Hi to you EC mates, I have enthusiastically followed the most-read threads of this part of the forum in the hope of finding some wise words on how we can still live a fulfilling life in spite of not being able to establish a relationship. I expected that I would find many interesting answers, as I am truly impressed by the depth of the insight that are normally offered here. But to my disappointment, it seems "getting out of a relationship" or "starting off a relationship" are the two main themes here. So I have started wondering if I am totally miscalculating something... Let me explain it better. For a variety of reasons, I don't have the slightest possibility of finding and living with a same-sex partner. Fortunately I am not forced to live with an opposite one either. Of course it is not easy, but to me it does not seem like an absolute insurmountable case. Instead of stretching myself ten thousands miles out of my comfort zone, and seeking the impossible, I have chosen to mitigate my predicaments and find alternative ways of being in connection with human beings. It has worked ok for the past few years, but sometimes I find myself clueless what to do, and how to manage things, as there is almost no similar case that I can relate to or seek insight from. It sounds a little strange to me that there is nobody out there that has to cope with his/her sexual orientation without being able to pursue it in her/his real life AND still live a normal life. I am sure that there must be a number of us at least, and I cannot believe that all of them are living a miserable life. I know that human beings in general is so capable of finding ways to survive and grow out of hardships. Am I correct?
Hi Sonetto, My situation is not like yours, as I'm coming out of a 25 year marriage and haven't lived alone since I was in my early thirties. However, what is similar, is that right now I am not pursuing any relationships with others and live alone. Do I live a normal life? Not sure but I think I come off as pretty normal at work where nobody knows my inner secrets. Now to your question, "Is it really that hard to live alone?" For me it is hard, very hard, although I made a beautiful home of this apartment when I left the house where my kids and wife live. I can do everything I need to to live alone but what makes it hard is that it's not what I want and it's hard for me to accept that I can't have what I want. I have no idea if I answered your question.
I know a number of people who are single in middle age and actually seem o be having an OK time of being on their own.. Some even prefer it. So I think it IS possible !!
For me, the short answer is, how much socialization do I get. I lived with one partner or another since the mid 90s, but for the last few years on my own. Since I'm demisexual and my life is changing so much lately, it's hard for me to even consider starting anything. If I'm working at home for a prolonged period (weeks), it can be difficult to remain positive. Being middle aged and having friends that are generally busy with careers and children, it is much harder to see friends than when in my 20-30s.
I'm 47 and live alone. I've never been married, have no kids, and never have been in a romantic relationship. I only accepted the fact I'm gay about a year or so ago (probably the reason I've never had a relationship lol),. Living alone has its benefits. The down side is not having an extra set of hands to do things around the house or to help with meeting repairmen, etc. In my case, my social life is non existent for a bunch of reasons. The lack of a social network can make it difficult when, for example, I had minor surgery and had to rely on my parents because I wasn't allowed to be alone for 24 hours post surgery. My point is, living by yourself is fine, but please make sure you don't end up completely by yourself.
I live alone, and work alone. Unlike you I do hope to find a partner eventually, to be honest living alone is what has lead to my questioning what I want in life, and realizing that what I would want is to be with a woman... But, in the meantime, I have found that having a good group of friends has been imperative. I have a small circle that I see at least once a week, usually more. Most of them are single like myself, but there is also a married couple with a small child, and the rest of us have become like aunts and uncles to the little guy, which has just drawn us closer together. So, others having a family does not need to exclude you if you are close enough to them and friendly with the entire family unit. If you have adult siblings nearby, or friends who are close enough, it's possible you could still be a part of those families even without a partner of your own. Another option to consider is a roommate. Up until a few years ago I had roommates and that was something I enjoyed. It does come with it's own set of problems at times, but it also means you have someone else there without having to seek out company all the time. And, if you like animals, a pet is a great companion to have around the house. I'm not sure what I'd do without my cat. When there are no other humans around she keeps me company in my daily activities, and it makes me feel a bit less alone and a bit more fulfilled. It's not quite the same as having a person to share things with, but it is a good feeling to have something to care for that also cares for you.
Funny, I was talking about this with a friend yesterday evening. I left a marriage of 25 years in which my ex made 2 1/2 times what I make as a teacher. I left a beautiful recently remodeled 2,600 sq. ft. stone cape on 1/2 acre in a posh suburb. I moved into a pre-war building in town that is charming. I've come down in the world considerably, but that's not what I miss. I miss having someone to talk to in the evening, seeing my children everyday, being able to give my dog the free run of the yard due to an invisible fence, a yard to garden, and a place for children to play. I miss having to cook for beyond measure. Yes, I'm leading an "authentic life". However, little things are the big things - sharing a bed, a meal, and conversation. I 've not had to budget and pay bills in ages. It's very humbling. It takes some getting used to, but get used to it we must. I truly believe this. Good luck. I heard gets easier as time moves forward.
