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Thoughts On Polyamory

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Taly, Jun 29, 2015.

  1. Lyana

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    Polyamory isn't just triads (three people in a relationship with each other), or just a man having many female partners. There are many relationship types that fall under the label "poly." One person could be dating two people who are not romantically involved (they would be each other's metamours) and who each had another partner... The possibilities are endless, really.

    Anyway. I'm very pro-polyamory and have a great deal of admiration for people who make poly relationships work. I believe love is love and it is possible to be in romantic love with more than one person at the same time. Maybe it isn't possible for everyone, but that doesn't mean it never happens. Just because not everyone is bisexual, doesn't mean I can't be. I think some people can only be happy with monogamy, and others can only be happy with poly, and still others could probably deal with both.

    And if it is possible to love several people at once, and if some people can put aside jealousy and insecurity and be happy that their partner loves other people, then who am I to police that? Who am I to say, "That's weird," "That's an unequal relationship," "That isn't healthy," "That's not real love"?

    I can honestly say that if someone I was romantically involved with suggested opening up our relationship or being poly, I would not be opposed to the idea. (Of course, it would require a lot of open discussion beforehand. Lack of communication can lead to disastrous poly relationships, but it works the same way in mono relationships.)
    And I wouldn't think it means they love me any less. Love isn't a finite thing; it's not like I would be "sharing" their love with someone else and there would be less for me. The more you give, the more you have.
     
  2. EpicConfusion

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    No problem with it. Not sure if it's something I would ever actually be involved with, but honestly that sounds pretty hot to me :grin: People should be free to do as they please.
     
  3. biAnnika

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    *smile* I take your point here. But there isn't enough talk about polyamory (I am *not* discussing polygamy here) for there to be myths about it...hmmm...or maybe I should say there's not enough talk for there to be anything *but* myths about it. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: In any case, the classic myth of monogamy is that there is (or can be) a single person who can satisfy all of your needs and with whom you can be happy and love solely in perpetuity. This may be true for some people, but for most, at least some of this breaks down at some point.

    Absolutely. Jealousy and possessiveness are perilous in monogamous relationships (and are the foundation of many failures) as well as in poly ones. But what can represent a significant challenge in a monogamous relationship gets amplified in a polyamorous one. There are just so many more triggers for jealousy and possessiveness issues that if you have these issues or are insecure in your trust of the others' (or your own) feelings, you're just setting yourself (and possibly others) up for a bad time.

    Thank you for crediting my intentions, but that paragraph does not imply anything of the kind (at least not to anyone who understands directionality in implication). In paraphrase, the paragraph says "if you're bad at communication, etc., you should stick to monogamy". That is quite a different statement from "if you stick to monogamy, then you are bad at communication, etc." I find your inference there absurd.

    LOL, clearly you *don't* get my point about changes happening, or you would never make such an absolute statement. You have no clue what is in your future. You *intend* to remain a hardcore monogamist. I would have said the same at your age.

    Absolutely agreed. You can try...and society does its best to force us to try to be monogamous. But ultimately, one's nature will out, just like sexuality.

    OMG, yes, *yes*, and *YES*. Especially when used as a mask for judgment.

    ---------- Post added 30th Jun 2015 at 12:59 PM ----------

    A good thing to recognize about oneself. Also good to recognize that this experience is far from universal (although it may or may not be more typical of males...it certainly fits the male stereotype). So it's important to keep your judgments on this subject relegated to applying to yourself...because some of us work in very different ways.

    It does make sense, and I certainly respect your experience. I hope it makes as much sense to you that if I was to avoid circumstances that would "push into territory where I'd be in love with yet an additional person" I would have to seclude myself as a hermit (hell, at least straight women in such straits can go into a nunnery :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:)...or at least never talk to anyone other than my partner. [For those who have trouble with reading comprehension, *NO* I did not just say or imply that I fall in love with everyone I talk to. :dry::eusa_doh:]
     
  4. Tightrope

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    Yes, I think it does have to do with the so-called male stereotype. Not all males are like that, but I think there are more men who seek to remain single and free agents than there are women. I think more women have a propensity to nest. And how they go about doing that and what they are processing mentally in doing so should not concern me.
     
  5. biAnnika

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    Oh dear! I wasn't suggesting that you need to worry about whether your partner is committing earlier than you are (although I think it's good to maintain frank communication around that topic, if you really do care about avoiding hurt feelings).

    Your comments earlier had suggested that you feel as you do about polyamory generally because of your approach to relationships (sex-first, then emotions and relationship). I was just noting that your approach to relationships is not universal, and that for many of us, polyamory is about something far more slippery than seeking sex when we shouldn't be.
     
  6. The Wallflower

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    To each their own, but I'm against it.

    Just my opinion, don't stab me to death please~
     
  7. Tightrope

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    I don't think something this complex is suitable for discussion here that could lead to misinterpretation, being that it is highly nuanced.

    Admittedly, it is a concept and a situation I don't understand. I just know that anything "poly" doesn't work for me. It's much like transgenderism. I'm not fully versed in knowing about it to have developed the ability to discuss it with conviction. I don't feel that, like someone might read a voters' pamphlet before an election, I need to educate myself on these topics because it is sort of expected of me. I have been criticized at times for not voting, too, because of my apathy. I've always been slightly apathetic.

    Mostly, I am interested in the more frequently discussed sexual orientations such as heterosexuality, homosexuality, lesbianism, and bisexuality, the genesis of them, implications of them, research on them, and the applicability of fluidity over time. I also like discussing who and what I find attractive and stimulating on a more cheeky level.

    I'm sure there are people here who don't care for my noncommittal, strike while the iron is hot attitude toward sex. I have seen quite a bit that has brought that on. Others are moving in the opposite direction, in many cases after uncoupling and/or coming to terms with newly defined sexual identities. They are enthralled by the possibility of a relationship on the horizon. I know what works for me. I don't know what works for others. I'll let them decide for themselves.

    ---------- Post added 30th Jun 2015 at 01:43 PM ----------

    I think people should be able to voice their opinions without much push back, as you just did.
     
  8. The Wallflower

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    [​IMG]
     
  9. Weregild

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    I don't think I'd be able to handle it. I'd probably get too jealous or annoy my partners in a week.
     
  10. waitwhat

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    I personally don't really understand polyamory or polygamy, and it's not something I'd be interested in. I don't see anything wrong with it though. If you find more than one person that you connect with in such a way, I'm totally happy for you. Finding one person you connect with is hard enough, so good for anyone who has found two or more.

    I honestly wouldn't consider polyamory because it's just not for me, and I feel as though I'd get jealous. I get very protective about the people I love, that might be a problem.
     
  11. HuskyPup

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    I don't find the idea at all odd, though I think it takes a certain type of person to make it work.

    I do have some furry friends, 3 males, who have maintained a very loving, supportive relationship for about 5 years now, and they're quite happy; I know another group of 2 males and 1 female who also have been together about 10 years, also furries. And they seem really happy.

    But outside of this, I've never seen it take place...me and my mate have pondered the idea, but it seems like too much work; were somebody to come along, and things just fell into place, we could see it happening, but it's not something we're actively seeking, though it could be fun, and the benefits of having a larger 'family' of sorts, in terms of emotional, financial and other sorts of benefits that happen when you pool resources.
     
  12. Libra Neko

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    I have no moral objection to it, but I figure I'd get jealous if my girlfriend wanted to be with other people.
     
  13. antibinary

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    Informed Consent
     
  14. dano218

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    If someone wants to pursue that kind of relationship it is none of my business and none of the government's business but I not would pursue it personally but funny thing a guy i talked on a dating site last week wanted that kind of relationship. I do admit the TLC program on that kind of family is interesting to me and they are nice people in that respect.
     
  15. Linthras

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    Re: Thoughts On Polygamy

    :this: Besides which, I don't think I could be that into more than one person at a time.

    I'm all in favour of it for people who are a capable of polyamorous love/attraction/relationships though.
     
  16. BelleFromHell

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    If everyone involved is a consenting adult, I don't care how many people you love, fuck, or marry.

    Personally, I could never be in a relationship with more than one woman, but why should I judge other people for liking something different? For example, I hate mint ice cream, but you may love mint ice cream. Should I hate you for liking something I don't like? Fuck no.

    I'm more open-minded towards polyamorous people than polygamous people, but if everyone is consenting, I couldn't care less.
     
  17. tscott

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    Having made the mistake of being one side of an "open" or polyamorous relationship, all I can say is you need to trust the person your with is telling the truth or is being open with you. It's hell being the mistress, the baked potato rather than the steak. I find it hard to believe your partner's relationship is polyamorous if the other partner is unaware of your existence. This may be due to a mutual arrangement, but if the other party doesn't know, how do you know the relationship is actually "open"?

    A threesome would feel more honest, although a bit outside my comfort level. Three always makes for poor group dynamics, LOL. I say that more as a father than a part of a triad.

    Yes, being the mistress sucks, because you are always the one waiting. The relationship may be fun, intense, affectionate. You're the confident and keeper of secrets. You're the cure for whatever is missing in his relationship. You're also the one who's preventing real communication between the partners. It get's old fast.

    Monogamy is what I want. I pass no judgment, but there are drawbacks to the other.
    .
     
  18. ArlettBaySB

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    I'm not against it. But I'd still have to agree that this is NOT for everybody.
    It is complex and controversial, but as far as I see this...if there's love envolved, it's possible!
    I don't think I would try, though
     
  19. GypsyButterfly

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    This sounds so much like me. I started off more traditional & monogamous. Because that's how I was raised & what is suppose to be socially acceptable. But, it isn't & never was my true nature. I don't want to have sex with multiple people. In fact, at this point, I don't really want to have sex much at all. I do enjoy affection, though. Holding, touching & especially kissing. Strong intellectual & emotional connections are important to me. Besides affection, deep friendship & romance are what I seek. I've always been someone who could have multiple crushes. I discovered, in the past few years, I'm also someone who could be in love with more than one person at a time. Personally, I find it very liberating. I'm thankful I have such an open minded, understanding & accepting partner.
     
  20. Van

    Van
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    Definitely not for me!