In January I came out to my father, but it seemed like he doesn't believe me, but I just thought he needed time to deal with it. Yesterday I was walking with him and this topic came up and he told me I'm following trends, watching too much MTV or something, because I was dating guys, so it's impossible. He totally denies it. I kept saying 'time will show', but it looks like he is sure that he's right. He is homophobic and he is not careful with his words, almost everytime I see him I leave crying. It sucks. My mom keeps asking me about 'boys' and all that, I said 'I'm not interested in boys' and she asked 'are you into girls then?' I said yes but then she looked confused and I made is as a joke. Everytime I am home alone and she calls she asks 'I hope you are not with some guy at home while we are out' and it annoys me. It drives me crazy that I keep it all inside, I need to come out. I'm afraid, but all these comments are killing me, their expectations kill me. How can I tell them? they just take it as a joke...
Likely, they're stuck in denial (remember the 5 stages of loss, in this case, loss of perception you're straight: denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance.) So it may take you having a relationship, and they seeing the person you're dating, to force them out of their denial. I know how hard that is for you, and unfortunately, there isn't a whole lot you can do until they're ready to see it.
The 5 stages of grief were not actually meant to be for when someone you love dies, it's supposed to be the stages that a person with a terminal illness goes through when they find out they're going to die. But OP, my dad did the same thing. When I came out to him, the first thing he said was, "Well, lesbians mess with boys too so use protection." I guess he doesn't understand I'M NOT GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH A MAN. He still asks me about boys and stuff as well. He was born in and grew up in Ohio, and it was a different time so I don't blame him for how he reacts he is just old-fashioned. I am pretty certain he will accept me sooner or later, but if he doesn't, I'm at peace with that, because there's a million other people who will.
They are stuck in a place of denial and it's very difficult for you to put up with all of that, but try to understand that it can take time for parents to accept our sexuality (in just the same way as it takes us time to reach a point of self acceptance). Maybe you will need to date someone of the same sex before they are convinced, but don't give up on the idea of them coming round before that. I'm sure it's very frustrating to hear them make silly comments but please don't react to them or show any signs of anger. If you allow your frustration to boil over it may give your parents the impression that you are unhappy with your sexuality and that will only make matters worse for you. If they really believe you are unhappy about being gay they will dig in to their current position. Be consistent with your responses (firm, but not hostile) and if you feel irritated come here and vent about it.
For what it's worth, Elizabeth Kuber-Ross, who did the original research on the topic, made clear in her later work that the 5 stages of loss apply to pretty much any type of loss. This is extremely well documented in the case of coming to terms with being gay, whether it's an individual, or those around him or her. That's a really healthy way to look at it. What we know from what's been studied, as well as the anecdotal experience of many, many professionals is that most of even the die-hard and closed-minded parents will, eventually, come around. Sometimes it takes years or even decades, more often weeks or months. What's surprising is even the most hardcore hell-and-brimstone bible-thumpers can come around; there's evidence that Fred Phelps, head of the notoriously anti-gay Westboro Baptist, came to understand and appreciate and respect gay people soon before he died... which is believed to be why he was thrown out of his own church. So I think there's always hope.
It sounds like to me that they are in denial, but hopefully they will come around when they realize that you aren't confused and this is your life and what would make you happy. good luck .
