As some of you know I've encountered a number of dating difficulties. My first somewhat serious relationship was very one-sided. I happened before I was ready. We went out two months. He's still stalking me. He "cannot get over me." Tripe. I dated someone who was in an open relationship. Hated being the third party. The one person I'd love to date is off the market and is looking to leave the area. So I'm trying to save myself some heartache. This is just some background information which may or may not be relevant to the subject at hand. I gone out with a gentleman just 3 years younger than myself. We hit it off at a birthday party. He's a full time job and works part-time at a local gallery. He's rather dapper and as a friend said "a bit high maintenance." We really hit it off and then nothing. I thought I may have pushed too hard, It turns out he had a heart condition , which has take a turn for the worse. He doesn't feel as though he should carry on a relationship in part, because of the side effects of his medications. He doesn't want to talk about it and fells that people's concern, offers of help are adding to the stress, and needing to be brave. and want's to be alone. He's says our timing was bad and that I'm cute, sweet, and nice. Due to my own experienced with someone who won't let go, I am more than hesitant to pursue the matter further. I myself have faced health issues, in particular my broken back, when I've just wanted to be left alone. I'm willing to give him space, but I don't know if I really want to give up on the relationship. In some regards, it's like the discussion we had on relations and HIV status. It would be ironic to have given up my marriage for what could be a sexless relationship. The gods would be laughing. We've not been even been to bed yet. We've just been dating. I really like this guy. It's not just sex. Do I give him a month or so and check back to see how thing's are. Do I just abandon it altogether and treat it like a lovely interlude. I hate feeling like an adolescent needing dating advice. I can't go to our mutual friends, because I wouldn't want anything carried back to him. Suggestions, comments, opinions. Yes, I've thought that this might be his way of letting me down gently, but I really don't think so.
Tim my friend....my dating experience could be written on the head of a pin, but I'd sit down and have a very direct but respectful conversation with him. He's probably in a very confused and fearful state over the heart issues, and it may be worth it to let him know how you feel about him, and that you're willing to allow this to be a chance to grow your friendship. Good luck....
BE HIS FRIEND and forget the rest of it and I mean forget it. Be to him what he probably needs more than anything else - a friend. Be there for him in the little things of life. Be honest with yourself in following that path and honest with him. That may all you'll ever get out of the relationship is friendship. And that's a pretty powerful thing. How many people can do that. Give everything you can to this guy and EXPECT NOTHING IN RETURN and I mean that literally. He will feel any hidden expectations and will shut you down. There's a fine line between friendship and loving someone - sex is only the dot on the i of loving. You can do without it if you really care for this guy. If you can't do that, then leave him alone. That's my advice and probably the best you'll get on the subject.
I'm going to go with Father Freddie right above me: Be his friend Expect nothing in return If you can't do that, then leave him alone Also consider that, upon learning of having a health condition at his young age, he may be grieving over that until he better learns to cope with it and adjust to it.
I would put the emphasis on friendship and see how it goes from there, but at the same time keep your options open, so you are not totally invested in this one man. If he see's that you are still interested in him, despite the heart condition, he may come to realise how much better it is for his physical and emotional wellbeing to share his life with another person. He has to decide between playing it 'safe' by keeping other people at a distance, but living a rather solitary life, or taking a bit of a chance (with his heart) to live a loving and fulfilling life. It's possible that the heart condition has made him risk averse, but he should also know that loneliness can be heartbreaking, so the supposedly safe option isn't necessarily the best option. He needs to realise that and decide for himself Tim, but your continued friendship may sway him eventually. The problem is... how long is eventually? Do what you are doing, but keep your options open too. That's my advice.
Thank you for all your suggestions. At this point, due to the busy 2 weeks ahead. I think I'll give him some space, but then initiate a dialogue. I was not just looking for a sexual relationship, although I'd be lying if I said it wasn't a factor. I think the week or two without communications will also determine if I can be just a friend. I think we are friends, but we were both pursuing the friendship as a step toward a romantic union of some sort. This is the first time it wasn't just feeling my oats as it were. And like an adolescent girl I was wondering what our monogram might look like. Yes, despite my bearish tendencies, we're both a little fussy and arty. LOL. putting the cart before the horse, as it were.
