"Masculine gays are just closeted gays"

Well yay for Gen's posts, I have nothing more to add. This is one of those topics that will come around again and again. But that's okay.

 

I don't automatically think masculine gay men are closeted. The only time I'd ever think that is if the masculine man would take every opportunity he could to talk down or belittle a feminine gay man. "I'm gay but I'm not a faggot" and stuff like that. That is when I think the guy may be a little insecure if he has to stoop that low.

But I'm sorry, I can't totally sympathize with the lack of masculine men being represented. Mainly because it is getting better. I don't watch a lot of TV but I heard that True Blood has a few gay characters and one of them is seemingly masculine. And I'm sure there are other examples. Are they prevalent? No, not really but you can't deny it's getting a little better.

But I also can't symphathize too much because life really isn't that easy for feminine gay males like it is for masculine lesbians. From what I've seen, feminine gay men have just as hard a time in the straight world and in the gay world as of recent years with the demand for masculinity. I hear masculine men complain about not being able to meet "normal" gay men and I can't help but roll my eyes and go "Look around, there are plenty of guys like you!" Both offline and online, especially online. They have large support groups and in the dating world, lots of suitors. Oh man, the dating world is very good for masculine gay men. I can't understand the criticism in that department. You never see "NO MASCS". I only say this because one thing that always irked me is how some masculine men who are looking for masculine men say they can't meet or talk to any.

I know I'm coming off as kind of... Victimized and believe me, I'm not trying to but in my 7 years of diving into the LGBT lifestyle so far, seeing/hearing what I've seen, I find it hard to give 100% sympathy towards gender-conforming/masculine gay men when things have improved so much for them.

And lastly, if your friends/straight people think you have to conform to stereotypes just because you're gay, fudge'em. I mean seriously, that is a very narrow-minded way of thinking. Just be yourself.

 

I've been told I should be more clear about my disinterest in men when I meet new people , so that guys don't feel "led on". To be honest I may have 'gaydar' but maybe no "hetero-dar": I don't pick up on men's flirting. For me it's unnatural to mention my orientation when I say hello to someone. Genderrole-conforming invisibility also means people sometimes think I'm joking/flirting when I have explicitly made it known I'm not straight. Should masculine men and feminine women take responsibility for the assumptions acquaintances make? And how would you tell (naturally) an acquaintance that you're not straight as presumed?

 

What do you have to have to be considered masculine? I thought that for most of us you only need a penis and testicles.

 

Acquaintance is the key word. I am having this occur and, somewhere along the line, I was going to mention it, but maybe on another thread. I was in a public place I normally frequent and a lady started chatting me up, including pulling up a chair. She must have been somewhat interested, because she talked to me for about an hour and has done it after that, and she seems to get more hungry and fidgety. That's the part that bothers me. I don't know her from Adam. I wouldn't have minded having her as a friend, because we have some things in common, and, she's actually petite and somewhat attractive, so I could have even handled NSA sex. It's a dry spell right now. But as she went on talking about her life, and how messy it is, and how assertive and maybe desperate she is in general, I was getting more and more turned off. She's an acquaintance. She's not a friend. An acquaintance is not entitled to know. Neither is a friend, really. You share when and with whom you want. That's my opinion. If a guy likes you and you can't reciprocate, it's not your problem. You can just say, "I'm not interested" if they push, which IS the truth. You've led someone on when you've teased them or you've actually socialized with them one and one in a more provocative manner, and then pull the plug. If this lady keeps pushing and guilts me with "You haven't called," I'll just say "I'm not interested in being with anyone right now," which IS the truth. I think that warding off the opposite sex as you go through your everyday life and just run into people here and there is not a reason to come out. It might make things a little easier, but you're not deceiving anyone by not doing so.

 

ok here are some comments from this site about how they LOVE femme men and its an acceptance site i didnt mention the posters name cause i dont want to hurt them or make them feel bad they were just saying what is in their heart anyway i never really heard anyone in here or out there say that masculine guys are fake only a few femme guys and they are really few and people would call them out on it A LOT ! but when Masc guys say that fem guys are fake everywhere dating sites forums video game chat room EVERYWHERE no body tells them to shut up or that they are ignorant they agree with them

 

I'm pretty masculine myself, although I have a slight feminine undertone that sometimes shows.
Anyway I'm pretty open and comfortable with being gay!

 

We're two sides of the same coin if you will. Some may be more feminine or masculine by societal standards but at the end of the day all gays like guys in that way.

I myself don't like like that there is an over portrayal of fem gays though. Should they be represented? Absolutely! But at least occasionally show some masc guys. I remember when I was questioning I would look as this media and think... "I guess I can't be gay, I don't match that." Silly thinking yes, but I'm sure I'm not the only one. And I've also been questioned by other gays on my "gayness."

Like I said we should support one another and realize that we both like the same thing regardless of how we walk and talk or what we wear.

 

Leave masculine gay men alone, unless you want to date them:tantrum:

 

For your pleasure
Straight Gay - TV Tropes

 

That's like saying "All lesbians that don't fit the butch stereotype aren't lesbians"

 

Glee itself has people like dave or that jock from season 6 who are fully masc gays
Queer as folk gays were all masc and macho acting but justin and emmett
Will from will and grace is not femme at all hell his fashion ideas matches my dad ! He just loves his fag hag
There are more than those guys on Tv that i saw just watching randomly shows on tv
Hell all the movies i watched doesnt even have a queen in them
Queens only come to shows if they have a girl gang or a best hag
Like kurt in glee
That guy from ugly petty and so do on
They design these guys for comedy not the sake of gay people should be on tv as if you noticed there acts are mostly to gain a laugh or two

 

This sums me up to a T. It no doubt took me longer to figure out my sexuality because every portrayal of a gay person I saw had a lisp/accent, was into fashion... you know the stereotypes. It was (and perhaps still is) quite rare to see a gay person shown in media who acts more like your average straight guy.

In my post on page 1, I also talk about being questioned about my "gayness." Now that I know a lot more about my sexuality I would find the very idea absolutely ridiculous, but when I was still questioning, being called out on that really affected me.