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Bisexual Privilege?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by MysteriousMadam, Jun 23, 2015.

  1. Pret Allez

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    Oh sweetie, I don't want you to feel worried :frowning2:

    When I read these threads, I have to make a call about whether or not it's a serious question and a serious discussion, or whether it's a fake question designed to give bigotry a platform, hiding behind a false pretense. I definitely don't think what you brought to us is in the latter category. It sounded to me like you're not very convinced of the proposition either!

    Also, if I really was worried about your position, I would have asked for clarification. (*hug*)
     
  2. CuriousArticles

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    You missed that everyone else calls bisexuality greedy and similar trains of though. But I think everyone else has summed it up nicely.

    personally figuring out I was bi was really hard because I do so desperately wanted to fit into the gay or straight catergories. "I like that man and not that woman I must be straight." "Wait. I like that woman but not that man....maybe I'm gay? Maybe I made myself think I liked that guy..." and so forth. Its less black and white in some senses.... basically we all struggle.
     
  3. Blackbirdz

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    I think I mostly agree with this. 'Privilege' is a loaded term that serves to trivialize the problems of an entire group of people. At the same time, I think it's important to at least acknowledge that different groups have different experiences and that it's incorrect and disrespectful to equate the struggles of one group with those of another. 'Privilege' should be dropped from the vocabulary altogether because it's a term that does nothing but sow seeds of bitterness between people. This applies not only to 'bisexual privilege', but to the use of 'heterosexual privilege' as well.
     
  4. Cider

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    I don't believe bisexual privilege exists. The only thing in my opinion that bisexual people are lucky to have over other sexualities (this applies to pansexuals too) is the ability to love both genders.
     
  5. biAnnika

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    Funny, I had pizza last night too.

    Anyway, you can call it privilege if you want, but I call bullshit on the implications. I could not choose not to fall in love with my partner, nor could I choose to fall in love with some guy instead. I was just as capable of shacking up with a guy I didn't love as most lesbians are. But I went for whom I fell in love with...and I've been living with her for the past 29 years.

    If it's a privilege, it's a pretty weak and meaningless one, as far as I'm concerned.
     
  6. Weekender

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    Is it a privilege to have people constantly assume you to be something you are not?

    I'm riding the coattails of everyone else here: it's a matter of being able to "fly under the radar" (aka bi-erasure). A bisexual individual in a relationship with the opposite sex is assumed to be straight, invalidating their identity. A bisexual individual in a relationship with the same sex is assumed gay, also invalidating their identity.

    That doesn't sound much like privilege.

    Everyone in the LGBT+ community experiences some degree of oppression, and the kind varies depending on the many different experiences and society-imposed conventions attached to different identities. No one's struggle is more or less meaningful than anyone else's, and shaming people for facing a different kind of adversity is... well, shameful in itself.

    I hate making sweeping claims, but I think a lot of declarations of "bisexual privilege" in regards to a bisexual individual's ability to be "straight-passing" stem from some degree of internalized homophobia.
     
    #26 Weekender, Jun 24, 2015
    Last edited: Jun 24, 2015
  7. Spatula

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    I like this post and I see what you're seeing, that 'privilege' is increasingly being used as a tool by some to punish and control others for social ills they're not responsible for, and to form new heirarchies within the communities that frequently discuss privilege.

    The difficulty we will always have with any well-meaning progressive movement is that manipulative people are everywhere. And they will always find their way into these movements and use the intellectual safe-spaces we create to foster their own insular beliefs. It's important to be vigilant about this type of behavior and be keen to tell the difference between people who use language that is inclusive and promotes egalitarianism vs people who use language that is demonizing and manipulative, passing for intellectualism. There's a lot more I could say about that but anyway...

    Part of the reason I like the word 'queer' more than 'lbgt'--which I absolutely despise, is that it's a word that describes all of us and unites us. LGBTQ-etc portrays us as together, but separated still, and establishes a hierarchy even within the word.
     
  8. DrinkBudweiser

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    From the outside looking in, at first you see an advantage because you can freely swing either way and there's plenty more to choose from in terms of finding your mate.

    On the other end of the spectrum, no.

    For instance, (not all - but a good chunk) of females aren't interested in men who have slept with other men. A lot of them think it makes a guy, less of a guy. That's narrow minded, yeah, but welcome to society. My best friend fully supports the LGBT community but when her ex-boyfriend confessed that he had a bisexual past, she was completely turned off.

    Many gays prefer someone who is exclusively gay/lesbian so they don't have to worry about their partner leaving them for the opposite sex.

    Yada, yada... List goes on.
     
  9. blueshadedsoul

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    I wouldn't consider a privilege having my sexuality ignored when I'm in a relationship with someone. As a bisexual you can pass as straight (which is obviously an easier path) but I don't want to pass as straight, because I'm not straight. It's more of an erasure of identity rather than a privilege, I think.
    Not to mention that many people, both gay and straight, still make negative assumptions about bisexuals.
     
    #29 blueshadedsoul, Jun 24, 2015
    Last edited: Jun 24, 2015
  10. antibinary

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    No. Bi/Pansexual people are more likely that gay/lesbian people to commit suicide, be victimised in a hate crime, be thrown out of houses for their orientation, ignoring the fact that people pretend that we don't exist. We are 7% more likely to be bullied. Annual Bullying Survey 2015: Bullying Statistics 2015 (Average take of 61% gay and 76 lesbian as there will be similar variances in gender in bi people)Health Concerns for Bisexuals | Brown University Health Education Bisexuality in the workplace: LGBT networks aren't enough | Guardian Careers | The Guardian Sexual Assault in the LGBT Community - National Center for Lesbian Rights

    And again, being closeted, I.e. being forced to hide who you truly are, is not, and never will be a privilege. Gay/lesbian people, you know this.
     
  11. xylaz

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    Gay men fetishize bi/str8 guys and yet others avoid them under the assumption that they are insecure or bull-shitters. I've had experiences with both.
    I really hate the labels and the privilege because it comes to a point where we battle for entitlement or better treatment and do nothing to solve the actual problem; eliminating stigma and bias.
    I've only had one relationship with a girl, but I felt insecure because several people knew I wasn't straight entirely and when I saw them, I felt like a fraud. It really is erasure of identity because of I present as straight, I don't deal with prejudice.
    I think the problem is assuming that being bi entails being straight or gay and being able to choose. That is far from it! That's the same premise behind the notion that people can choose to be gay or straight. It's very unfair.
    Just because we have more options does not mean we have more privilege. Control implies privilege-a bisexual person can't control their attractions.
     
  12. TENNYSON

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    Preach.

    If you're not constantly being crapped on by all of society every waking moment of your life, does that mean you're "privileged"? We all have privileges. There are advantages and disadvantages to being just about anything. And I agree that it has become more of a word used in the age-old game of Oppression Olympics to see who "has it worse". Higher "privilege" levels mean less chances of taking home the gold :wink:
     
  13. BryanM

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    Mostly all of this. While bi privilege may not exist, there are definitely some privileges that do exist within society.

    "Bisexual privilege" is based off of the notion of passing as straight. Plus, biphobia is a huge example of how "bi privilege" does not exist.
     
  14. bicomplicated

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    Ahhh I heard this from a gay "friend" one time when I was in an exclusively straight relationship. And he probably thinks I am more "privileged" now that I have a girlfriend also. But I hate the concept of bi privilege. I've never felt privileged. I've especially never felt privileged because of my sexuality. I have felt invisible. When I passed as straight because I was in a straight relationship; I felt invisible. When I passed for lesbian because I was in a same sex relationship; I felt invisible. People assume you are gay or straight because of who you are with when you might actually be bi. I have to tell people "well I am actually bi." and then I usually get hurtful sterotype and ignorance replied...at least initially. I don't think bisexuals (passing for straight or not) have it easy at all. And yes, I think bi privilege is bs. :slight_smile:
     
  15. Simple Thoughts

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    I actually didn't say or even imply that. I recall specifically mentioning that my complaint was that they muddied up the water with that term so much at this point that it's hard to take seriously.

    As a concept I understand what it means, but when everything under the sun is a privilege it's hard to take it seriously.
     
  16. Michael

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    What privilege?! No way... You receive tons of shit from all fronts : Hetero and homo.

    Extra points when you are trans, 'cause your 50% gayness seems to invalidate your gender automagically.

    There is no bisexual privilege.
     
    #36 Michael, Jun 24, 2015
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 24, 2015
  17. MetalRice

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    No, there really isn't.
     
  18. Simple Thoughts

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    I agree with that sentiment.

    Or at least change the tone.


    I don't like this "You have a privilege therefore you should feel bad even though you didn't actually do anything" attitude

    I miss the old days where the attitude was "You are lucky, you were given a privilege that a lot of other people don't have and you shouldn't waste it, and use the advantages you were given to help others"

    ^

    I used to see that a lot in movies on t.v. as a kid or some variation of it.

    Now everyone just tries to use it as a tool to make other people feel bad.

    ---------- Post added 24th Jun 2015 at 06:31 PM ----------

    X3

    You just reminded me of a video I watched a while back

    ---------- Post added 24th Jun 2015 at 06:32 PM ----------

    If that's the premise than the argument is fundamentally flawed.

    I am bisexual and people automatically assume I'm gay. Seriously even when I had a girlfriend people just thought it was a cover. I don't even really get why, apparently me just being me is seen as super gay or something =/
     
  19. Pret Allez

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    I was reading your remarks in the totality of what I could remember about your discussion of privilege in the past. I am unable to recall a time where privilege came up and you didn't have some sort of objection to it being raised. If that's untrue, then I'm sorry. I'm not out to misrepresent your views; I'm simply unable to recall such a time. Given what I remembered, I assumed that you rejected the concept of privilege entirely.

    ___________________________


    Now, I'm quite open to the idea of a person having a generalized objection to the concept of privilege, but I would ask them four questions: 1) is it true that oppression between groups exist and therefore one group of people is much, much more culpable than the other?, 2) if (1) is false, then what is the nature of oppression exactly?, 3) if (1) is true, then why is it productive to ask that the disadvantaged group avoid any and all advocacy that could be perceived as blaming the advantaged group?, and 4) if we are to discard "privilege" as a concept because, while maybe being true in many instances, it's a conversational non-starter because it blames people, then what language can we possibly use to discuss the issues we face?

    The concern I'm raising with the last question should be obvious. If we discuss the fact that sometimes the advantaged group has no empathy for us and does things that harm us, have we not entered the exact same territory that discarding "privilege" should have gotten us away from? What kind of resistance strategy does that leave us? It seems to me that the notion we should abandon privilege is more about saying that disadvantaged people should not be allowed to make any criticisms at all.
     
    #39 Pret Allez, Jun 24, 2015
    Last edited: Jun 24, 2015
  20. Lipstick Leuger

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    I agree with you 100%. When I was first out and testing my identity, I tried on the Bi label for a bit, being young and not realizing that the label of Queer Femme was actually the correct one for me. There was NO privilege involved with the Bi identity.

    Aside from being put down by lesbians who didn't think I was really into women, and others saying they would not date a Bigirl because men had been there, or I could not be trusted, there was always that feeling and pain of being seen as straight, when dating men. There was the guilt of letting the community down, as I was able to pass and not be judged as gay. I considered myself gay, but was not accepted as such and looked down at by my own people, given dirty looks if I happened to be with a male and wearing a rainbow item, or other straight people who didn't see my relationships with women, after knowing I dated a male, as valid.

    This Bi privilege does not exist.