Hey, now to start off I just want to say that I am perfectly fine being male most of the time and don't mind it at all, but then there are these times where I hate being masculine, hate how I smell and look, get jealous of how pretty girls clothes and bodies are, and even dream about being female. What's going on with me?
Well, wanting female clothes is about gender expression, not gender identity. You can be cis-male and wear a dress. However, hating masculinity is another thing. I don't really know what that means on its own. Do you ever consciously want to be female? Do you get dysphoria (not required, but a good sign)? Dreaming about being female can be significant, because it is unconscious thought. Then again, I am always genderless in my dreams, so it's not a perfect sign.
Just a reminder: there are feminine men and masculine women. Wearing female clothing is one thing. Dreaming about being a female is another. Think of living the rest of your life as a typical male. Now think of living the rest of your life as a typical female. Does one of these seem more appealing to you? Does both, or neither? How long have these thoughts been going on for?
I don't think dreams always mean something. I dreamt of being a little boy and I felt comfortable being a boy in that dream, doesn't mean I'm trans.
There have been times where I had some level of dysphoria - particularly when I am in a significantly bad mood and am feeling bad about myself and shit (but not always just in a bad mood, of course); but the majority of the time I find myself being fine with male; but then there are these other times.. yeah. Honestly, both appeal to me greatly, I think I would be fine being male the rest of my life to be honest; but the idea of living as a woman does appeal to me on a certain level too. Since I was about 11 or 12, but as I said they are fairly infrequent compared to the whole deal with my sexuality; they probably only occur every few months or at quickest 1-2 months and can change in nature each time I have time.
If you experience dysphoria and consistently consider yourself to be something other than your birth sex, then you are trans(*) in some way. That's literally the medical textbook definition of being transgender. (Not that the first one is actually necessary, it's just that if you have both, you're probably trans(*).) It sounds like you are probably not 100% transgender, because you like being male. What about androgynous, as a gender identity? Does that strike a chord?
Perhaps, I would say that "Androgynous" may kind of accurately describe me to an extent, but it sounds too medical for my taste really; doesn't strike much of a chord honestly. This is just really confusing honestly........ just when I thought I had everyone figured out a few months ago, now this.... It's even more confusing since I don't even mind being male most of the time, but then all of these thoughts and other times and... ugh.. My mind hurts.
The more I have researched and thought about it, it seems that may bigender seems to best fit exactly what I am feeling... But.. ugh.. I still don't know... it's still so confusing; all these thoughts and feelings and I feel like I have no clue what they mean.
Umm have you tried the term Bigender yet? Ive recently been feeling the same way, so Ive just tried binding my chest when I feel like it and wearing male clothing when it suits me just to see if it feels comfortable, and wearing female clothes (Im biologically female) other times... You coukd try male/female pronouns and see how that feels for you too... Bigender is bing able to change genders at different times, for example you could want to be/be female today and male in a few days if you get what I mean... Some bigender people have one predominant gender that they hold most of the time... Im still working it out myself, but I hope this helps...
Yeah, I mentioned the term in the post above :lol:. But thanks either way, It's something to think about.
After a lot of thinking and soul-searching, I have come to the conclusion that I am at least somewhat bigender. That however, just means even more questions