My whole life I've been attracted to boys (I'm a girl). I've always had crushes on boys, fantasized about boys, talked about boys, etc. I've even had a few very intense crushes on boys (even very recently). However, that being said, I've never been in a relationship (I'm 20) and I'm not very sexually experienced. In high school there was one boy who I had a thing with, who I wasn't very attracted to from the get-go and whenever we kissed I didn't really feel anything and I ended up avoiding him. The first time I had sex (with a boy) was this year in university, and I felt so unattracted to him during it that it caused me to question my sexuality right after. All of the other times I have just drunkenly made out with men, the act of which felt like nothing. So, in the past month I've felt a sudden turn and I've started looking at girls differently. Suddenly now I think "I could kiss you", and "wow feminine features are actually attractive to me right now". Basically what is bothering me right now is the idea that my attraction to boys is some sort of societally ingrained "lie" that has just been waiting to be uncovered. Could my pickiness with men be a sign that I'm not actually attracted to them? I've spent my whole life making excuses when they approach me because I'm both too nervous and picky, and in the moment I always think "eh, I could pass". My lack of actual sexual experience doesn't give me much to deny or confirm this questioning. I also have been attracted to some women in the past (before this questioning period), though rarely. Sorry this is long winded, but my point is: Is it possible to suddenly realize you're attracted to women even though your whole life you were genuinely attracted to men (from afar)? Can you be attracted to men your whole life, and then upon actually trying sex, realize that men don't do it for you and that you're actually into women? I do think that sexuality is a spectrum, but my question is more along the lines of: Is it possibly that I'm (in reality) not physically attracted to men at all if I always have been in my mind?
Hey, I believe it is possible to realise you like someone else than you thought. I am 24 and I thought I am straight all my life. I was always too picky when it comes to boys. I liked boys in the past and had a huge crush on one, other time it didn't last. So I liked boys and never considered I could like girls. But now looking back I can see that there were always signs I didn't like boys. I was always so picky like I dreamt of a guy that doesn't even exist, I always found so much excuse why I couldn't date somebody, when I was asked on a date I gave few guys my number but I never got back to them, because it didn't feel right. And then I noticed that I like girls too much and when I look at my life now I don't feel I was that straight before as I thought. So yeah I think it is absolutely possible. There are people who are married already when they realise they like the same gender. Some people need years in heterosexual relationship, some need first sex or kiss with the opposite gender to find out it doesn't feel right. In my case I didn't need physical contact with men before I started questioning myself(at 24) well if I don't count cheek kisses with my "boyfriend" in kindergarden Now I'm just ťhinking why the hell I didn't see certain things before.
To answer your question, it is totally possible to be drawn to men and think you are attracted to them but, in reality, not have any sexual desires toward them. Like you said, society tells us that we should be attracted to the opposite sex so that idea gets ingrained in our minds. I think a good thing for you to do now is explore your (possible) attraction to girls. As silly as it may sound, give yourself permission to feel sexually attracted to women. Often our subconscious shuts out same sex attractions because we don't want them or are simply not open to them. Once you embrace the possibility of liking girls, you may see a difference in the number of girls you are attracted to. Hope this helps!
