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First attempt at a letter - trans [TW]

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Eveline, May 7, 2015.

  1. Eveline

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    I've been trying to write a letter but it just doesn't feel right. I thought it might help to post it and hopefully receive some useful feedback. This is a template for a more personal coming out letter.
    -------------------------------

    Over the last week, something happened that has changed everything. The first day, brought with it fears unlike anything I have ever experienced. I lay in bed shaking, glazed eyes and unable to come to terms with my reality. As the week went by I went through a gradual process of acceptance and an understanding that I am standing at the edge of a pit and that if I don't act now, I will eventually fall.

    That's what it comes to in most cases, the choice between facing up to your fears, facing up to prejudice, hatred and a lack of understanding from the world around you. With the sad alternative being to give up and live an empty life disconnected from the world around you and slowly wasting away under the weights of the mask you have to wear.

    Now, bear with me and hear the story of what it means to be female and trapped in a body that doesn't match your innate gender. When I was a child, I used to pray every night to wake up as female. This was the first sign that something is awfully wrong. I grew up among brothers and had little contact with other girls. However, somehow I knew that I want to be female. It wasn't that I was depressed or treated badly, it was more that something just felt wrong deep inside. Gender has different modes of expression, most of us perceive gender as the male or female identities that society places us in. We learn social schemata that teach us that we should act in certain ways under certain circumstances, that we should prefer one color over another and that she would behave stereotypically to match our gender.

    However, there is another side to gender that seems to be often ignored. There are innate differences between the genders that influence a large amount of areas in our lives. It's the way we see the world, experience it, and connect to each other as human beings. An affinity between people of the same gender that transcends social conventions. The way you feel when you hold a baby for the first time and connect to it differently depending on your gender; various sides of yourself that you can't just learn; that are apart of who you are and that guide your actions, emotions and sensibilities.

    Now imagine how it would feel to see and experience the world as someone female but have a body that makes others treat you as someone that you are not. To have a feeling that you do not belong inside this body and to see it as something disconnected from yourself. That's the life we live until we figure out that we have been wearing a mask all this time and that we have the choice to remove the mask at great personal cost and become who we have always meant to be.

    What makes this so horrifying is that to make such a change means changing not only yourself from the inside and outside but also changing the way the world view you. People hate change and the lack of stability it brings so they lash out at you. Shame you, attack you, try to teach you that it is unacceptable to defy the expectations of society. They see you and see an abomination, someone who does not belong in the strict boundaries of what is considered normal. You are ridiculed and classified as insane. Furthermore, the transition that you need to go through is also traumatic physically and emotionally. To go through this process you need to be in a constant state of instability; stability defies change and this whole process is about changing your body and identity to match your inherent gender. When you view the statistics you truly understand how devastating this situation really is, the suicide rate among those who are transgender is staggeringly high, close to 50% have attempted suicide at least once in their life and every day you see another article of a trans-woman or man that was murdered or that committed suicide after experiencing severe prejudice, bullying and sexual assault.

    If you want to understand the sheer horror of the situation read this document:

    http://endtransdiscrimination.org/PDFs/NTDS_Report.pdf

    However, despite everything, somehow we move forward, take hormones that completely and permanently alter our appearances. We go through a few operations, at least one life threatening and at the end of the process of transition we look in the mirror and for the first time in our lives we see a projection of ourselves and feel whole.

    So there it is, my story and the long journey that lies ahead for me.

    Much love,

    Yael
     
  2. jay777

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    #2 jay777, May 7, 2015
    Last edited: May 7, 2015
  3. Eveline

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    Thank you.

    The letter was otlriginally written for the people of another forum which is why there is a heavy emphasis on education so they will be supportive of others that come out in the future. But reading it again the part close to the end is probably much too dark. :frowning2:
     
  4. jay777

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    You got carried away by your emotions.
    Its ok to voice them once, but I wouldn't dwell on them.

    Try to look forwards and make the best of it.

    Sentiment has changed a lot imo the last years, and there are much more resources, and much more information.

    You might think about counseling, preferably with a good gender therapist...
    and for a few more thoughts maybe have a look at the first link above.

    It can also be a joyful experience. Only few people give thought to who they really are.

    hugs
     
  5. Eveline

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    Thank you Jay for your supportive and caring words, I really appreciate it. (*hug*)
     
  6. jay777

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    (*hug*)

    Remember its a step by step process. Just do the next steps and keep at it.

    hugs
     
  7. Invidia

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    The letter was well-written, as expected from you of course, Yael. But I agree with you, yes, a little too dark at the end :slight_smile:

    hugs (*hug*)
     
  8. Eveline

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    Thank you, I'm starting to think that the writing should be more focused around the positive aspect of transition. After writing a children's story that really expressed perfectly how unbelievable this whole journey really is. A fantasy story about a magical curse somehow felt more genuine to me than a simple explanation like I wrote in the letter above. In the end, above everything, we go on this journey to connect to the child in us. To remember how it feels to be free and true to ourselves, before social pressures skewed our vision of ourself and made us someone we are not. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:ride: