A Few Questions For EC Members

When did you first experience attraction to the same sex/realise what "gay" was?

- When I was 5-7 years old (I cant remember). I was watching some Filipino movie and a hot dude took his shirt off, I felt something happening in my pants. But only after several years after I realized what that means.

Did it take you long to accept your sexuality? What were you taught about gay people?

- Yes, I knew I am gay but it took me sometime to accept it. The main factor why it took a while before I accepted it is because of the people around me. My family and relatives (whom I live with) are all homophobic and taught me that being gay is a mortal sin. I use to believe them. I would pray to God that if He doesnt want me to be gay then He should make a miracle and make me straight. But here comes High School (It was a Christian school). I became friends with Christian people and have told me that God made us special and didnt want us to change ourselves for others but only for Him. Then I realized that I was made this way for a reason. Then here I am in EC, writing this heck long essay of how I accepted my sexuality :lol:

What were some of the challenges you faced coming out to friends/family/coworkers? Did they come around eventually? Did they cut you off? Or were they accepting from the beginning?

-I have only came out to one of my best friends (I had came out to 2 online friends but I wont count that since we never met irl). Saying that "I am gay" is really hard so I just told her that I became suicidal because of my homophobic family. And she knew what that meant. She was VERY accepting and in fact helped me.

I still am not planning to come out to my family this year, tho.

Did you grow up around gay people? How did you perceive them?

-Here in the Philippines, most gay people are trans female. Sadly, most of them are very sexual. Maybe that's why my family became homophobic. Well, like my family, I used to avoid and discriminate them.

What advice would you give to other teenagers in your position?

- Ahhhh, be yourself? Hmmm, no, too cliché. Learn to love your self first... another cliché. Fuck, I cant think of any. Hmmm...

Being LGBT doesnt mean youre a freak or something. It only means that you are special in looking for someone to love. It is who you are, and changing it would only exhaust you. Learn to accept and live with it. One day, that will be the cause of your success.

Yes! I did it! I said something that's not cliché (well I hope)!

 

When did you discover you were trans?
I always knew something was wrong. It was obvious by the time I went to high school. Of course, I lacked knowing the terms, until I was 15. I didn't really accept that I'm a trans guy, until I hit 17.

Did your family know you were "different"? (Sorry for the way this is phrased, the last thing I want to do is offend anyone) How did they react?
Yes. We had our little conflicts. My parents assumed I was very tomboyish. Several years ago, I made the mistake of allowing my mother to talk to a medical professional, that I was meeting to talk about my gender issues. She denied that I was "different" as a child. I was surprised that the medical professional didn't see right through typical rushed phrases such as "perfectly normal." Then again, my mother can be terribly persuasive.

How did you perceive yourself growing up?
Confusion.

How were you treated at school? Did you have many friends?
I was mostly okay at primary school... I was popular. At high school, I was called a freak and told to kill myself. That's the tip of the iceberg. You really don't want to know more about this.

When did you realise what it meant to be "trans?" Were there any trans people in your life?
At the age of 15, I found out about terms pertaining to transsexualism, thanks to the internet. I mostly repressed my trans feelings, for around the next 2 years. I don't really have any trans friends, offline.

Was it hard for you to accept your gender identity? Was it hard for others?
Yes to both. Although there are exceptions such as good friends.

What message/advice would you give your children in your position now?
Many people aren't going to understand you. It's a bit easier to cope, if you understand these trans-phobic losers, are scared of you. Some of these idiots express their fear by causing pointless violence against trans people. It really helps, if you have at least one person in your life, who respects your gender identity. Sometimes things have to get a lot worse, before they can get better.

 

When did you first experience attraction to the same sex/realise what "gay" was?

When I was little, I've always found shirtless guys in movies... attractive.

It was only until I was about 15 when I learned what the word ACTUALLY meant.



Did it take you long to accept your sexuality? What were you taught about gay people?

It did. I accepted myself when I was about 13 or 14, but thought I must be bisexual.


Well, in our country, people call gay guys bakla. The bakla are known for their "colorful" culture, very effeminate men (to the extent they address themselves as women, but are not trans, if that makes sense), quite intimidating because they'd holler at men same as how men holler at women.

Bakla's direct translation is not gay, but rather queer, as an author of a very informative book wrote. I think he even wrote "All bakla are gay, but not all gays are bakla.".

Quite simply, society deemed baklas disgusting and shameful, and that's the mentality I had. Even was happy that Adam Lambert lost to Kris Allen in American Idol because he was gay, all while maintaining my internal struggle.



What were some of the challenges you faced coming out to friends/family/coworkers? Did they come around eventually? Did they cut you off? Or were they accepting from the beginning?

It was always more of an internal struggle. I've always found it hard to tell my friends. But all of them accepted me instantaneously (except for two girls who couldn't believe I was gay).



Did you grow up around gay people? How did you perceive them?

I didn't, actually. But baklas are "widespread" (quoting how homophobes would say it). I'd always hear my mom say (translated for you convenience) "Look at that bakla wearing short shorts and blush-on. I hope his parents are ashamed of him." So, pretty much I had the same mentality.

I actually have an openly lesbian cousin. When she came out a few years back, that was the first time I felt like "She's no different, so why are we treating her differently?"



What advice would you give to other teenagers in your position?

The best thing to do right now is to find people who are like-minded, supporting and accepting. This way you would never have to doubt yourself, or even think like you're less of a human being.

 

When did you first experience attraction to the same sex/realise what "gay" was?
My first crush was one of my best friends. I was 11 or 12, and I was too embarrassed to tell her. I was raised in a religious household, and I knew that a lot of religions frown on it, in general. I still had crushes on guys, so I focussed on that.
I never saw a trans person and said - that's me, though. Most I was exposed to were so polarized that I didn't identify. I was 25 or so when I discovered non-binary, and went, that's me.

Did it take you long to accept your sexuality? What were you taught about gay people?
A looooong time. I didn't accept being bi until my late teens - 18 or 19. As for being trans, it wasn't until the last year or so that I fully accepted that I am trans. I was raised religious, as I said before. The acceptance was... lacking. I honestly thought my parents were more against it than they ended up being, in the end.

What were some of the challenges you faced coming out to friends/family/coworkers? Did they come around eventually? Did they cut you off? Or were they accepting from the beginning?
Everyone's been awesome. There's been some surprise, and some confusion as I come to the conclusion as to who I actually am. I may have come out drunk to some classmates the other day. That's not a fun thing.

The challenge is me. I am so afraid of what people will think, or how they will perceive me, or how this will affect my future, that I get anxious and just can't do it.

Did you grow up around gay people? How did you perceive them?
I didn't. I had little to go off of. There was a trans woman living in town, but she wasn't a nice person, so I had issues with her, specifically. I didn't have a positive influence until I found the internet. I did think it was wrong to hate people for who they love, though.

What advice would you give to other teenagers in your position?
Sexuality and orientation isn't black and white. Take time, experiment a little at a time, if you find something that feels right to you, then keep it. Labels aren't terribly important, and there's time to find one that fits you. No matter what, be safe, and be happy, and be you. Find people like you. Isolation can crush your soul. And you are enough.

 

When did you first experience attraction to the same sex/realise what "gay" was?
1. The first time I was attracted to another boy was when I was in 6th grade, and I didn't fully realize what it was, but it scared me and I willfully tried to ignore that part of me.

Did it take you long to accept your sexuality? What were you taught about gay people?
2. It took almost 5 years for me to accept the fact I was gay and to work past my own internal homophobia. I went to a christian school with a lot of closeminded people, so when it was brought up, (which wasn't often-- it was considered taboo to talk about) I was taught that being gay was a sin and therefore a choice, and that gay people were basically morally depraved perverts

What were some of the challenges you faced coming out to friends/family/coworkers? Did they come around eventually? Did they cut you off? Or were they accepting from the beginning?
3. I'm only out to three people currently. My mom and her wife of two years (I live with my dad) were completely fine with it of course and weren't even surprised when I told them. When I told my best friend of 6 years I was gay, he was disgusted at first, then later pretended like i'd never told him. We don't talk very much now.

Did you grow up around gay people? How did you perceive them?
4. The only times I had gay classmates/peers was also when I was extremely closeted and in denial. Regretfully, I tended to avoid them as much as possible because I was afraid they would realize I was gay (with their gaydar superpower of course) and out me

What advice would you give to other teenagers in your position?
5. Just to know that it's perfectly ok to be who you are, no matter what anybody says

 

1) some time around 11 or 12

2) 40+ years, I was taught the were nice people (at least the ones I was exposed to), but they live lonely, desperate lives, and not readily accepted.

3) Most of my friends we're really supportive from the start. Only one couple cut me off, because it went against their beliefs.

4) See question 2

5) What ever you're going through, you will get through it. Don't spend your life conforming to society, family, and church.