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Should I come out to a confusing friend group?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by thewizard, Jun 17, 2015.

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  1. thewizard

    thewizard
    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Michigan
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Sorry for the confusing title I just didn't know how to describe the way my friends view things. One of the friend groups I am have some extremely homophobic people in them. I'm still trying to figure out how many people in this friend group actually have homophobic views or if they're just going along with the main couple of people.

    On one side, I feel that coming out to them would help me have less anxiety around them. I also think that it may help me meet more gay/bi in my school whether this is for a friendship or who knows what. It would just be nice to have someone to talk to instead of having o hide everything.

    On the other hand, coming out to this friend group could end making things very awkward. I have to spend a lot of time with this friend group because it's the cross country team I'm on, but I feel like coming out to them could make very simple things very akward. For example, I think that if I end up coming out they'll all exclude me when we talk in the locker room. It's not like I would look at them anyway. I don't do that now and never would I just don't think they'd believe me. I also feel like it'd cause a lot of fights that I don't want to get into. I already got into a formal argument with a team member on how being gay isn't a bad thing, he has no clue I am.

    With all this information what would you do. Should I wait until I graduate and never tell them that I'm gay, or should I come out and see what happens?
     
    #1 thewizard, Jun 17, 2015
  2. Buttermilk

    Buttermilk
    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Canada
    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I probably wouldn't come out in your situation because I am cowardly/cautious, but if you do come out, perhaps you should come out a few people at a time, starting with the people you trust the most. I would advise that you do not come out to extremely homophobic people because that may end up making you a target. If they state homophobic opinions, you can politely correct them, but I would hesitate to go any further than that.
    When considering your options, just remember to think about all the major consequences of staying closeted or coming out. If you are going to be discriminated against in a significant way and/or bullied (aka harassed), coming out isn't worth it. On the other hand, if you know you will get love and support and create a healthier environment for everyone, by all means go ahead and come out. :slight_smile:
    Just remember, you know your situation better than I do, and my opinion/reasoning may not be right, nor the best. Whatever you choose to do, make sure you're comfortable with the choice. It might also help if you get other people's opinions; I'm sleep deprived atm so my brain is kinda dead. xP
     
    #2 Buttermilk, Jun 17, 2015
  3. DrinkBudweiser

    DrinkBudweiser
    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Indiana
    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    You should come out to them, definitely.

    If someone doesn't accept you, they aren't truly your friend. You can't hide who you are just to stay friends with a bunch of ignorant bigots. You'll make yourself miserable. Reveal yourself or lose those friends, ball is in your court but I suggest that you do one or the other.
     
    #3 DrinkBudweiser, Jun 18, 2015
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