Hey im a 19 year old guy. I am going to try to make this as short as possible for you, I've been confused about my orientation for the last year and it has made me severely depressed for different periods, like now. I grew up always attracted to girls, women, always had crushes on girls, like the kind of thing where there would be a girl chasing me on the playground and i one day realized "i kind of want this girl to catch me", thats when i knew i liked girls. Although i was always attracted to girls and crushed on them, I was an outcast from all guys at my school. I only had a couple of guy friends, and I even felt outcasted by them. I wasn't outcasted because I didnt feel like i belonged, i was outcasted because none of them liked hanging out with me, and all i wanted was to hang out and be one of the guys. I was bullied a lot and called fag all the time, and it crushed me and I never understood why I was any different from them, I liked girls and was interested in the same things. I had a terrible at home environment, mom always talked crap about my dad, he was never around, abuse, drinking, it was awful, i wouldnt wish that on my worst enemy. I started watching porn early, even before I could ejaculate. I was in a very sexualized house where nothing was ever secret to me, I heard all about my sisters periods and mothers problems and all that, just not a good environment for a child. I'd take peeks at my dads playboys and get aroused. Tried looking in the girls locker room at school, aroused by boobs, etc. I watched porn constantly and eventually remember looking at gay porn for the first time in 9th grade probably, or 10th. It felt wrong but it was very arousing. I didnt even realize it was gay to watch gay porn until a year and a half ago. I still didnt watch it often, because it made me feel weird, like it wasnt me. Anyway, i started obsessing about by orientation about a year ago. I dont want to be gay because i just feel like its not who i am meant to be. I test myself all the time, constantly analyzing my every move. I never had a crush on a guy before, and cant see myself in a relationship with one. I always wanted a girlfriend and it kills me and makes me feel so empty to think that i might be gay. Although I've worried about it a lot, I have compulsions and make myself feel better like "oh see i wasnt aroused by that, I'm not gay" and then I'll have a good week, ill act more manly and confident and I even get aroused by women when I feel good. I get aroused by pictures of naked women and feel like having sex with them, see girls in bikinis at my work and get aroused. Then i see something or think about that i might be just fooling myself and then it gets me all messed up again, then I'll end up testing myself to see if i get aroused by naked men. If i do, I get completely devastated until I give myself another reason to realize im not acutally gay. Can anyone give me any advice, I dont want to be homosexual. I dont have any bad feelings against gays, I have 2 gay people in my family. It's just not anything I ever wanted for myself or thought I'd have to be. I feel like all the things in my life have just messed up my sexuality, and that I'm not truly gay. Theres even a pretty girl at my work that I think I have a crush on, but I stay away because all these feelings make me think I couldnt ever have sex with her because im just gay, even though I still get aroused by girls when I'm not feeling down about myself. I feel like I'm not man enough for her. Thank you for the feedback, it means everything.
Hey there, it's all good! You don't need to label yourself but it's really good that your honest with yourself. It seems you might have attractions on both ends of the gender spectrum. That doesn't require you to have the same emotional attractions too. It's hard to deny the other attractions because they happen and that's just you, nothing wrong. You can love girls and be sexually attracted to them and find guys attractive as well without loving them the same. And as far as not being man enough for the girl you like... pssh, not all of us fit the effeminate gay stereotype and there are many masculine gay/bisexual guys. If your more honest with yourself, that'll boost your confidence. Trust me, you don't want to be self loathing for your lifetime. Be happy with you
It's cool bro, the most important thing is to not do anything rash if your depressed. Please don't hurt yourself or do something you'd later regret. About the larger issue: The first thing you need to figure out which gender your SEXUALLY attracted to. If it's men then your probably gay or bi. Once you figure that out just remember that You are still You. You are the same wonderful person and you have the same likes dislikes e.t.c. If you just accept who you are and own it then it becomes a part of your identity aand something to be Proud of. Remember, any which way you go, the issue will still be there and it won't go away. If you continue to be depressed about it then your only harming yourself in the long run. Find your own answer and be comfortable with it.
But I dont understand it. If I was gay, why would I have crushed on girls and been aroused by them my whole life? and not guys? I just tested myself again because I was stressing out, and I can never get aroused by pictures of naked guys, just videos. What does this mean? I was scrolling through pictures trying to see if I could get off to it, and I couldnt, until I scrolled onto a video and it got me hard. Its so confusing and frustrating. And the only guys that can turn me on are the ones that are in shape and have a big dick, but if he is a little hefty or normal build I dont get turned on. If a really good looking guy doesnt have a big dick, it wont arouse me at all.. why? I feel like I have some sort of fetish for big dicks or something, maybe because I used to be very insecure about mine back in puberty and I always thought I was smaller than everyone else, even though im not. I even had a girlfriend that I wanted to do stuff with but I was too afraid to show her my penis. Idk...
It sounds to me that you're bisexual, but with a straight preference. Try answering these questions honestly, without putting labels into your mind. Have you ever thought of being in a relationship with a man? Ever had a crush on one? Also, do you get more aroused by guys or girls or is it perfectly equal?
Maybe you just have a type. I have a gay guys I don't find attractive and straight guys I don't find attraactive. Its okay to have a typetype. There is also the possibility that you are bisexual or gay but find the possibility of that so distasteful that you are attracted to the idea of being straight mentally but not sexually. I hope you understand what I'm trying to say here cuz its a little confusing. The important thing is to not work yourself up about it, you got the rest of your life to dwell on it.
I kind of get what your saying. But I do get aroused by women, especially if I get out in public and not think about it and stop worrying. Once i feel confident and masculine, thats when women sexually arouse me. But once I start stressing out or feel emasculated, thats when I start to test myself on men. I feel like I have gone through many things in life that would point to my homoerotic attraction. (bad relationship with dad, overbearing mother, close to sisters, never guy friends). I feel like once I feel emasculated or inferior to other guys, is when I sexualize them as erotic, because its something different than me. Then once I have a day where I bond with a guy on a friendship level and feel like one of the guys and masculine, is when my attraction towards women grows. That is the only thing that makes sense to me. It turns me off to think that I cant control what I'm attracted to, because once I actually try, I can affect my mood and how I see other people. I dont feel like i need to embrace a sexual attraction to guys because it might be there, but actually look as to what is actually causing that attraction to them in the first place.
Hey Wantsuki12, Like most of the people on here, I agree that you should not put a label on what you should be. There are many types of sexual orientations rather just being gay or straight. I understand that you feel more of an attraction to females. But the thing is, what you feel should be natural to you, rather than what you feel you should be. It shouldn't about who you have sex with, it's about the person who you love. As you are 19, you've got a whole life ahead of you. I've known someone when I was at school and they went out with other girls in my class, as soon as they left school he came out to me as bisexual and then eventually over time, he came out as gay. I'm not saying you'll be gay and only attracted to guys, as I said there are soooo many sexual orientations that people do not know about and should not feel like you are less of a man or a woman. If anything, if you take time to understand your sexual preference and not make a big thing out of it, it will make so much more sense. You shouldn't feel like, you should know everything about your sexual orientation right now. People go through so many stages thinking they are one thing and end up being another or society could think they are one thing, but you know who you are inside. So don't feel so downhearted or sad about your sexual orientation, because it's only 1% of you rather than 100% of you, I hope this helps?
I think you're looking too much into it? I understand what you're saying, but don't try to test yourself that way, just do what feels right to you at that moment. I think the only way to test yourself that might give you a clue, is experimenting. Ask the girl out maybe? See how she makes you feel emotionally and don't focus on the sexual part. Anyway, it's normal that your attractions vary, don't feel bad about that. When I started questioning I felt a similar confusion and those conflicting feelings caused me a lot of distress, but I would say to don't label yourself and don't over-analyze. That's hard to do, but odds are you will figure yourself out with time. Idk, shitty advice but I hope this helps
Thanks for the replies. And what seems natural for me is being with a woman. Before I ever got into any gay porn or questioned myself, I was naturally drawn to women and crushed on them. It felt so right and I loved that feeling I got. I never had a crush on a guy, and even if I were to screw a guy (which i wouldnt wanna do) I could never see myself liking a guy or wanting to hold hands or kiss one. My natural instincts lead me to feel like I want to do that with women. Just so much conflicts about it and other thinking over the past year have caused me to doubt such a basic part of who I thought I was. If i was to be in a relationship with a guy, I would constantly feel there would be a void, that only being with a woman could fill.
Agreed with what was said earlier...you are looking too much into it. Trust me. That will drive you insane. I spent my entire life trying to research and "test" myself to figure out what label I would fall into, and what was wrong with me. In my opinion, don't look at it as a test....and also, as human beings we are constantly growing and learning about ourselves. You don't have to figure this all out in a day. Who cares what gets you off or not? You know? Just do what makes you happy, and comfortable. Chances are you just might enjoy both sexes for different reason and you aren't the only person like that in the world. Don't worry!
Dang...I know this thread is a little old but I just read this and you sound a lot like me. Don't really have any advice for you though man, just letting you know I'm going through it too. I've also wondered if I have a "big penis fetish" because back in the day I had a girl shoot me down because of size, and maybe I've taken some weird route to cope with the feelings, which led me to men with big penises lol...anyways, good luck figuring it out bro.
Like everyone else said, it's just who you are. It's really hard to be able to come to terms with it but one day you will be proud of who you are. It's tough right now because you feel different from everyone but just remember you aren't weird. All of us are here for you.
