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Sexuality issues from the Trans perspective?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Nekoko, Jun 29, 2015.

  1. Nekoko

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    I was sort of... wondering about this... What sexuality is like to others from the transgender point of view.

    For me, I never really had to struggle that much till later in life. Being interested in women wasn't a big deal when people thought I was a boy, so it wasn't a big deal to me. But later on when I started to transition it became more important to me to make a point of my sexuality and make sure the line was clear... Mostly I think because it seems like the first thing people ask when I say I'm trans is: "so you like guys?" :bang: and that is really annoying... Other than that though I don't think my sexuality has ever been an issue for me... It aligns with my birth assigned sex so socially, no one takes issue with it... The only problem is that that also seems to make my claims of being transgender less credible to people... >.> which is bullshit and really aggravates me but what can you do right?

    So my question to you lovely trans folks out there is, has your sexuality ever been an issue for you? Have you ever felt invalidated or been invalidated by others because of it?

    For all my awesome cis people out there, has your gender ever been an issue because of your sexuality? Have you ever had your gender identity questioned because of it?

    Any other comments about sexuality and gender identity issues crossing are welcome as well!
     
  2. Matto_Corvo

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    I know that originally I didn't think I could be trans because I thought I was a straight female. Most of the narritaves you hear are of gay men or women. And then I slowly stopped feeling attracted to anyone because in my fantasies I was a gay man, which I was told by several people was wrong and just made me a pervert. I was also told that it was common for women to think like that and that it is just dick envy, being straight only proved I was not trans to them
     
  3. randomconnorcon

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    I'm not out as trans yet, so I don't really know what people's reactions to my sexuality might be. But my family have never really doubted my liking guys, even after I came out as panromantic asexual. So I don't see them doubting my sexuality after I come out, but you never know.
     
  4. Invidia

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    Oh yes, I've been invalidated to the point of developing severe depression and suicidal thoughts in the past forl liking guys... But never like "you're trans, you should only like guys", never in that way, which is something I can be grateful for, I guess.

    Interesting topic, Nekoko!
     
  5. Eveline

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    Yes, the argument was used against me when I came out to my mother. It's a fairly weak argument that usually indicates a fairly large amount of ignorance, so it didn't disturb me much...

    The weird thing about being trans is that your sexuality can change after you start transitioning. I feel completely asexual at the moment and I've felt this way during my entire life, I could never imagine myself in an intimate relationship with another person because I never developed a sense of self during my puberty. However, I instinctively know that after I transition I'm attracted to women and will be happy to be in at the very least in an intimate romantic relationship with a woman.
     
  6. Invidia

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    This sounds very hopeful, Yael (*hug*)
    You'll find the greatest gal around and it will be great :slight_smile:

    It's true that sexuality can change! For some reason, I identified as only liking girls before I came out as trans, even though I had never been sexually involved with a girl but with several guys ^^
     
  7. Acm

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    I think I've always known something was different about me, since I questioned my sexuality on and off from about 11 onward. I have actually heard other trans guys have the same experience with me on this part, that I misinterpreted some of my dysphoria as me being asexual. It wasn't until I started identifying as male that I started to think I wasn't asexual after all. I don't pay much mind to my sexuality though, as far as I'm concerned, gender is a much bigger issue for me at the moment.
     
  8. Queero

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    at first, I assumed because I was "technically" a girl, and I like guys, that I was straight and normal.

    But then, I later felt like "I'm gay". But I wasn't into girls.

    I not only loved the idea of two guys together, but I wanted so badly to be part of a gay couple.
     
  9. yaoicore

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    same here.
     
  10. Matto_Corvo

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    I have that same thing. I wonder how much of me being asexual is due to me be trans. now that I am working out my gender I wonder if I am bisexual while being romantically attracted to men.
     
  11. randomconnorcon

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    Same. I mean, right now I know I'm panromantic asexual and I think that even though my preference leans more towards guys, that I might always be. But my family have always assumed I'm a lesbian, so when I inevitably come out as trans the only thing I know I will confidently say "y'all can now appropriately call me gay."
     
  12. Matto_Corvo

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    Also I remember in high school, when I was really experiencing bad dysphoria, I said something to my brother and he said I only felt that way because I like the thought of being a gay man. That I was way into yaoi. And he made it sound like a bad thing, but I can't say he is wrong. And I believed him when he said I can't call myself trans if I only want to be gay.
    Of course, now I know I was experiencing some pretty heavy body dysphoria back then, but at the time i had no idea what dysphoria is.
     
  13. Jellal

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    I never gave indication that I was attracted to one sex/gender in particular, some people would easily believe I was asexual. I'm not too worried about feeling "invalidated" if someone says I'm "really a guy" because I think on average girls are more attractive than boys. I know from my own experience that my mileage varies between individuals. I've found myself most attracted in real life to someone off the gender spectrum entirely.

    My mom told me that I was "severely limiting my romantic options" if I came out as trans. People would want a "real woman." But I always believed what she said was bullshit. When it comes to the person I love, I'm not looking for approval from the masses. It's all about the individuals. The total number of people who would romance me is meaningless.

    I guess the other sexuality issue I've had is that most people expect I'm uncomfortable with my penis because I'm transgender. I'm not uncomfortable with it though! I think of myself as lucky even ... I've known some girls, not trans men, who wish they had one too.
     
  14. Par

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    My parents' first question when I told them I was bigender was "does this affect your sexuality?"
    I sort of floundered for an explanation for a bit, but ended up just saying "No."
    What I meant was:
    "Sometimes I'm a straight guy, other times I'm a lesbian girl."
    But I don't know if they got that.
    It hasn't really been much of an issue because about a week after realising and coming out as bigender I got myself a girlfriend who is bisexual and fully accepting of me.
     
  15. Anastaisa_Lynn_14

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    i guess ive always been confused about my sexuality because i like guys romanticly and sexualy but girls i like romanticly and not sexualy, i guessed i was pansexual but idk lately i feel more straight than anything because i like guys but at the same time i feel confused about my gender identity too, becausei feel female but im so used to saying im a gay crossdresser that saying im transgender just feels weird and wrong. :frowning2:
     
  16. Tai

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    This is the same for me (except I do like girls too). I think preferring males blinded me from seeing any trans tendencies in myself for longer than if I preferred females.

    I remember right before I had my breaking point of breaking into the LGBT community (and at that time, being ignorant and confused), I thought to myself, "Why do I feel like a boy but I like boys? How can I feel like a gay male in a female's body?" It is one of things I will never forget because it strongly points me in the direction of being transgender.

    Also, once I got a crush on a girl, I started trying to get more crushes on girls. I started trying to find all the good qualities in them and tried to make me sexually attracted to them. Now, I do find some attraction, and I'm not sure if I brainwashed myself or if I had some repressed feelings for a while. All I know is that I wanted to be attracted to women, and I wasn't, not as much as males, which could be a sign of internal homophobia (if it turns out I really am male). Growing up, I never shared my crushes on boys with my friends even though to others it would appear a "straight relationship..." I have a feeling that also had to do with some fear of "coming out" to them.
     
  17. Daydreamer1

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    Eh, yes and no.

    For a good chunk of my life, I knew I was attracted to more than one gender. I was fine with the label of being bi from 11 to maybe 16 when I heard pansexual was a thing. That was fine until I got deeper in my transition. At this point, I just say I'm queer, even though I'm 95% I'm just straight up gay with traces of demi in between. It could just be easier to say I'm a panromantic demi homosexual, but queer isn't as big of a mouth full. I still have moments where I still question if I'm a partial gray-a, but I have no idea.
     
  18. Envy

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    My sexuality has never been an issue with me personally, I knew I liked all genders, and I never lied to myself about it, even after discovering how awful people could be about it, so its never been an internal issue, or internal struggle. Other people however after coming out as ftm someone has told me that I can't be a guy, specifically because (quoting thwem) "Only women are bisexual." So apparently it is an issue for other people. It's so strange, all my life people have told me "you should act more feminine, you're really acting too masculine for a girl." I come out to anyone and tell them that I identify as male now and suddenly its all "No you're a girl, youre clearly too girly to be a man." Even trying to use my sexual orientation to say how "girly" I am. I've never really had any issues accepting myself, or any internal phobia as far as I know, but I have had issues with other peoples perceptions of me because of my sexuality. Of course there are way more people I know who just tell me that my sexual orientation doesn't exist, and that people can only like one gender, but I ignore them all anyways.
     
  19. Nekoko

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    Wow, yeah, that sounds a looooot like my experience, though reverse genderwise obviously... Seriously, I got to a point where I couldn't stand the thought of living as a straight male or being seen as a guy anymore... I was eventually outright disturbed by the idea of anyone wanting me as a guy... :frowning2:
     
  20. The Purple One3

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    Well, for me it's never really been an issue. I was asexual for a long time and I only recently discovered I am a panromantic lesbian. I don't think that's the end yet. Might change soon, may change during or after my transition.