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Bisexuals

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Ank11451, May 17, 2015.

  1. Ank11451

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    Hey guys,

    I'm looking for some feedback on homosexuality and bisexuality.

    If you are 100% sure you're gay and you know you want to marry/ date someone of the same sex would you date a bisexual?

    I recently had a shot with a gorgeous, awesome, girl who said she was bi and I couldn't get past it or see myself with Her. Now I'm kind of kicking myself in the ass for it because I shouldn't have discriminated because of that and feel like I missed out. But I truly was afraid to let myself be vulnerable with her for several reasons, the fact she wasn't a lesbian just made me not want a relationship :frowning2:

    What are your thoughts on it? Any good or bad experiences in homosexual and bisexual relationships?

    At the end of they day, I feel like bisexuals will chose the opposite sex... This is just my opinion though. Does this seem legit or am I ignorant to think this ?
     
    #1 Ank11451, May 17, 2015
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  2. LD579

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    With respect, it does seem ignorant to think that. Bisexual people can cheat, but so can gay people. Bisexual people could leave you for someone else, but so could gay people. It can help to put things in that perspective. Someone being bisexual wouldn't change my trust of them, and I would hope you can try to learn to do the same. Lots of bisexual people actually face a lot of mistrust and biphobia/ignorance due to misconceptions, but it never hurts to ask these questions in the right places (EC is one of those places) and to hear things from other people so those misconceptions can be challenged.

    So yes, I would absolutely date a guy who's bi. I've heard other people say they wouldn't, and I actually dated someone who said he wouldn't date bi guys. It actually was a huge turnoff and kind of cemented that things wouldn't work out between us, among other reasons that I already had.
     
  3. Ank11451

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    Thanks , I get it. I know I should be open to the idea, but it's hard for me..that is something I am going to work on. I believe a person is a person that can be loved regardless of how they identify their sexual orientation. Now I just have to get over my mistake of letting an awesome girl go because of it. It sucks :frowning2:

    Thanks for the input
     
  4. Fallingdown7

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    For me this depends on attitude more than sexuality.

    Are you a cheater? I won't date you. But any sexuality can cheat.

    Do you think people are still virgins if they've had lesbian sex but not straight sex? Then I won't date you. But I've met lesbians who thought this way and bi girls who did not.

    Do you think everyone is a little bit bi, sexuality is fluid for everyone and 100% gay does not exist? Then you're an elitist asshole I won't even befriend, but It's hard to generalize all bi people as elitist assholes.

    I admit that I think being left for or cheated on for a man is way worse than being cheated on for another woman myself, but the issue is that even people who identify as lesbians can leave you for men. The closet and self-denial is a powerful thing, and some lesbians end up curious or fluid and do just that. It's happened to me before, so I again, can't generalize.
     
  5. loveislove01

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    Yeah, I agree with that...
    People are faced with more judgement if they are in the middle of the spectrum rather than totally straight or gay. A common misconception is they have more sex, or are more likely to cheat on their partners as they are attracted to two or more genders...which isn't true at all. Sure, some bi people cheat, but they are just as likely to cheat than one who is totally straight, gay, or any other orientation. It's on the person themselves and their morals whether they would cheat or not. Personally, I identify as pansexual, and could be attracted to any gender. Currently, I like this girl and can only see myself with her at this point and do not find anyone else attractive or as lovable as she is...however, if it doesn't work out, I can see myself with a boy or girl or any gender...but when I'm with, or attracted to someone, they're the only person I see in a romantic sense and would never dare to cheat.
    I see that mid-spectrum people are oppressed sometimes within the LGBTQ+ community, but bisexuality is not to be associated with cheating or polyamory...they're different, and sometimes it's hard to see that.
    To be honest, it is kinda ignorant. Sorry if that was harsh.
     
  6. Pret Allez

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    Unfortunately, that's a common and hurtful stereotype that some gay and lesbian people have about bisexuals. I can only advise you to look around online for examples of bisexuals responding to this and other hurtful stereotypes in their own words.

    Also, I would ask you to consider how other bisexuals and pansexuals might feel that you've effectively created a "referendum thread" on whether or not we're worth dating...

    ~ Adrienne
     
  7. Boudicca

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    Of course, I'd date someone who is bisexual. The idea that they will leave you for a man because they are bi is a bit absurd and paranoid. A lesbian is just as capable of leaving you too, you know?
     
  8. eburian

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    I feel like there is a lot of biphobia with that possibly more than people realize. What I've noticed is people :
    1.) believe it doesn't exist/ that only gay people exist
    2.) it's still not clearly understood as a sexual orientation
    3.) There are probabaly a lot of people who are bisexual but aren't "out" yet because they are afraid of stigma
    4.) Media "still" portays a lot of bisexual characters badly aka I feel like noone knows how to weave it into the storyline.. aka they either find out they are gay, the characters are just overall really sexual, or they fall in love with a guy and all the other characters think they are straight. The one exception to this though is I do think they did a decent job with Tina in the L Word (note: haven't really seen any newer shows, would love to hear more thoughts :grin:)

    But yea I don't get it either, I've seen youtube videos where people who identify as lesbian are not necessarily outright mean but kinda ignorant what they say about what they think about dating bisexuals.. and it's like.. really.. I don't know it makes me angry.... :frowning2:
     
  9. doc

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    Of course cheating happens with all sorts of people and for all sorts of reasons. But I would also like to hear, maybe from bisexuals, whether there is some sexual drive that is not being fulfilled in a monogamous relationship that could damage that relationship. Sorry if that sounds insulting but I guess it is the actual question that sits at the heart of this uncertainty about dating bis. I see myself as 'mostly heterosexual' but the questioning that I am going through makes me worry about whether I will stray in order to be 'true to myself'
     
  10. Schloss

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    I know what OP is referring to. It is an idea that has permeated within the gay community, so denying it or calling it absurd will get us nowhere, whether the feelings are justified or not.

    For some it's a game of privilege (problem) and others it's genuine bisexuality (natural). If I go on a date with a man who tells me that he's just experimenting and plans to eventually marry a woman, it feeds into the hetero-patriarchal "comfort zone" that homosexuals don't have the privilege to be a part of. It is a personification of homophobia.

    Of course that changes when they can feel romantic/sexual love for the same gender, which most bisexuals can. Lets not forget that bisexuals are also victims of homophobia (whether internalised or social), and even if they resort to the opposite sex, their same-sex attraction won't magically disappear.
     
  11. QueerTransEnby

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    "Despite" being bi, I have managed to have 2 same sex relationships and never one with the opposite sex. It is not that it would be impossible, but it would be much more difficult to happen.
     
  12. Astral

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    As a bi person, I can say that your judgments are a little rash. I feel I'm attracted to both sexes about 50/50 (though many bi people have a preference; it all depends on the person) and regardless of which gender the person I'm interested in is, I simply can't see past the love I have for them to seek out 'something I'm missing' from the opposite sex.

    We don't crave a specific gender, we're just open to partners of the other gender as well. And for whatever reason, bisexual people are alienated within the LGBT community on top of the scrutiny we all get in society in general. It's most definitely unmerited!
     
    #12 Astral, May 17, 2015
    Last edited: May 17, 2015
  13. twister692

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    I feel as a bisexual that it doesn't matter if my partner is bi or gay. The only thing that matters to me is our connection to each other. As a bisexual, if I'm happy in a relationship, it's not going to matter what you are. On the opposite end, my significant other shouldn't have to feel that I would leave them for someone of the opposite sex just because I am bi. I am the type of person that, like I touched on above, if I have a connection with you in a relationship I am very loyal and will always be very honest.
     
  14. Chierro

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    As a bisexual person, it is a tad insulting. Could I see myself with a girl eventually? Sure. Could I see myself with a guy eventually? Sure. If I fall in love with a guy will I cheat on him or dump him because of what is the social norm? No. A gay person or a straight person could cheat just as much as a bi person. Yes, someone who is bi has "more opportunities" (I guess you could say), but that doesn't mean that we are prone to cheating.
     
  15. Ruthven

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    eh i think that really depends on the individual and how their attraction system works.

    like i dunno the "more opportunities" thing makes no sense to me. like how-- i think that depends...

    an example: gay guy attracted to 20 guys (like that he can remember bein attracted to so far this month just go with it)

    bi person attracted to maybe 10 guys, couple girls, and one nb person

    or even 50 guys and 20 girls and 10 nb people

    or for the gay guy maybe it's 100 guys

    like i don't know if i'm makin any sense here, but can anyone see where i'm goin with this? what i'm tryin to say?

    cuz my point is that attraction and how it works and what people find attractive is all very individual and subjective, and so that's gonna extend in the whole general aspect of this realm of "opportunities"
     
  16. Lyana

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    This is interesting, not really insulting. And I can't speak for all bisexual people. I know some have, after years and years of a monogamous relationship, felt the increasing desire for sex with a person of a gender they're not in a relationship with. So it does happen, and if you're not open about it, yes, it can be damaging to the relationship. But talking it out helps, and it shouldn't have to end in cheating. Whether or not you will "stray" is up to you. And you can be "true to yourself" without having sex with two genders all the time.

    That said, I find this interesting because it's something I don't quite understand the idea that bisexual people will stray. I have sexual desires when I'm single, but I don't hook up randomly because the drive isn't that intense. When in a relationship, I'm attracted to other people but I don't do anything.

    Anyway, I'm not gay, but I've met gay women who would date me, so that's something, at least. :slight_smile:
     
  17. indiqo

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    people of all sexual orientations can and will cheat. bisexual people aren't necessarily going to be attracted to MORE people and thus aren't more likely to cheat. they just have a wider preference but that doesn't mean a thing. to me cheating depends on a person's ability to be attracted to more than one person and inability to control their desires when in a mutual monogamous relationship. those characteristics aren't restricted to any sexual orientation.

    aside from the obvious societal pressures, the notion that many bisexuals may appear to end up in long-term relationships with the opposite sex may be explained by the fact there are (apparently) more people who experience opposite-sex attractions than those who experience same-sex attractions. thus there may be a greater chance of finding someone from the opposite-sex who experiences opposite-sex attractions. it isn't because they were experimenting, not truly bisexual or picking a side.

    agree with this. also despise the elitist asshole "sexuality is fluid for everyone".

    and I do think that being left for a male may be worse because of some kind of subconscious reason as a result of societal pressure and conditioning. I'd be curious to know why this is, but like a lot of things, I don't think we will have any answers.
     
  18. Fallingdown7

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    Agree with everything you said.

    As for why lesbians find being left for a man worse, I think It's social conditioning; we live in a society where you need a man or a penis to have "real sex/relationships" and lesbian relationships are invalidated as "not real/just gal pals". I feel that when I'm left for a woman, it hurts, but I understand it and I still feel like I can compare to the woman I'm left for.
    With a cis man there's many questions like "What if she considers him her real/first sexual partner", "He has a penis and can impregnate her, I can't give her real penetrative sex that society values", "She won't have to hide with him, she can talk about him, she can marry him", "Straight relationships are more serious, with women they just consider it casual fooling around" and just general insecurities that eat at me. I'm not saying I'm blaming bi women (as lesbians can leave you for a man too), but those kind of things destroy me and make me feel worthless in a way that being left for another woman can never compare to.
     
  19. gravechild

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    I think it's something women in general suffer from. Even among straight women, there's an idea that they might not be able to give a bisexual male partner everything he "needs", ie lack of penis. There are gay men who feel the same way, except regarding women, but most seem to think bi = halfway out the gay closet, anyway, and that if they leave, it's to pursue an easier life.
     
  20. Jakob

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    Nawh, bi and pan people are untrustworthy cheaters, that will jump at the prospect of sleeping around. They are actually just fucking with you, at the end of the day they're truly straight.

    Oh, and all black people are criminals, all Americans are racist, and all gays are pedophiles.