I can't do this anymore.

There's nothing wrong with you. Your parents could do with some education, though.

Parent put a whole lot of expectations on their children. They want them to be successful, to get a good job, to get on in the world. To some parents, that means conforming to their ideas of what getting on means. Your ideas don't have to be the same as theirs.

Being 15 makes it very hard. You are dependent on your parents. I know it seems like an eternity, but the time will come when that is not the case any more.

Changing yourself (even if it were possible) to make your parents happy is never going to be the road to a happy life yourself. If you just think about that, you will see it is true. You cannot be happy by denying yourself, your own identity.

 

^What they said. But by what you have said, they don't seem like they would throw you out if you told them. I mean, I would not recommend telling them, but they seem like they would tolerate you, just be disappointed.

 

You can't change your natural feelings, I'm sorry, but that's how it is.
*hugs* I'm really sorry to hear you have very homophobic parents, but you must accept you are gay, lying to yourself or trying to force yourself to be something you aren't (straight) is only going to cause more problems.
Just try and keep your homosexuality away from your parents for now, and I'm feel very bad for you. Just be glad you have a better view on homosexuality than them!

 

Your parents sound incredibly bigoted, almost like Americans... (I'm allowed to say that since I am one).

I don't usually reply to coming out threads much anymore, but yours resonated with me because you are at the same age, and have the same kind of self-loathing, that I did when I tried coming out the first time. I got forced back into the closet, and I tried to "change myself straight" for 10 years. It didn't work, because it can't work, and anyone who says otherwise is a complete moron. Being gay is not a choice, phase, or result of upbringing. You're just... gay.

This is not a bad thing, not at all. Culture just feeds us these lies about what it means to be gay and we have to realize that these feelings of shame are a result of being lied to. My ex-boyfriend was (and still is) an awesome guy. He was my first love and do you know how it felt to be with him, rather than with a girl? Normal. It felt NORMAL. Which is exactly what you are.

It's really your parents who are not normal. Tide is shifting in our favor my friend, and those who voice such archaic and toxic things (as your parents have) are now an unpopular minority, especially in the UK.

If you feel you can't come out to your parents, or that they would react violently to the news, then just rest assured that you can move out in a few short years. This situation is temporary, but you being gay is not. And I know it feels terrible now, I remember well. But it really does get better, it gets AMAZING!

What you have to do is come to terms with who YOU are as defined by you, NOT as defined by your parents. This is YOUR life, not theirs, and it is your RIGHT to live, laugh, and love just as they have in their lives.

Besides, you can still totally have grandchildren for them, but you also get to decide whether or not you even let them see them. Post on my wall if you want to talk, and please don't give up. We're here for you.

-The Seeker

How are your schoolmates in regards to their reactions to your sexuality?

 

This sounds horrible, but I'm afraid I have to disappoint you: You can't change your sexuality, that just doesn't work. From what you write, it sounds like your parents already know (or guess) that you are gay and try to change you.

I can only agree with everybody around here It's not your fault and try to be safe

 

Good for you. Just hold on in there. Things really do get better. And there will always be people here for you.

 

My parents are homophobic too so i get that feeling :c
Maybe ill come out to them some day....

 

I'm really sorry to hear what you're going through. It nearly mirrors my own situation, so I know how you feel.

The important thing to remember is that you are who you are, and you can't change that. Trying to change the fact that you're gay is like me trying to change the fact that I'm really short. (4'9"... sigh) It just... doesn't work. (That analogy was probably terrible, but you get the idea hopefully)

I'm always here to lend an ear if you want to talk, though! Stay strong, and believe in your strengths.

 

I empathize with you on this one. But really, there is nothing wrong with you. You shouldn't be ashamed of yourself, or feel like you need to change yourself because there is nothing to change.


I've the same idea. Only come out when I'm ready to stand on my own to feet, this way, no matter what they do or say to me no longer matters.


Hold on a little bit more, my friend. We'll get through this.

 

I was in the same situation as you at your age, but on top of my over homophobic parents I was bullied really badly at school for been "allegedly" gay. I managed to persuade myself that I was straight in the end and went through a series of disastrous relationships with girls that ended up with me married and in the most ridiculous situation I find myself now after over 30 years. I now feel so bitter towards my parents because they effectively forced me into the life I have led that I didn't want. It only leaves you annoyed, disappointed and very bitter about how you have been forced to lead a fake life. Now I find that I have missed out on everything I should have enjoyed.
Its important that pursue the career that you want to because doing what somebody else wants you to do is almost as bad.
I know its so hard when your parents are like yours are but just remember you are what you are. You don't get to choose your sexuality.

 

I know what you mean. My mum said I can not be gay because she wants grand children, and I am a single child and my mum is single, so there is no one else to have grandchildren for her. I did want to say about adoption, but I didn't want her to think I know about this stuff. Then she would definitely know. But it is your life so if you want to be happy, then your parents will have to deal with no grandkids. Also my grandad and uncle are homophobic so...

 

This.

You probably have no idea how sad it makes me feel, knowing someone as young as you feels that way about himself because of his parents' prejudice against a sexual preference. I'd suggest you lay low, for now, and kind of ease the idea that homosexuals are people, too, into your parents' minds (try not to make yourself obvious).

When you do come out, here's my advice (for any bad scenarios):
1. You're already receiving a lot of support from your friends, so you have to build up from there. Your parents *MIGHT* throw you out if you come out to them (but I like to believe it's highly unlikely) so you need a friend to fall back to, so you can let your parents think on it, then you can try coming back.

2. There's a possibility that they won't throw you out, but instead, they *MIGHT* try to "change" you. Like sending you to some biased therapists, or some other homophobic program. DO NOT tolerate that. It'll only make you hate yourself.

3. Keep in touch here at EC, where we'll tell you, over and over again if we have to, that there is NOTHING wrong with you, and you should never feel like changing any part of yourself just so someone will accept you. We accept you for what you are, and we've never even met you. There's no reason your parents shouldn't.

 

Ok dude, I had the same problem. What I did is I took my closest friends and talked to my parents. They told me I need to change I said that if you can't accept me for who I am they need to just leave me alone.