I'm pretty sure this is just a part of getting older, no matter who you are, but I know that I have regrets about my past that I can't just shrug off. I regret not coming out earlier. Years ago I loved another man, who I suspected at the time, and am now fairly certain, is gay. And I think he actually felt the same way about me. But we were both closeted, and we never acted on it. I can't help but wonder, if nothing else, if we could've had a great time together, maybe had a good relationship, even if only for a little while. I regret the years, the time, and the sheer brainpower that I spent trying to convince myself I was anything but gay or bisexual. Trying to "cure" myself of my feelings. I can't help but wonder what else I could've accomplished in my life if I had felt comfortable to accept myself, even if no one else knew, and spent my energy on something that was actually worthwhile. Instead, I feel like I'm only a part of who I could've been right now. I know that some people say, well, there's nothing you can do about it, so just move on! But I can't do that. I can't just shrug my shoulders and forget what happened. I know that it wasn't my fault that I felt ashamed of being gay. But that doesn't undo what happened. I want to be hopeful, but I'm not sure where to go from here.
Hi, Shake the romantic view of the past. A thousand bad things could have happened too. My advice is to take off the rose colored glasses when looking back, and start looking at today and today's choices. Make the hard choices wiseky that lead to your happiness.
I know it's very hard to let go of the past. There are many things I can't get over in my own past, but really nobody can change it. We are at a point of our lives that was determined by our past thoughts, actions, successes and mistakes. The only thing we can do is working for the best possible results based on our present, so that our future might be better than our past.
I look at life as one big journey. We are challenged in many different ways on the journey. And no two journey's are the same. Embrace the path you are on, recognize where you have been but keep an eye forward.
It is natural to regret what might have been...but perhaps instead of seeing the past as a set of different possibilities, it might be better to see the past as having to be what it was. Because the past is gone, you can perhaps see that everything that happened had to happen as it did, you had to live your life as you live it because your choices seemed right at the time, otherwise you would have chosen a different path. We are generally rational actors in our own lives, and being in the closet was often a very rational and wise decision for various reasons. Letting go of regret starts with letting go of the idea that you have been the only one to determine your fate; you haven't been, you aren't now, and you won't ever be the sole captain of your ship. You are part of a wider community, whether you like it or not. There are factors beyond your control that will often decide things for you, or more commonly constrain your choices to a select and finite number of options. Letting go of regret means, first and foremost, forgiving yourself and deciding that your past, first and foremost, was your opportunity to learn what could not be learned in any other way.
Hello, I came on this site to write something simular when i saw your post. I understand how difficult it is to remain positive when you have regrets from the past. I'm not sure i can offer any advice but do try to remain positive and to focus on the good things in your life. Molly x
I made a choice to regret nothing from my past because I realized how much energy it was draining away from me - the exact energy I need right now for finally creating my own life the way I want it. Moreover it's easier to see one's "bad" decisions now when you see the whole picture - the luxury you didn't have back then, you should remember that. There's still enough time for you to spend your energy on something that is actually worthwhile so why to waste more time on wondering about things you can't change? Please, don't do that to yourself. (*hug*)
Hi! Do you still have contact with the said man? If it's possible without compromising other things, maybe you could talk, make amends, forgive each other, finish whatever that's unfinished between you and have that closure. Otherwise, just move on, learn the lesson from that experience because there's no point in regretting. Things happen for a reason and they make you stronger and ready to face new challenges. And remember that it's never too late to start anew. There's always a new opportunity for you everyday.
One of the things we all have to do at midlife is make peace with regrets - The choices you made when younger were the least painful at the time, and those times are long gone. Whenever I find myself regretting, I imagine being in the last days of my life and feel determined to smile about what I did experience rather than feel despair at what I let pass by..
You can't change the past, but you can make a future past that you can remember fondly if you stop wasting time thinking about the part of the past you can't change and work on being happy in the present. This sub-forum is loaded with people who did the same thing as you; some of them are addressing their mistakes and moving on in a more positive direction. So can you. Start today.
When I think too much, I get caught in the vicious cycle of regretful thinking but then I realize that if I had not done exactly as I had done, everything would have been different. That is, my kids probably would not be here, which I can't accept. So I think I have regrets but think, it is probably not likely that I could have taken a different path without giving them up. However, that being said, I believe it would have been better for me and everyone in my family if I had come out sooner; that I have regrets about.
