How can I be 100% sure I'm lesbian? What if I'm wrong?

Why does it matter if you're 100% lesbian. What's wrong with being 95% lesbian.

 

She just wants to know what her orientation is, that's all.

Similarly, I didn't really know if I was into guys or not until I met up with one. Then again even before meeting up with him I knew I would like it.

There may be some opposite sex attraction which is why she can't exactly identify as 100% lesbian.

 

There's always the option of simply saying you're interested in girls. You don't have to be specific about your attraction to guys, just let friends/family know that you like the idea of having a girlfriend.

 

Isn't that a bisexual woman with a preference for women

 

Sexuality is something internal. Experimenting doesn't always help since physical sensation can cause anyone pleasure, OR you can kiss girls and be turned off if they're not your 'type'.

I suggest just thinking about it a bit more. Even if you're wrong, there's no shame in changing labels later.

 

No, not always- sometimes.
A bisexual person feels some kind of attraction to both & can imagine acting on it. Does not matter if it is one person in a 100, or less.

But somebody who is '95% gay' could feel some kind of attraction to an opposite-sex person, *but would not be comfortable acting on it*- or even if they acted on it, it would not feel "right" to them- they are still 'wired' to be internally sexually compatible with the same sex only.

Its like straight girls occasionally becoming romantically attached to their friends- they want to be physically close to them, but sexually they are not wired to enjoy & want sex with a girl, because women do not turn them on as such. Simple.


I really, really wish you learned to see that people don't have to be 100% gay in *all* levels of attraction- to 'deserve' the label- its for each person to determine themselves, whether their 5% makes them bisexual- the would be comfortable acting on it & be happy with it- or if indeed they still only want to be with the same sex= they are gay as hell.

A Kinsey 5 person can be gay OR bisexual- it totally depends on the particular way their sexuality works, and it is for them to determine. You keep asking and asking and being 'puzzled' why somebody who is 99% gay does not choose to label themselves 'bisexual'.


I simply don't understand your motive, why would you want to deny somebody an identity they feel is most accurate and true for them? Why would you want to label somebody with a different word? Its like me insisting on calling a Black person *white* because their great, great, great, great, great grandfather was white- it does not make because they have none of the privileges, experiences and features a white person has & it s a blatant denial of their identity.

As a person who still suffers from depression related to denial and bargaining I personally find your posts and questions triggering to a very high degree.

I kindly request you to be considerate.

 

The op asked if she's lesbian or not I'm answering the question.
I agree with some of what you said but I don't believe a 95% bisexual is a lesbian they can identify as one but it doesn't make them one. I don't think kinsey 5 are lesbians either but there free to call themselves lesbians.
I don't identify as a lesbian , I am one. A woman who is exclusively attracted to women and not men.
And I'm not talking about identifying I'm talking about sexuality orientation. I myself can identify as straight or bi to avoid homophobia but it doesn't make me straight or bisexual. Just because I decided to call myself one.
Women who are exclusively attracted to women and not men exist we aren't some mythical creatures people made up

 

In fact many, many people who are gay, are also Kinsey 5s to some degree.
You are invalidating right here those peoples sexual orientation. Big time.

Can a moderator please look at this?
This is a safe space and I have been made to feel unsafe by this user's views over and over again.

 

And your a huge lesbophobe that want to lump bisexual women and lesbians . Trying to push out of existence you women who are exclusively attracted to women and not men.
Instead of tone policing others why don't you work on self acceptance instead of trying to pushing your agenda on others , and trying to look for validation in other people because you hate the fact that you're attracted to men.
Learn some self acceptance and stop looking for validation in others , because you hate your own sexuality and who you really are.
There's nothing wrong with liking both sexes, you don't need to hide behind a label because you hate who you really are and jealous of women who are confident in their sexuality

 

The truth is I simply don't know- I find clothed people of both genders emotionally/aesthetically attractive in similar ways, but I don't get turned on by male bodies- only exclusively women.

I also feel unhappy & uncomfortable about sex with men & I don't feel like it is my kind of thing.
I simply don't know why it is such a big deal to you to keep rubbing it in and telling me that I am bisexual, when I have tried being straight for such a long time, tried to make straight relationships feel less 'wrong' and I have struggled and am still struggling with the fact that I am not capable of sexually connecting to men in any way-despite having feelings for a man as a person.
If you could make me happily bisexual, I would take it stocking, it would make me free from ever having to interact with such petty and mean little creatures like yourself.

I have been feeling particularly low today- I live with a man whom I love & yet I am not able to feel anything physically with him- if you could make me connect to him- I'd take it as well.
As it stands I do feel like *cutting* myself right now due to your unkind and triggering words- a thing which I have not done in years but currently you have triggered self-hate in me.

Why do you have to be such a massive douche Stocking? I wish you could feel half of the pain you have just caused right now. Get lost.

Are you getting of on some power trip?

 

LooseMoose can you please stop derailing threads because you have a personal vendetta against me. This thread is not about you and I don't care how you identify .I think lesbians are exclusively attracted to women, and that was me answering the ops question. If you don't like my opinion do me a favor and just put me on you're block list so you don't have to see anything I say. I don't care to hear about your personal story or about who you are and aren't attracted too.
Stop making very thread I pointed on about you just because you hate me.

 

I am not derailing anything its just that you are consistently being an inconsiderate, invalidating, mean little creature who consistently post triggering and hurtful BS here, which personally affects me and causes hurt & is completely and utterly unhelpful.
I will continue calling you out on it, because I will not let you spout offensive and invalidating views.

Saying that you don't believe a Kinsey 5 lesbian is lesbian, is invalidating and hurtful.

I kindly request again mods look into this.

 

I'm not the one attacking some one for having a different opinion than me hun

 

It;s not about 'opinion' its about invalidating peoples identity and being hurtful & offensive.

---------- Post added 26th Apr 2015 at 12:26 PM ----------

Btw- I spoke generally, I did not speak about myself in my first response- it was *you* who got personal towards me and said something completely and utterly out of place hence *forcing* me to respond in a personal manner.

It is not about a 'difference of opinion' it is about your personal attack on my sexuality in the post above, you invalidating it, you questioning it, and generally making me feel completely and utterly unsafe here.

If I am "bisexual" so are you, because you are not a gold star.

 

In fairness based on the current research it would seem most people aren't at either end of the spectrum but very strongly leaning towards one or the other. To the point where they can only really want to be with one or the other even if they very very rarely might see something that's attractive on a person of the same/opposite sex.

Anyway I dealt with the same problem, where I asked can you be 100% sure? I honestly have never answered that question. I just at some point decided that as far as I know I like guys, I want to be with them sexually and romantically. I've decided if there is a girl that so happens to catch my attention to the point where I would want to pursue her I would. To date that's never happened and hence I call myself gay.

Have I ever seen a girl and felt something, yes. But I've also felt that way towards all sorts of things. I've never found myself to think "I want to be with her." And that one or two times compared to the dozens of times everyday to guys? So go with what feels right. If you can't find a label that defines you don't use it. I you do, great.

 

LooseMoose, it certainly seems that there was something that triggered your response to Stocking. I am in no way attempting to take sides here, but stocking was only answering the OP's question, or in fact had a different view on what it mean to be a lesbian or bisexual.

In the end it's the individual's choice on how they wish to identify to others. For example, my sexual orientation is bisexual, but I choose to identity as gay because I'm technically seeing a guy right now (LDR). In the end, if a certain label feels right to you, then that's all that matters.

People may continue to doubt their orientation for many reasons, but it seems like the OP is trying to find out if she's interested in girls or not, the question is that simple (although the discovery process is much more than that). I kept doubting because I lacked experience and didn't know what to make of the information that I already had.

 

VTH, as Fallingdown said, I think sexuality is internal. It has nothing to do with experience, even though that may solidify your views. What matters is what you feel.

I haven't kissed a girl yet, but I know I'm a lesbian. Why? Because, when I look at my future, I see myself with a woman, and I can't see myself with a man. I look at a cute girl and I get this odd flutter inside my chest. Experience isn't everything. Plus drunkenly making out with a few guys was definitely not enjoyable...

I had a very similar experience to you. I had a few boyfriends, but only because everyone else was going into relationships, I didn't see the point because I had no real emotional connection to them.

But back to your doubts. Honestly, I don't think we can ever 100% know; sexuality is fluid, we change, we develop, because we're human. We can't say what we'll feel in the future. But if you believe you are a lesbian, you have every right to label yourself as one and come out as one.

Don't overly worry about change in the future. If you feel you are a lesbian, no-one can tell you otherwise, including your mum.

As for coming out to your mum, parents sometimes surprise you. I didn't think my mum would be overly accepting, and it took her a while to come round to the idea, but she's supportive now, even though she didn't have an overly positive response when I first came out. She still loved me through it all, but she had to adjust to it. Just make sure you're not putting yourself into any danger by coming out, that's whats most important.

Hopefully this shed some light on things. I'm sorry it was a bit rambling! Ultimately, try not to worry about a lack of experience, and don't let it make you doubt yourself.

 

Thanks Jax12-
My point is always very simple- not everybody is the same- somebody who says they are 95% gay could indeed be bisexual, and somebody else could just be gay- everybody's sexuality is different & I really think it is *wrong* to say that everybody who is not 100% gay must automatically be bisexual. It just does not work that way, and she consistently refuses to allow for people to determine for themselves who they are and what their orientation is. Her statements of "you can say whatever you want, I will not believe you" are completely out of place.

Somebody who is a self-identified Kinsey 5 can be bisexual, another person can be a Kinsey 5 and still be gay- because this is the way their attraction works.
Stocking is particularly hard-nosed in not allowing for personal self-determination and agency in they way people choose to identify- here she explicitly denied that a Kinsey 5 lesbian is a lesbian & she consistently refuses to see that there are different ways sexuality works- and certainly that there is no 'one size fits all' way of viewing it- individuals will have different ways of experiencing it, and their labels will have to be adjusted to that.

Imagine if she started saying this to a transgender person: "you can identify as a woman all that you want, but I see you have a penis- you cannot be a woman". Its offensive.

For all I know I am a Kinsey 6 currently- but I am not 100% sure. This does not make me bisexual- just a person whose attraction works in approximations, and not in absolutes.

She personally attacked my sexual orientation and made claims about my attraction which were also not true - this is not a done thing.