First time I realized that I am gay later than most gay people do, around the age of 17, when I started to feel sexual attraction at all. The reason is that I hit puberty later than most kids and I developed into an adult at a slower rate. I am still clueless of why did it happen. It could be some medical condition, genetics, chemical poisoning or something else. I had a series of life events that might have caused it. At the age of 6 I broke the old fluorescent lamp, but never told my parents and dumped the evidence all by myself. During my teenage years I was burning trash in a barrel and stay beside breathing those nasty fumes which I have discovered later is harmful. At the age of 13 I severely injured my balls by hitting them onto bicycle frame. My dad once told me that I had a birth injury to my head which might have affected my growth and development. I guess my biological age is about 5 years less than my factual age and people who comment ed on my looks usually do not give me more than 18 (I am 22 now) and at times people describe me as 'effeminate' or 'girly'. Even now my libido is pretty low. It rarely reaches a level of a healthy male in his early twenties. However if I compare it to what I had two years ago, it is definitely higher - I get sexual urges more often. I am very embarrassed to even talk about it to anyone, so I just pretend to be 'normal'. I bet my gayness is way more socially acceptable here in Canada than being 'not enough of a man'. I am not sure about what to do with my problem. Should I see a doctor and tell him my story or not bother and wait until my body fully develops which does not seem to happen any time soon. Sorry for a long post, I just wanted to let it out... >< If you have any thoughts, I would be happy to read them.
The first thing I would say is I didn't fully realise I was gay until I was 17 when I had my first crush, up 'til then I'd never had feeling like that for someone and I am otherwise fine. The first question I would ask is when did you first have pubic hair? Anything up to age 16 is 'normal', you may feel there is something wrong because you went through puberty later than your peers, but the fact is there will always be a first person and a last person and neither necessarily means there is something wrong. Also a possible birth injury would be much more likely to affect your cognition than growth. As for libido that's a pretty complex area, if you're depressed about perceived low libido it can actually make it worse even if it was fine in the first place! Low libido can also be affected by low testosterone but that also can be affected by being overweight or feeling depressed, low T can be helped by hormone injections but do beware that these can cause testicular atrophy as it may take over from natural T production. If it is something that does bother you then seeing your doctor isn't a bad idea but do be prepared to be told that there is nothing abnormal as is often the case.
Same here. I never had any sexual feelings to a guy until I was 17 years old, but I had crushes on girls but they were purely platonic. But did you have any sexual feelings before the age of 17? I never had any and never even wanted to masturbate. I started to get pubic hair at the age of 16, a few months before I turned 17. At the age of 17 I still had immature voice, no facial hair, just little hair in the armpits. Physically I looked like a 12-13 years old boy while my peers already had muscles, body hair, deep voices, most of them were talking a lot about sex (means they were interested in it) and everything else that defines an adult. Either I am on the edge of 'normal' or not really normal because from what I have read puberty in healthy males normally starts at 12-15 nowadays. If I was born in the Middle Ages I would not be worried at all since at that time the normal start of puberty for males was 2-3 years later than now. Regarding low libido I doubt that it is due to depression in my case. There are times when I feel really down and times when I am in a very good mood that can last for weeks, but my libido stays the same regardless of how I feel. I am kind of used to have low libido that most of the time I am not worrying about it. Right now I don't know whether or not I should be concerned about it, because it certainly restricts my sexual activity, but that is not the only problem. As what you said, I might have low testosterone just because I also have some other symptoms of low T besides low libido such as muscle weakness, fatigue, low energy, mood swings, sleep disturbances, lack of motivation, poor facial hair growth. However I am certainly not overweight - I am 6 ft 1 in and 145 lb, though I have slightly feminine bone structure - long arms and legs relative to torso, wider pelvic bone relative to shoulders. Yes, I heard of exogenous testosterone that is often being prescribed by doctors and its negative effect on natural testosterone production. This is a reason why I am still reluctant about visiting a doctor. On the other hand I want to discover the root of my problem and possible ways to get to the point where I will have normal sex drive, motivation, sufficient energy level, stable mood and be less depressed. I want to believe it is achievable without being dependent on exogenous hormones for the rest of my life. ><
