Age gap!?

Personally I'm a Teleiophile, I'm 15 and only like adults. The youngest person I've liked is 22 and the oldest 40. That said I have been obsessed with famous people who are in their 50s or 60s. I've never been in a relationship so I can't really comment on how age differences would affect it but I have a friend who is 19 and had a fling with a 50 year old (He does look younger though) and now is in a very happy relationship with a 40 odd year old guy.

 

Gaps tend to get smaller with age because of how humans develop -- that is the same for about every human being. Take a 7 year old and a 27 year old or a 60 and an 80 year old. The difference in years is the same, but not the development of their bodies and brain for example, regardless of person specific traits like being mature or immature. As you say, what works for two might not work for others, but when the age gap gets so big these personal traits are no where near able to cross this bridge.

But, you are right. Some relationships might work out perfectly, and I know couples with a 10 year age difference that are still together, and happy. But often these couples don't actually fall in love until they're above about 27, as Chip said, where a difference of more than 5 years is likely to break the relationship.
A difference in power and way of looking at life can be caused by many reasons other than age. It depends on the person and the relationship, but I wouldn't advise any teenager to start a relationship with anyone significantly older than them, even though I am one myself. Speaking from experience, I'm often able to relate to people older than me better than I am to people my age, but for some or other reason -- not
because of the difference in maturity for that matter -- it just doesn't work well. But there are more people whose relationship with me didn't work, regardless of age.

Though, I second your questions whether or not this is universally applicable. It can be true that liking someone older is a sign of a bad youth -- but it doesn't have to. I wouldn't personally assume that anyone who likes their partners to be significantly older had a bad youth.

 

To each their own. My rule is no one who is the same age or older than my parents (20 year age gap) because then it just gets weird. At 24 years old the youngest I would date is 21 years old. That is just me. I say if the other person makes you happy regardless of the age gap go for it. The oldest I have ever personally dated was only 3 years older than me and he was more immature than I was so age doesn't necessarily mean maturity. My advice find someone who shares in the same interests and makes you laugh and smile those are the key to a solid relationship.

 

one of my ex's was 11 years older than me I learnt allot from him .

 

Depends on if it's casual or serious.. I'd feel weird dating a 30 year old - and I'd feel even weirder bringing him home to meet my family. I would usually say that I would probably date a 16 year old but I turn 20 this year and that's going to get weirder and weirder.

But as things currently stand, I'd say a good range for me is 16-24. Any younger and I would probably end up on a sex offender's register, and any older and the differences would be too significant to overlook.

 

I'm 10 years older than my girlfriend and have noticed some differences that I normally wouldn't run into dating in my age group. Even though she's mature for her age she's still naive in a lot of areas that I've been through. Things like plans after college, her first job, relationship expectations, little things like that. Then there's the history gap we both have, such has her childhood memories are my High School ones. That stuff's not major to me, but it can kinda sting when I mention something from my childhood and get a blank stare out of her. Still, I think that true love can overcome that stuff. It just takes more patience from the older person at times.

 

I hope you assume this is just generalisation you are making Chip, as an admin of an lgbt forum where you encourage diversity... maybe your posts are evidence-based but they also are pretty rude and impartial. Based on my love life so far, reading your posts made me questioning about what you really know about this. If you are a psychologist or a couple therapist I can give you some credits tho.

I'm in that type of relation since I'm 16 and I never got tired of the differences we share one to the other. I've been 8 years, 5 years and now 2 years with men around 60. I left the first two men because of life incompatibilities, not because they were tired that I get older. Even more, we are still seeing each other in different activities or at our local gay club. They have always encouraged me to stay independant and to do the best I can in all my life projects. I even earn more than my actual partner if you still think I'm a money sucker. We never quarrel, we do many activities together, we think about buying a house together. All my familly knows him and appreciate him, same for his familly.

My preference for older men is maybe considered a paraphilia (named alphamegamia I think) and I assume it but at least, try to say something positive about intergenerational relationships if you are about to try to help people getting out of the closet. my two cents

To end, on tumblr, there is a lot of "daddy" porn blogs probably often made by young guys who just wish to meet older men for encounters or for long terme relationship. I own a safe-for-work blog about intergenerational relationship, have 1000 followers and a lot of positive comments and questions. I'm not alone anymore in that type of relation and I know it.

Have a nice day

 

In general I don't usually think about age in being attracted to someone, and I don't think it would prevent me if I really liked someone. But if we're creating an ideal age range then I think it would be 19-32ish.

My largest gap was five years; I was the younger and yet the massively more mature one (19 & 24). Although I have been on dates which much older people (40s when I was 19/20), they are never something I would have considered continuing, partly due to age, and also I just wasn't into them like that.

 

I think it depends on each situation and on the individual on what makes a healthy relationship. I don't hold barriers when it comes to age but I still have my limits and am smart about being in a healthy relationship. I make sure a relationship that I would pursue age gap or not is not based on money or power and it is a healthy as any relationship. i been in great relationships with those who are older and maintained a healthy understanding of how to make it work. I don't intend to argue this subject with anyone because I been there before on this very forum and it goes in circles. But with that said I do understand and agree with what Chip is saying on these kind of relationships and he is right there is unhealthy aspect of many of these relationships and that is while being open I am a cautious person on pursuing any kind of relationship that may seem unhealthy age gap or not.

 

Oh god, things suddenly got factual in this thread.

Anyway I don't mind dating someone older than me, as long as it's by less than 7 years or so. Of course I wouldn't dream of doing it now as I'm underaged, but when I'm an adult I won't mind.

 

I wouldn't mind dating anyone 20 years older than me, but that's my limit.

 

I'm coming at this from another angle being late middle aged. Personally, I'd have no problem dating someone in their mid-30's let's say. There is still much we have in common and one would hope a certain level of maturity and responsibility. Anyone younger be almost unthinkable.

I'm still raising an 11 year old daughter, and have raised two others. I don't want to have to raise anyone else. I am not, I repeat not your "Daddy." Please do not call me that. It's weird. My father was Daddy. My children call me Daddy. The last thing I want to hear in bed is the word daddy coming out of the mouth I'm kissing. If you've daddy issues see a therapist. It reeks of incest and abuse.

Young firm flesh is pretty to look at, however, there is usually little to talk about of any depth. Also physical perfection is illusive. I'd prefer a few wrinkles and pounds. It adds character, and, as an extra measure of honesty I don't have to make comparisons which would leave less content with who I am and no way to correct the situation.

Age is a knife that cuts in two directions. But rarely have I seen big age gapes where one or both other parties involved aren't using the other.

 

I'm gonna go right ahead and admit I'm peculiarly interested in the idea of seeing older women myself. I don't know... I guess it's because of the experience factor. There's much they can teach me (my last girlfriend was only 2 years older than me but that small gap proved to be a wealth of knowledge) and there's a good chance they'll be around the same maturity level; it's very hard for me to find someone my age like that.

Though if we put it to numbers strictly... Who cares, really? People love who they love. Who cares if it's 2 years apart or 40. Sure, it looks 'weird' I suppose because we're not used to seeing it; but it's really none of our business. If they love each other and their relationship is healthy, that's all I need to know to back them 100%.

My personal max has been a 4 years difference I think. My parents are 9 years apart, I think...

 

I beg to differ. The healthiest thing that's ever happened to me in a relationship was growing up. Broadening my horizons. Being able to step in someone else's shoes and see things as they do. Teach and be taught so to improve together. So let's agree to disagree on this one.

 

I'm totally cool with age gaps, as my husband is 7 years my senior and my parents also have a similar age gap~ but I think that it's important to stay around the 10 year mark, personally... I think that if two people are separated too much in time, it will be hard to have shared nostalgia and an understanding built in...

On The Millionaire Matchmaker (guilty pleasure ♡) an older man in his 60s wanted to date a 20 year old... so she set him up to learn the error of his ways... and he did...

Man: Yeah... I really like the Rolling Stones~
Girl: Like... the magazine?

XD;;;;;

 

I've been on a few dates with a guy 10 years older than me (I'm early 40s). It's enough to cause me some concern, to be honest, and if we do start taking it in a direction that's becoming serious, we will definitely have to talk about it. I'd definitely want to talk to a therapist about it as well, although I don't think I'd get into any LTR at this point without doing so. I'm not even neccisarily looking for a LTR right now, but there are things about where we both want to go the rest of our lives that align. And it's only really been a few dates, but I think we each eventually want to be in an LTR. We've both been in them before.

I suppose I should schedule a few more frequent therapist appointments for the time being. Funny that we'd kinda run the course of things to talk about for a bit, but these are some new things anyway and one more unaddressed issue would not help either of us.

 

Yet you're coming from the statement 'being mentored is unhealthy in a relationship'. To put it in other words, you're stating that learning is bad in a relationship. What is a relationship if not learning? From your successes, from your mistakes, learning about the other person, how to be with them, how to be and make them happy. The entire thing is a learning process, to say one shouldn't learn from the other is quite paradoxical.

I'm not generalizing anything. I'm stating for me, in my experience, so on... It may differ for others, I'm not arrogant enough to state my case is the same for all others. If you find it that it's detrimental for you, that's fine, just keep in mind that not all people see things in your perspective.

I'm someone who strives to be the best person I can be, it's what drives me. Any moment when I'm not learning something, whether it be a skill or personal development, is a waste of my time. Therefore, for me, a relationship is actually unhealthy if I'm not learning anything.

I'd also appreciate if you didn't make assumptions about my life so lightly.