So my parents and I got into another argument about me being transgender. They claim to understand what it is, but continue to call my gender an 'orientation'. They use God and science to try and get me to not be myself. They insist that I'm not 'giving' or 'compromising' at all, but their version of compromise is to suppress all of my feelings and to be the girl that they want and say they know I am. When I tried to talk to my dad about it, he said that I was making bad decisions, and that I was too immature and irresponsible to understand. He also claimed that me 'thinking I was actually a guy' was offensive and defied God and biology. Neither of them will listen to me.
Sorry to hear that. Remember it's your life and your journey and so people will never understand it or appreciate it. Good luck!
God =/= science. There is a lot of research on the psychology of transgender people, as seen here: Transgender Identity Issues in Psychology How old are you? You may have to agree to disagree and just drop the subject for the time being if you're a teenager and dependent on your parents.
Yeah, I'm 16. Because of this, mom and dad think that I can't think for myself. And thank you for the link, I'll read it right away!
Tricky topic. With parents versus children, there's always that "might is right" bias making any argument an unfair fight. If you annoy them too much, they might kick you out and make you homeless. Do not underestimate the boss-level stubbornness that parental types are capable of. Maybe ask yourself, why do you need your parents to accept you for who are inside? By trying to win them over, you're attempting to rebuild or strengthen some family bonds. So, in a way, you're not showing that you can be independent.
It's hard for most of parents to accept their son being trans. They just heard 'it's an x' from a doctor long ago, and since then they tried to do their best to educate you 'the right way', so you'd have a happy life. Some of them care way too much about what neighbours will say, but others are genuinely concerned about your well being. If you take into consideration that they have not enough info about gender and orientation, that they never had the need to question about it themselves, then you can understand better where are they coming from. When you try to teach a kid about something, you need to use extreme simplifications, and to check all times that the kid understood you, and not his own interpretation of what you just said. This happens often with adults as well, and it happens to us as we struggle to learn a new concept. For them being trans is something new. They are afraid, 'cause it's the very oposite of what they are. They think their mission is to educte you 'the right way' instead of showing you all the possibilities. Please forgive them if they seem obstinate or even silly, they just can't help it. You can't expect a savage to understand quantum mechnics, and you can't expect an engineer to hunt for a rabbit (at least not as easily as a svage, who hunts rabbits everyday). You are being very brave by being honest, so be proud of it. My advice is that you don't try to win them over right now, think of it as a war made of many little battles, and analyze each and everyone to find your strenghts and weaknesses. You can try to make them see, but f they like their blindness, they'll do anything to remind blind. So take it easy for your own sake. Only if they try to supress your gender expression or dare to make hurtful remarks, then you need to be very verbal and firm bout your positikn and your own feelings. Try not to appear very emotional, even when you are boiling inside. Keep calm at all times, 'cause you are not giving a personal opinion, but explaining a fact : This is you, period. Keep strong,it will change as soon as you get a job and get independent. In the mentime you'll be stuck on the kindergarten, but it's not that bad... Think of it as a human nature's study, and think of yourself as a researcher instead of a son. Thanks to this I survived my parents during those times. Well, this and neverending coffees everywhere but home...
Thank you very much my friend. It means a lot that you took the time to write down such a supporting message for me. I appreciate it. I'll keep your words in my mind when my parents and I inevitably get into a fight.
