Went to my first Pride parade yesterday....

I've been on pride parades and my experience was somewhat different to yours. I found them to be happy, well organised events, with lots of fun and a real carnival atmosphere. Admittedly, there was alcohol and some drug use, but it wasn't out of hand because the organisation of the event was so good. I would stop well short of characterising a huge section of the LGBT community as drunken, drugged and sex crazed people, based on the small incidence that I did witness at pride and I hope you will do the same.

Pride isn't for everyone and there are many, many people within the LGBT community who would never attend a march, but we shouldn't denigrate those that do or launch into unfair generalisations. Pride does attract people from a wide section of the LGBT community, not just a narrow minority, but, I repeat, it's not for everyone.

I'm sorry you had a bad time. Maybe pride just isn't for you and that's fine. It doesn't mean you are isolating yourself from everyone else, but I would urge you to remain open minded and tolerant.

 

This is why I never intend to go to any of them. Aside from being uncomfortable in large crowds and being in/near the center of attention, I don't really belong to the colorful crowd running around in speedos.

 

First off let me say that I'm sorry you had a bad experience. But, I guess I would second Patrick's suggestion to avoid generalizing to the community as a whole or even pride parades as a whole. I must admit I'm a little unsure what to make of your post and how to integrate it into my experience. I love Pride, doesn't mean you have to, but I do. I've been with my partner for over 17 years and we're monogamous. I don't drink much and I haven't drunk at all at Pride in years (drinking while standing out in the sun for four hours is not a good thing). My experience of drug culture is that I once took a valium that wasn't prescribed to me. Yet I love Pride.

I've been to at least one Pride parade every year for over twenty years and I have to say I've never had an experience even remotely like yours so I guess the first option would be to suggest that maybe you just went to a really bad one. The smoking thing may be a regional variant but I can say that here in Chicago I hardly even know any gay people who still smoke--it's sort of passé plus you aren't really allowed to do it anywhere, not even in bars. I will say that I have encountered the smell of pot a couple times over the years at Pride but those instances have been pretty few and far between--it definitely isn't something I would think of as characterizing the event. And I've actually never seen a physical altercation, not once and I've probably been to over thirty parades. The one in Chicago draws over a million people each year and I've seriously never seen even one fight--which is actually rather remarkable as far as I'm concerned.

The other thing I wonder about is whether there might be some projection going on. In my experience when people first come out there's a lot of fear about what people will think about them, what they will assume based on the fact that they are gay. And so a lot of times people will look for those things to assert themselves against it. I don't know that's what's going on but I do wonder. So everyone at the event you went to was drug addled and sex crazed. I guess my first question would be how do you know that? I am thinking back to this year at Pride for us and I have to say I don't know much of anything about the people around us. I stood there with them for four hours and learned remarkably little about them. I mean, I know the group I came with--they're nice people or I wouldn't have had them over for brunch.:lol: Then there was a family of some sort--mother, mother, father, three children--in front of us. I chatted a bit with one of the women but don't know much other than that they seemed like good parents. There was an elderly woman--eighty if she was a day--who was loud and proud. She was right up front and she was adorable. She got every string of beads and every bumper sticker and everyone on our side ran over to hug her. She seemed awesome but I don't really know anything about her. There was a group of six young people that I think were straight but I don't know--they seemed to be having a great time but I don't really know anything about them. There was a group of lesbians about my age--again they seemed to be having a good time, don't know much else about them. There was a rather large group of gay guys. One of them had had a bit too much to drink and the others were sort of looking after him. There was a couple in the group that were strikingly attractive. They seemed like they were all good friends but other than that I don't know much about them. And then there were the rest of the million people that I didn't really interact with at all. My point is that I really wonder how much you actually know about the people at this event and how much you are assuming.

The other thing I will say is that it is a party and to take it as representative of a community or frankly even of the real lives of the people who were actually at the event is just not fair. I could go to the Cubby Bear, a sports bar here across from Wrigley Field, on a Friday night and decide that straight people are just awful and that I would never want to know any of them. Obviously that wouldn't be fair, but the other thing I will say is that it would also be unfair for me to even assume that the people who were actually there are generally like that. I think it would actually be fair to assume that I would be catching many of them on their wildest night in a week, a month, a year. I don't enjoy going to the Cubby Bear but I have friends who do--and good for them.

The event you went to may not be your cup of tea. Maybe Pride in general isn't your thing. But please don't rule out millions and millions of gay people because you encountered a few people who act differently at a party than you do.

 

I didn't really like pride that much either, I didn't like how much nakedness there was.

 

I think most Gay Pride parades make gays look bad. They seem to sink to the lowest possible denominator and reinforce many of the misconceptions conservative heteros have of gays. I never attend. I know I'm generalizing, but from what I've seen....

 

We had a gay pride rally in my hometown and it was actually a lot of fun! It wasn't a big deal because we don't have a massive gay community here, but most people acted perfectly normal. There was a drag show, which was the main (only) attraction and a few vendors. Nothing rowdy, just some singing, dancing, and an adorable lesbian proposal.

 

I always find it interesting when people say they will never attend a Pride event because they disapprove of what goes on at them. If you've never been, how exactly do you 'know' what goes on at one?

I'm even less clear on why people wearing swimsuits is somehow a crime.

As far as Pride events making LGBT people look bad - straights do all kinds of things that are at least as (if not more) 'wild' than the wildest thing that might happen at any Pride event and they do them all year round. Somehow they manage without freaking out about 'looking bad'.

The most scantily clad people I've ever seen at our local Pride event were two guys from the T-mobile tent (T-mobile being a sponsor) who were trying to attract attention so people would sign up for cell service. They were in speedos.

Last year they had a dunk tank with some very good looking guys in fairly basic swimsuits (not speedos).

This year Pride got rained out (Welcome to Va in the summer), but again, those people I saw were mostly dressed either totally average or in brightly colored clothes as for a party. Facepaint seemed to be particularly popular this year.

Todd

 

Sorry to hear you had a bad experience.

I've been to Pride multiple times (5 times in one city, 3 in another, but have only went to one parade), and my experience has been different different than yours...I've always enjoyed it.
I've never seen any drunkenness or sex or fights or etc :eek: Yeah I get an occasional whiff of cigarette or pot smoke(but this is Colorado afterall...its not just Pride where I smell that stuff...it could be anywhere)

I doubt I'd enjoy it either if I'd gone to the one you did...and it was as bad as you said.

 

I have to admit I sort of want to go to one of the Pride parades that people like to describe on here whenever the subject comes up. I've probably been to about thirty Pride parades over the years but I've yet to encounter one of these drunken bacchanals full of sex and public nudity. They sound like they could be sort of fun though.:lol: I will admit that this year at Chicago Pride my partner and I agreed that our parade did give an impression of the community that we weren't entirely comfortable with. Sure it presented us as a huge, thriving, diverse community full of love and support--but it also presented us as sort of boring, to be honest.

I always think the threads about how Pride makes us look bad are interesting because, to be honest, I wish Pride was a little less mainstream. Don't get me wrong. I think it's awesome that the mayor wants to be in our parade. And it's cool when you recognize your alderman and your employer. And you see the elementary schools and the boy scouts marching and you're like "that's awesome". And then all the churches and that's cool. And it is amazing how many companies in the area have huge and thriving gay employee groups. But as you're reaching the four hour mark you realize that your alderman was there because they're all there. And then you start to think things like "does the clerk of the circuit court really warrant an entry?" And you stop caring that Boeing has a huge and thriving LGBT employee group and you start thinking that the commissioners of the Water Reclamation District probably really don't need to have a float. And, yeah, to be honest I think a few more drag queens and guys in speedos would be a good idea.

This year I was sort of left with the impression that if we don't spice it up a bit the straight people are going to stop coming. Just my two cents.

 

I see your answer is partially directed at my post.

I've seen photos and videos. While I've also seen not-so-flashy people marching at these events, the flashy-as-fuck people discourage my participation greatly. If I wasn't uncomfortable in crowds, if I was ready to 'admit' being bi to anyone and everyone, I still wouldn't go. Though the flashy ones don't represent all LGBTetc. people, but naturally they are the center of attention. And no matter what, because of this most people can't distiguish between a moderate gay man and a "let's shake my bare ass on top of a camion and yell into the cameras that I take four fists up my ass every day" gay man. When they hear "gay", they think of unscrupulous, promiscuous, lewd men. If I did go to an event like this and then tell someone about it, I would turn into the above mentioned creature in their eyes, even if they had known beforehand that I'm not like that. And I don't even want to be in the close proximity of these people. I know it can be difficult to understand.

As for swimsuits - you missed my point. It's the oversexualized flashing that's pissing me off. Why do you think the party animals of these pride festivals wear as little clothing as they can legally (or not, see Up Your Alley 2008, though that wasn't a gay pride parade but a gay leather fair, but that doesn't really change the point)? If they could, they would more than likely have a group orgy in front of thousands of people, just to show that 'they are gay'.

I completely understand why anyone would say that pride events make the LGBT community look bad: because of the things I've spoken of above. And I believe these kinds of things deter many non-flashy gays from coming out or participating. And don't get me wrong, I disapprove of the oversexualized trends of straight people too. This spring oe of my friends invited me to a striptease bar with live sex show or something like that, and I declined without hesitation. I'm not interested in watching people having or nearly having sex IRL. And the difference is that straight people doesn't have to prove anything, because straight people getting 'wild' is considered normal. They don't need our acceptance because we are 'abnormal'.

---------- Post added 2nd Jul 2015 at 10:10 PM ----------

Saying it like this sounds like gay pride parades are just a freak show for straight people.

---------- Post added 2nd Jul 2015 at 10:10 PM ----------

 

So basically you're saying you have very firm opinions on a subject about which you are almost completely ignorant. Duly noted.

You seem to be putting a lot of energy into worrying about what other people think. That's your right of course, but I for one have much more interesting uses for my time. I spent 10 yrs of my life with people trying to tell me to my face how I should act to fit into their tiny little world and what I should like so that their delicate little complacency didn't have to be knocked even a teeny bit off kilter - I refused to give into them then and I sure as hell am not going to give into what is essentially the same sort of mindset anywhere/when else.

Beyond that, your surety about how people would view you if they knew you went to a Pride event sounds very self-generated. In other words you seem to be talking about a problem you've imagined rather than experienced. In any case, someone who would judge you as you fear simply because you went to a Pride event doesn't sound like anyone worth your time anyway. Certainly if someone tried to do that with me, I'd mentally reduce them in my life to the status of a cockroach.

First, it's a party - if people want to dress skimpy, who cares? Second, since you've never actually been to Pride, or presumably any other similar LGBT event, you again have no actual information to back up your viewpoint or convince me that you have any credible basis for your opinion. You've seen some pictures and watched some videos (and what is the provenance of these images, anyway? How much have they been edited, for example?) and somehow feel you are qualified to judge hundreds or thousands of people about whom you know virtually nothing (because believe me, the judgement thing is coming through loud and clear).

If you don't like crowds, fine. No problem. I'm not wild about them either, but for the right reason (like Pride) I just power through. You're not out yet and feel that you're not ready to handle Pride yet - no problem. Everyone has to go at their own pace.

You want to talk authoritatively about what Pride is like and the quality of character of those who participate in it when you've virtually no real world experience to base your views on - sorry, but at that point I'm simply going to be forced to reject and ignore whatever you have to say as basically being devoid of any useful information.

Based on what I've seen here, the vast majority of the people who express those sorts of concerns are just like you in that they've formed an opinion without going to the bother of actually learning much of anything (such as first hand experience) about the subject they are pontificating about. As I indicated above, how anyone doing that can expect me to look at what they have to say on the matter as anything other than noise is quite beyond me.

As far as straights being able to do what they want because they are 'normal' and because we have to 'prove' something. That seems very self-hating. And equality doesn't work that way.

I don't need to prove my worth to anyone unless I'm interviewing to work for them. Outside of that, everyone has to prove their worth to me.

Todd

 

I've been to pride festivals twice and they were simply the worst. Nothing but half naked men making spectacles of themselves along with many booths all about how you can change and improve your body. Every time I go there I just feel worse about myself. People staring at me just because I choose to dress differently (aka all black) and just because I don't have the physique of other men. Some people even asked me if I really am gay just because I look and act differently from everyone else in the fair. If I wanted to be told everything I do I wrong I would go home to my mom. I go there to feel accepted and I end up feeling like an outcast. People just don't get past my outward appearance to see me inside, that's what the gay community is about. Just like the rainbow flag, it is superficial and excludes those not in its colors.

 

The Pride festival here is nothing like this. There's a 'parade of boats' all done up in rainbow colors (since the festival has been in a park right on the river the last few years), a kids areas for those who have them, a stage for music and acts, booths for both various LGBT organizations (local and national), various employers or service providers/sponsors, including banks, the CIA, various LGBT friendly churches, etc.

The people are all over the map in terms of appearance. People dressed all in black, in bright colors, in leather wear, in drag, in regular street clothes, in furry costumes, in Hemp/marijuana symbols, etc. Yes, there are some big, muscled guys. But there are also people who are on the heavier side, or very thin, or just average looking.

Todd

 

Your point being?

 

That while your experience at your local Pride event or community is unfortunate, it is not representative of all Pride events everywhere, nor is it representative of the entire LGBT community. That you might be well served to check out other events elsewhere or other elements of the community and perhaps you might find examples of both that are more to your liking.

Todd

 

Or maybe it could be that your experience is not reflective of the true nature of the community and is just a smokescreen to mask what it's really like.

 

Pride events are not for everyone and I think that's been well established in this thread, but it's also the case that some events are better than others. Organisation is the key.

The best pride events are representative of the full cross section of the LGBT community and attract huge crowds, for that very reason. I wouldn't go to an event where almost everyone was semi naked or dressed in drag, but I wouldn't go to an event where those people are not present either because it wouldn't be fully inclusive or representative and it would lack the colour and carnival atmosphere that makes pride what it is. If you've had a bad experience, go to a better event. Don't just go to a pride event because it's local either, go to a pride event because it's good and ticks all the boxes.

Several posters have expressed appreciation and enjoyment of pride events in this thread and we can't all be wrong. We don't have some vested interest and we haven't colluded to come up with the same answer in different words either, we are sharing the benefit of our personal experience.

If you go to a well organised event and still feel it's not for you, so be it. Nobody will think any less of you.

 

Actually it is quite possible for you all to be wrong and to have fallen for the illusion.