straight people. I feel like an outsider now. I worry that I'll never find a girlfriend because of it, or worse, that I'll find a boyfriend and prove all the biphobic lesbians right.

But I have to remember that it took me many years before I was able to fully accept that I like girls so I imagine it will be the same with this.

 

I wish that I was bi

 

yes - i'd rather be gay i think. it's much harder to explain yourself to people when you're bi...most people (both gay and striaght) will either think you're in denial and are actually gay and still "semi-closeted" OR they'll think it's just a phase and you'll "end up straight" anyways. it makes it difficult to be in a homo relationship...and makes it difficult to come out because there's not a good term to use that people accept (people tend to not accept bisexual as a legitimate identity sometimes...they just want more information about i always)

 

I came out to my boyfriend as bi finally and it was both a relief and opened up more insecurities. It was a relief because he came out to me too. But because of my years of insecurities and his as well, neither of us are comfortable talking about it openly. Its weird. But I think it is because I don't know where either of us really stand... so when you are in the middle somewhere it can get messy emotionally. I understand that. It feels like drifting out at sea, rather than being anchored at either shore.

 

I personally feel that if I were to identify as gay, there's a bit of expectation on how you act. Just like how a straight guy doesn't really talk about how attractive a guy is, A gay guy is expected to talk about other guys and not girls. I think I'm experiencing some biphobia, as my psychologist has also pointed out. What if it really is a phase? This is what scares me the most and what drives me to identify as gay. Better do it now then later, you know?

I'm very, very fluid, although I will say that a lot of times I do have a preference for males until a certain girl passes by then I turn around and think "wow, she's gorgeous".

But really, who gives a shit about labels anyways. I'll do what I want with my life because it's my life, and not anyone else's.

 

Ahh, yeah. I'm the same as you. Romantic attraction is a lot more important to me and seeing as I feel that more towards girls I feel more "gay" than "bi" sometimes. There are days where I'm more attracted to guys though, days when I'm not. I think it's less likely I'll fall in love with a guy again, but who knows :eusa_doh:

Not sure if I wish I was gay though... I don't think I really mind! But sometimes I think being lesbian would make the future a little clearer :rolle: Unfortunately, I've already tested if it would stop unwanted random guys hitting on me with no luck :dry: Everyone just kind of assumes that you're straight too from my experience which is annoying, especially because most of the time I'm attracted to girls a lot more... I'm not sure if it's the opposite for bi guys though?

Ohh, and then there's people who say "bisexuals don't exist", "bisexuals who have a preference are really closeted gays" (welp, no. we exist), "I don't date bisexuals", "they are just confused/greedy/cheaters etc. etc." so uh... yeah. There are some things about it that really anonoying :icon_sad:

 

Why?

 

I am not sure why being gay/ v. being bi matters that much, but it does.
Is it because of identity and perception? Or because of internal feelings?

Personally I think there are 2 types of bisexuality and those two got mushed together in a rather unpleasant way, creating a lot of turmoil in people.


1) Bisexuality where you are attracted to people of both genders- or despite their gender, in a way which makes you want to be sexual with them- and/ or have relationships with them & those attractions might feel different, and are rare/ or frequent- but both feel 'right' to you.

2) where you have a strong preference for sex & relationships with one gender- and experience occasional attraction to the other- be it sexual or romantic- in a way which is does not feel completely 'right'-, or in a way which does not make you want to act on it.
So experiencing some form of attraction, where the gender/sex of the person is a deal-breaker when it comes to action.



The problem is that whilst a lot of people would fall under the second description of bisexuality- " a little bit bi, but not enough to want to act on it- something about people of one gender does not feel completely right" once they acknowledge it, they automatically get ascribed to the first interpretation of the term- "likes both, and wants both"- which I guess to a lot of people feels like erasure of their strong preference, be it gay or straight- hence a lot of fears in borderline bi/gay people who fear that once they openly acknowledge some form of bisexual feelings- it automatically will invalidate their preference= which leads to internalised biphobia against that part which falls outside of their preference.

I don't know how to solve this issue, but I do feel like in the community a lot is centered around claiming people as 'bi' or 'gay'- but people don't fall into neat boxes like that, and it is doing us a lot of harm- and not simply because of biphobia.

Somebody who has some propensity for bisexual attraction, but has a fundamentally gay preference might feel that they ought to identify as bi - because they feel like this is what is required of them, but it also does not make them happy.

They face the dilemma of either completely denying their somehow-bi side through identifying as gay, or denying the fact that their same sex-preference is very strong, and falsely claiming that they "like both" through claiming the bisexual identity, when in fact a potential partner being of their preferred gender *is* a deal-breaker for them.


I do think that there is simply too much confusion in the way we thinking about sexuality- we need to get back to the basics, rather than analysing our responses- and minutiae of attraction.

Bi- wants to sleep with both & would act on it given the opportunity & it would not feel somehow uncomfortable/bad about it.
Gay- only considers sexual partners of one sex/gender.

 

You are welcome
I've struggled with similar feelings- as far as I know of now I am not physically attracted to men- but I am simply *not* sure about it- given that in the past I still considered myself to be able to be with the opposite sex, and I tended to confuse romantic and physical attraction.
This uncertainty created a lot of worry/unhappiness in me. What has helped me was to give myself permission to acknowledge that I might like both, and that this does not mean I have to be ok with acting on it, and that this will in no way invalidate my preference.

I could well have turned out to be more bi, but either way - and this is crucial for both bi people and gay people who struggle with the ' could I be bi, or am I really gay?' question- having some form of opposite sex attraction should never invalidate same sex attraction, if you have it- but i think a lot of people struggle with thinking that this is how things work due to the reasons I've described in my previous post.

When it comes to feeling being truthful v. lying to others - it depends how comfortable you are with others knowing or not knowing a part of you, and what you want to present to the world about yourself. Generally- people don't really care about how 'true to yourself' the front that you present to the world is, as long as it checks out broadly- eg. you are not claiming to be a champion cyclist, when all you do is cycle 5 miles a day down hill on your grandpa's bike. We all present *some* kind of front- it is unavoidable. It is not necessarily false- but it will never be 100% true either- it would just not be feasible.

With the gay v. bi the problem is acerbated by it being such a narrow, pre-prepared choice, and yet somehow muddled & unclear, (given my previous reasons).
If you choose either you will still have to mould it to fit your particular case- and it is up to you to decide which will be a simpler job, and which represents you to the world better.