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Gay?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Norwegianwiking, May 25, 2015.

  1. Norwegianwiking

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    Hi guys! Have been reading here for a while and tought it would be a good idea toask what you think of me. (Sorry for bad written language, has been a while since I wrote anything in english)

    I am a 35 year old male and are living togheter with my gilrfriend and 3 children. We have alot of problems these days because I am questioning my sexual orientation. I have always had sexual fantasy about men. Had som experience when I was young with a friend, at 14-15 years old. Since that time I have always been thinking of him when I masterubate. At least until I was 18. Then I met my gilrfriend and the fantasy changed from this boy to more faceless men.

    I have never had any fantasy about women, at any time. Always when I masterurbate i think of men. I feel divided because my sexual feelings is towards men, and i havent experienced the more romantic side, where I want to live togheter and going on holidays etc with a man. Not saying that i dont want that but.
    I don't look at men on the street or beach or women. But when I look at erotic pictures, it's always men i look at. I dont like to look at nude women and surtenly not looking at vaginas.

    Recently my feelings for my girlfriend has changed. The thought of oral sex or intercourse makes me kind a grossed out and i don't like thinking of doing that. We had sex for some weeks ago and i felt that it was a bit wrong and didn't feel right because maybe i think it should be a man.
    I think if I would fell in love with a man, it would be easy to choose. But I have only had sexual feelings and not romantic feelings. I have also been denying my feelings for many,many years. Have had sexual fantasys and wanting to have sex with a man without really analyze the feelings. Not conscious anyway. And it is so strange for me that I like men that much and wondering if i really could fall for a man. I sure would love to have sex with a man.

    Any thoughts anybody?

    (again, i'm really sorry for my bad written english)
     
  2. Camel

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    Welcome to EC. Don't worry about your English. It is much better than my Norwegian!!

    It is really for you to explore and work out your sexuality, but it does sound very much like you at the very least have a gay side to you. Indeed, that would seem to predominate. It is not unusual to try and run away from that. I was out as a gay man in my early 20s, but then sort of panicked and tried to tell myself it was just a phase, or I was bisexual. I have had some sexual experiences with women, which made it easier to tell myself that, but honestly it was self deceit. I was always gay.

    I am not sure about the sexual feelings/romantic feelings divide you mention. I think the two are generally really closely linked.
     
  3. Norwegianwiking

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    Thanks for swift reply:slight_smile:

    In a way I feel divided. Like I only think of men when i'm aroused. I fantasized about a friend sexually for several years. And I have had 1 crush on a girl one time. with butterflies and all those feelings,but never sexually thoughts about. girls. When I have sex with ny g irlfriend, It feels good but i don't know if there is any sexual attraction towards her.
     
  4. Camel

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    Well, I'm no expert. Clearly there must be some bond with your girlfriend. And you have three children, which, at the very least, complicates matters. Are you able to discuss this with your girlfriend at all, or would that not be possible?
     
  5. Norwegianwiking

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    We have been talking for many months now. Last summer I began to think of myself beeing gay because I always think of men sexually. And if a realtiosnship with a man could function. I probably would like that very much.
    Yes, it is very complicated and we really don't know what to do. We have been togheter for many years now and it's not easy to start over again. Somtimes i can decide that i want to be in a realtionship with my girlfriend. But when I then think that I wont be able to see if I could have a relationship with a man. And that makes me sad..
     
  6. Camel

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    Life can be complicated. In your position, I think I would move very slowly and carefully. Children can be hurt, I understand (I don't have any and I am not an expert). Be careful not to do anything you will regret. But in the end, you have to be true to yourself.
     
  7. Norwegianwiking

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    Sure can... :\
    Ive been thinking for a very long time now. And it feels like im going crazy over all this, because i feel very ambivalence.
    I'm not going to be unfaithful if thats what you mean? Thats not going to happend.
    Im not sure if I know what the truth is anymore. I know that I have strong sexual feelings towards men and not women. But I don't know if it will be the same in real life. It's difficult to think that I would fall in love with a man.

    I want to meet men, but also i don't want to move out and end my longtime relationship with my girlfriend.

    I just feel very confused these days and having trouble knowing what to do.
     
  8. DoctorP

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    You must have learned to live your life with your gf. Im not in the same situation as yours but i can understand why you can't leave your gf. You have attraction with men. Just be honest to your girlfriend and tell her the truth. I think she really loves you and it is courage for you to tell her. Follow your heart, if she accepts you, be with her and with your children.
     
  9. Debora

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    Dear friend,
    it's not easy to face this situation, you don't have just a girlfriend, but children, and it's quite hard. I think you're completely gay, you say you don't know if you can fall in love with a man, but I think you've never found the right person to be in a relationship with, and it's not to late for you, your life has got a lot of surprises for you. You have to choose between your feelings and and your husband/father duties. If you choose the second one, you'll make your girlfriend and children happy but you'll be unhappy, confused and wondering for the rest of your life, and that's not good for your children, if you choose the first one, it may be hard at the beginning, but everybody of you will be better after some time.
    Hugs,
    Debora
     
  10. Norwegianwiking

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    thanks for the reply. i seems like we are going to go seperate ways. And I will probably find myself a new place to live.
    Can you assume that a person is gay when he's fantasies are only about men? and hans always been like that.?
     
  11. Camel

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    I think that is a fair assumption, yes.