Hi, I'm afab and currently exploring my gender identity and trying to find which labels I feel most comfortable using to describe myself. At the moment I can describe my experience as genderfluid and I spend a lot of time feeling neutral, genderless or masculine. At the moment I am taking a contraceptive pill to treat my acne, it also means I can stack the pill packets and have fewer periods which really helps me when I'm feeling dysphoric. Unfortunately this pill is loaded with female hormones and the function of it is to suppress androgens like testosterone because that is what causes my acne. Over the years it has sort of taken my body through a second puberty and I've ended up having significant fat distribution around my hips and thighs which can really bother me on days where I'm feeling very far from female. I'm disabled so any exercise that could be done to change my body shape would have to go at a much slower pace than the average able person and I'm quite impatient. Has anybody had similar experiences? Has anybody got any advice in accepting my body on days when it feels like it doesn't fit my gender/lack of gender? I'm extremely insecure about how bad my skin gets when I stop taking this medicine and I get really bad scarring from my acne. I feel a bit stuck really.
I also have pretty bad acne. I've found that always using a moisturizer helps a lot. I've battled it for at least 7 years though. Kind of sucks. For me, acne is a trade off I'm willing to take. There are other types of acne medications that aren't birth control. Low dose antibiotics, but they aren't too good for your gut. If you eat a lot of yogurt while you do those though, you might be able to have no acne and still be pretty healthy. Drink water. I would try to exercise if you can. Just because you would be slower doesn't mean you shouldn't do it. Depending on the disability, exercise can help it for some people.
You might also want to ask your doctor about birth control/acne medicine that doesn't use hormones (or suppress them). Also lots of water and remember that you're who you are no matter how you look, and it might be hard but you're awesome!
Thank you both for being so supportive. I was on antibiotics about a decade ago for my acne so I could definitely try that again. I think I'll need to go to my doctor and ask what my options are. Or perhaps I'll go to a local sexual health clinic, chances are they'll have a better understanding of why I'm asking about alternative options. I've got chronic fatigue so I'll have to be very careful about how much energy I use on exercising but hopefully it's something I can stick to and see some changes from. I just want a body that I can feel comfortable in no matter what gender I wake up as. I guess I've got a lot of self acceptance to do... it's tricky.
There are a wide range of hormonal birth controls with varying degrees of androgenic effects. For example, Seasonale is both quite androgenic and also means you only get your period once every three months. However, a more androgenic formulation might also not help your acne as much. Such are the tradeoffs.
