Internal Struggle

I'm providing my experiences and posting this question because I want to know if other people have experienced similar problems. I'd like to start out by saying that since I was young I've always had problems with accepting who I am, not in the sense that I know who I am but cannot come to terms with it, but in the sense that I second guess myself, try to prove who I am to myself. It's as if I can't come to terms with who I actually am, and I get stuck in these patterns of self-reconfirmation.

Ever since I realized that I was attracted to both men and women, I've felt like I needed to demonstrate to myself that my sexuality was valid. During the times when I feel intense attraction to a man, or became aroused at the sight of a man, I feel relieved like I've gotten proof and a means to justify calling myself bisexual. But sometimes afterward I question that experience, and I feel like I'm not being gay enough. When I think about it rationally it really makes no sense to me because I know what my feelings are and what they have been since my youth, why should I be attempting to falsify my attractions and feelings?

It's not even just my sexuality, it's almost every aspect of my personality and background. I've been doing this since I was young about many things. I really can't understand it, and it's frustrating. I've even gone as far as to watch gay porn and straight porn to compare how aroused I get at the sight of each. The end result is almost always the same, they both arouse me just as much as the other; at times though seeing gay porn will attract me more, and at other times I'll feel more in the mood to watch straight porn. Paradoxically though, I do feel comfortable calling myself bisexual and I do feel like my sexuality rests in the middle of the spectrum, romantically as well. It's just that I'm fed up with this little voice in my head that tells me my feelings are invalid.

Is this a common thing, or am I just weird? :goodevil: