What are you thinking?

I was asked what my (only) self harm scar was from, I said it was from when I got my hand shut in my locker (that is true, that scarred it, and I only self harm on scars).

 

Boyfriend's mom is all paranoid because she thinks the Mark guy who keeps trying to hang around is going to rip off her pot plants. Yeah, lady, I think you need to stop smoking it. Too paranoid. Talks about getting baby monitors and barbed wire. Granted, she's legally growing it (medical) but it's like if you're gonna be that paranoid then you have no business growing marijuana.

How do I know just how paranoid she is? She comes into the room while I'm playing a video game and proceeds to monologue about it. Just monologues. No prompting. Without knocking. Ugh.

On brighter side it is boyfriend's birthday tomorrow and I've got him something he's had his eye on for about ten years.

 

why is there nothing to do right now

 

Why do I have to be always this hungry?

 

Transitioning is damn expensive.

 

^ oh no I didn't even have that thought and now it's a thought that I have D:

 

I'm having a crisis about my preferred name XD.

 

So bored. Wish chatroom was up.

 

Tried to surprise my boyfriend with Resident Evil 2 on N64. The cartridge doesn't even work and cleaning it doesn't help (tried rubbing alcohol and everything).

Feels like a total bust.

 

Highlight of my day life was watching my grandma beat the glitter out of a piñata with a baseball bat. Omg. :roflmao:

 

Found my Bi pride heart pin I got at AX.

 

heh, it'll be interesting. When I get home from Kyoto, I have a week with my extended family and immediate family. I love them but I see $### hitting the fan really quick. I managed to avoid getting thrown out of the house before I left (my father is super bipolar on everything right now and tends to blow up) which I kinda expected. However... I have a very Catholic right wing uncle coming down who is definitely gonna bring up something about the SCOTUS decision in June. It's really a bitch that I can go to school and help there and be out and take a stand but I can't come HOME and do the same. I'm very fortunate in my position though because I know several members of my family that would help me.

Its truly awful to think about it though. I work hard at my jobs and I hope I'm a nice person. I led as a patrol leader/troop guide in the scouts. It was just frightening to see how fast my father turned around just because I fancy guys.

I know others have it worse off, but this has been bothering me lately.

 

*sigh* Yet another person I find myself very attracted to simply due to their kindness toward me.

 

I wonder why he pats me on the head sometimes. I'd like to believe it's his way of showing affection and not a way of saying "you're so short and harmless and innocent".

Woah, I thought I was the only one who had to deal with this.

 

Who says that? I tell you I miss you and you say "poor little you"?? Who on earth is rude enough to say that?? Excuse me, if I tell you I miss you, I don't want your pity! I want to hear you miss me too! Or if you don't, at least tell me you'll be back soon. Don't, I repeat, do NOT start pitying me because THAT makes me feel it's wrong to miss you! It's wrong and pathetic and I'm such a little fool for missing you! Maybe I am, right? Maybe I am, if you treat me like that!!

 

Looking back on the journal I kept when I was younger, I realise what a crazy freak I was/am and begin to wonder why I even documented most of it.

 

Just spent the last two days making 200 tobacco ties*sighs*... Went to the states yesterday and went to Costco. There was this really cute guy there, of which I'm grateful to, since he made my day a little better. I should have said something to him though, I feel bad for not saying anything.:bang:

 

Me:*starts to feel slightly happy*
Brain:WTF ARE THOOOOOSE. QUICK, DESTROY IT BEFORE IT DOES ANY HARM.
Me: oh.

 

I do this all the time. Happy emotion is coming through. Kill it!

 

Today I got the results of my course. After all the struggle, tears, lack of self-esteem and almost giving up...I passed. I'm now officially a qualified teacher!