What are you thinking?

I'm waiting to get called back to see my mom before she has surgery for her kidney stones. I've already blown through a crossword puzzle my grandma brought with her. I'm in for a long day it seems and it doesn't help that I don't even feel 100%. :l

 

3 days without milk.... Parents must by some.... I'm dying....

 

Big hug (*hug*)



As for me.... feelings? Huh? What are these phenomena? Why did Linkin Park wrote a song about me and call it "Numb"? Hmm? Wuut?

 

Fell asleep at 6am, woke up at 9am. :/

 

It seems like destiny made fun of me.
Again.

 

She's so lucky,
she's a star,
but she cry, cry, cries
with her lonely heart, baby

yup - this is what I listen to.

 

I love that song!!! :love:

 

Listening to A Tribe Called Red, been considering watching Redline again. I don't know what to do today...

 

omg lets dance to it girl ;D

 

Calling people on the phone and keeping them there against their will for fifty minutes should be illegal. I have better things to do!! Now if you excuse me, I'll go back to my cross-stitching.

 

I went to the psychologist today.
She said that if I feel transgender, it's because of hormones and because internet manipulated me.
She said that I should go out, like that I will forget it. But how can I forget it, when everyone sees me as a female and uses female pronouns? And even if I managed to forget it when I'm outside, when I will go home how will I feel?
She also said that I should socialize . Fine. But how can I socialize properly when all I will do is lying to myself and to other people?
I said to my mom that I wanna go to an lgbt association ( because I will be able to be myself there and not lie , and I wil see other people like me, and see if that's really who I am. But I didn't tell her that) , and she answered that I must not get stuck into the idea that I'm " different" (--> her words. I personally don't really wanna be different.) and that I have to see other people ( and "normal" people please.)
So, I guess that someday I will go there in secret. But right now I'm too shy.
It goes without saying that my mother is pleased by that psychologist, and that I will see her again next Thursday.
I'm so happy.

 

(*hug*)

 

I am sorry but debates and stating beliefs on this forum is pointless. There is always someone that puts words out of your mouth and twists everything you say around and make it into something it is not. So I pray i get the strength to not participate in deep discussions on this forum anymore because it is pointless and dumb.

 

Having had some time to reflect on my appointment yesterday, I can say it went well. Two of the three I was able to talk to, alone, which really helped me get a feel for them.

They asked several questions, allowing me to explain or elaborate however I wanted. I had them laughing and surprised, so, that's good. It always pays to break through that formality ice, and edge away from the stiff routine of any kind of therapy.

All of them laughed when I said:

"I am a woman, and I want my curves."

It doesn't irritate as much, using humor. Otherwise, I'd be left humbled by the amount of time it is going to take, to do all of this.

It comes down to whether or not insurance will foot the bill. They may treat this as something else, like a cosmetic. But if they will at least cover the therapy sessions, that'd help.

On a lighter note, I have purple lipstick. Not sure when I'd wear this out, but I have it and, even if just for a moment, it makes me feel better. Maybe one day, I'll be able to wow somebody... but until then, the war goes on.

 

So, I was at an "fine menswear store" buying a tshirt for my sister. This is one of those places that's a mom and pop shop and is nice and quiet (think: mahogany paneling). Well, as my sister and I were browsing what shirt she wanted (she always hates that boys clothing gets the most variation in colors and patterns) we heard one of the owners go to the back to his office (left door open) and make a phone call and this is what I heard:

It was kind of surprising because I sort of expected the shop owners to have been Republican, but he was probably either a bundler or in the actual campaign. The shop was dead quiet so my sister and I clearly heard everything, haha. It was pretty funny LOL.

 

I could really do without my boyfriend's mom making stupid comments about the kinds of anatomy I lack and unfortunately don't.

 

I really want to tell my crush about my feelings for him. But I cant until September when school starts and I don't know how. *sigh*

 

I have now waited two hours for him to text me. I bet he fell asleep.

 

I was gonna create a thread, but then I thought fuck it, I'm tougher than that. For all I know, I could feel perfectly fine in 5 seconds. At least I'm calmer overall than when I was a teenager.

 

I'm feeling like sh*t tonight and all my friend could say to try to cheer me up was "think of all the hot guys we'll meet next year!". My life sucks.