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How did you come out to your parents/friends/etc?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Hawk, May 31, 2015.

  1. Hawk

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    I feel like I'm almost ready to tell my parents I'm FTM, but I want to know some ways other people have told their parents/friends/etc.
    Thanks.
     
  2. MarthRoyIke

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    I'm not transgender but here is how I came out to my best friends:

    After months of practicing a long winded lecture on how we've been friends for such a long time and how I respect our friendship and how I want nothing to change and how it's been really hard for me and why I'm choosing now to reveal this secret and explaining my relationship with my ex girlfriend and blah blah blah.... I settled on this short statement:

    Responses range from "Dude, that's okay, we're still friends" to "I sort of guessed a few years back" to "Thank you for opening up to me".
     
  3. matiasz94

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    Once I started cutting my hair and dressing how I wanted, my mom just kind of cornered me and asked me and I told her, yes I was trans. She started crying and then got mad so I took it back... so yeah I guess not the most helpful. Sorry, bro.

    Idk I'm kind of wondering if while I'm in uni I can start hormones and not go home for holidays and come out when I feel ready.
     
  4. YuriBunny

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    I wrote a coming out letter.
     
  5. matiasz94

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    If you do go through with it let me know how you did it and what was the reaction. Best of luck!
     
  6. Christiaan

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    I had a constant boyfriend for two years, spending several months at a time actually living with him, talking increasingly without any effort at discretion on the phone with him, and finally she interrupted a phone conversation that I was having with him, one night, and asked. I told her, "Yes, and I'm in the middle of putting him to bed. Can we talk tomorrow?" There really wasn't much talking to do, though, at that point.

    I mean, my father had even had the nerve, the first time I visited my ex, to give me a dire warning, "You don't know who this guy is! He might tie you up and FUCK ya!" I was thinking, "Well, I sort of hope so, but it's not your damn business." Anyway, it's not that they didn't know. They were just not wanting to acknowledge.
     
  7. bajel

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    I'm not trans, but here's how I came out to different people in my life:
    Best Friend #1- the first person I came out to, we were in the middle of a fight because she could tell something was up but I wasn't telling her what. Long as frick text message that explained everything. Didn't like doing it that way.
    Best Friends #2 and #3- with one of them we had this running joke about my mom thinking I was gay, so I just texted her and said "My mom is right sometimes" she wrote back ? and I just said "gay". She got it and was chill. The other friend straight up asked me and I just didn't deny it.
    My Dance Team- these are the 11 people in the world I'm closest to. It's hard to describe with out sounding cheesy but just super duper close. I was terrified. Sent out a group text saying that I needed to tell everyone something and then the next day I kind of told everyone individually real quick and laughing about it.
    My Mom- yikes the big one. I told her while she was driving which was no good. She was super shocked and there were some tears. I kinda wish I had done an email or letter, because some of her first reactions were hurtful. If I had written a letter maybe she would have thought more about her response?

    Sorry I wrote so much!! Just trying to give you the full picture and a few of the different outcomes I got. If you have a friend to come out to first that you KNOW will support you, go that route because it helps and more importantly you get some experience. Honestly, you'll just kind of know when it's time and how to do it.

    Good luck and I know you'll be absolutely fine!!
     
  8. guitar

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    I'm not trans, but I just sat down my friends / family and told them. With my mom and eventually dad, I sat them down when we were alone together and just said "I just wanted to tell you I'm gay." and proceeded to explain myself. I like to do it during alone time or in a small group. It can be difficult either during an argument/debate or among a large group of people.

    Whether you do it by email, in person, on the phone, text or however else, do it when things are calm and decent between you and the other person/people. It's easier to gain support that way and it doesn't seem like you're telling the person about your sexuality to harm them.

    My best friend, I sat him down after we were returning from an NHL hockey game. We were alone and I figured "what the hell, now's as good a time as any to tell him."
     
  9. Libra Neko

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    I was taking a walk with my mom, and I told her that lately I have uncluttered my mind and am accepting myself as I am. She didn't know what I meant, so I was forced to tell her I'm gay. She was surprised; she thought I was bi. Most people I know think I'm bi because I've dated both sexes. There is a huge difference though: the women are wonderful, the sex with the one guy was gross.
     
  10. kitnoki

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    I came out to my father first, (Mom and Dad lived separately, and I was living with Dad at the time) after a fight with my then boyfriend online. I'd been getting up the nerve for a while, acting more feminine, and when he came into my room I was crying. He asked me if I was OK and I told him. "No... I just had a big fight, and well.. you should know... I'm .. I'm Transgender, a girl in a boys body." His response was astounding. "Oh. I just thought you were gay. Well it doesn't matter, boy or girl, you're still my child, and I love you."
    I was blown away. We talked for quite a bit that night. Mom happened almost a year later and did not go so well (She is very religious). I told her over the phone, and her fist reaction was that I should turn to god, and her second reaction was dismissal, that I was confused or making things up for attention. She's gotten better in the intervening years, but is still dismissive. ( "Well of course you like games. Your brother does too, so does your father, in fact I think all BOYS do.") Most of my friends at the time learned through my parents, and confirmed it with me later, but were accepting. I've since made many more friends, and my transition is something I'm very open about.

    Hope this helps, if nothing else to allay some fears and stereotypes. Dad will not always be the angry one, mom will not always go crazy or disown you right away. Your family loves you, and wants the best for you. Just let them know that THIS is what's best for you.
     
  11. silk

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    Just going to make this short:
    I just told my friends. Went perfectly fine.
    I just told my mom (which was a lot harder), went fine.
    I let my friends tell everyone else, made it easier for me.

    I read a lot of ways to tell it to people on here, but I thought just saying it would be the easiest.
     
  12. guitar

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    Parents: my mom & I were sitting having a chat and she randomly changed the subject and blindsided me with "are you gay?" So I said yes and explained myself. My dad I haven't officially told but my mom told him the next day and he was fine. (Fun tip: have the movie Prayers for Bobby on hand).

    My friends I just sat down with them & tell them. Plus my relationship is listed on Facebook & most of my friends talk to each other, so I'm assuming most know.
     
  13. Creator

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    The first time I came out was on the bus on the way home from school. I was sitting next to my gay friend and I was saying to myself in my head "I'll tell him when we get to the next stop." and then the next stop and the next stop and so on. Until I finally had enough courage to say his name and tell him. Once I told him we sat there in silence for a minute and then he must have thought I fancied him because he said to me "Why are you telling me this?" I told him why (because I trusted him) and now I can speak to him and get advice from him on certain matters.

    I want to tell more people but I have not yet built up the courage.
    I hope this helped some people.
     
  14. Daydreamer1

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    Some directly in person, others through texting and other electronic means.
     
  15. RedFireFly

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    I've never not told anyone over text. A lot easier, in my opinion.
     
  16. Creator

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    I think you should tell them face to face as its a lot more personal. But what do I know? I've only done it once so far.