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A lil advice would be appreciated

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Simple Thoughts, Apr 2, 2015.

  1. Simple Thoughts

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    I'm hoping this is where I should put this, if not I can take it down and put it where necessary ^^"

    Anyways...

    I'm planning to move around December and when I go I kinda want to umm...not necessary reinvent myself, but sorta pursue the things I've wanted to do, but been too afraid.

    I want to crossdress. When I was younger I think it was mostly part of some sexual component for me, but lately I've been thinking about it in another way. I feel like I want to at least explore it non sexually and so I've decided I'm going to give it a try.

    I plan to start off small though. I was thinking little things like buying a couple girl's hoodies. I remember I used to have one that I wore around, and I liked the look and feel of it on me. It just felt more comfortable to me and so I figured I'd start there and find out where my comfort zone is.

    The thing is though, I'm a lil nervous about it still, and more than that I'm a lil terrified that I wouldn't even be passable and if that was the case...well then I'd just seem strange and weird to people >.>

    I'd really like to do some sort of exercising now and try to get into better shape, but I need to make sure whatever I do focuses on the fact that I'm trying to feminize my look. Plus...I've never really liked big muscles anyways, I'd prefer something more androgynous. I just don't really know the first thing about excercise routines at all >.<

    So...if anyone had any advice in that area it'd be appreciated.

    Also even though I know I'm a good ways away from putting it into practice, I'm also sorta terrified about trying this so, but I feel like I need to at least explore it because it's been something clawing at the back of mind for as long as I can remember and I think I'll lose it if I don't know at this point.

    Anyways...thank you to anyone who could help.
     
  2. lonewolfblair

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    first of all yes you're in the right place, now it does seem like you are beginning to explore your gender and seem to be finding yourself to diverge from your birth assignment, at this point in time you appear to just be exploring and therefore i can't say for sure if you're trans or genderqueer yet.
    as for the exercise part i would advise light exercise specifically ones designed to tone the muscles that way you will be fitter and healthier but not beefy and masculine.
     
  3. FancyGummy

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    If you aren't planning on going super-duper femme at first than I don't necisarily think you need to worry about "passing" at first... People would just see a super cute, feminine guy! At least I probably would. If that's what you're going for. Can't really tell... Are you trying to pass as female right off the bat? Because I'm not exactly getting that vibe, but I'm not sure.
     
  4. Simple Thoughts

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    Glad I'm in the right place.

    What sorta excercises? Like jogging/running? Like I said I'm not very well...knowledgeable about this and about exactly what to focus on. I heard once that Yoga would be helpeful, and I've been thinking about that.

    I'm really not worried about whether I'm genderqueer or trans or something else entirely. I just want to find that place where I feel comfortable with myself. I don't need a label I just want to feel like I'm where I want to be.

    My dad's would hate me if he even knew I was considering this. Good thing he won't even know I'm leaving til I'm gone X3


    I got to get some sleep before work so I'm hopping out for now, but I'll be back on tomorrow and I'd appreciate any input anyone could offer about this. Thank you very much

    ---------- Post added 2nd Apr 2015 at 10:29 PM ----------

    Well I've always wanted to excercise a bit and get into better shape, but I've always been so lazy about it.

    I'm figuring if I'm gonna be moving anyways, and if I'm really going to be going through with this than I should focus on something I can do now and build up confidence I guess.
     
  5. FancyGummy

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    Jogging / running work, along with sit-ups (stupid difficult, but if you want a flat tummy...)

    Also, personally I feel like Old Navy has nicely androgynous stuff - but that might just be because I'm super uncomfortable with this stuff (mostly it's just that they make shirts that fit nicely made out of the sort of fabric typically reserved for women's clothes. Sooo soft, I love it x3 )

    Sorry for not helping... That's probably not what you're looking for at all!)
     
  6. Simple Thoughts

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    I appreciate any and all help so thank you :slight_smile:

    I'll be sure to consider situps and running =3
     
  7. Jellal

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    Daily situps are great. Back when I was 12 years old I would do 100 of them every morning during the summer ... and for two months I was a little kid with a 6-pack. It kind of made my stomach queasy after a while though, so I stopped. But it just goes to show what consistent effort can do if you really put your mind to it.
     
  8. Simple Thoughts

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    Well I guess sittups is on my list now. I should probably start with that =)

    Any other suggestions? Thoughts? I dunno anything really. I'm kinda at a loss here, I only have a 'sort of' plan of action here.
     
  9. Elianora

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    Well, I don't really have any advice as far as working out goes (I might actually take some of the advice you have gotten so far in that department myself) but I might be able to help with some of the other parts. When I was still hiding it one thing that I did that really helped "feminize" myself was shaving (I'm sure that's kind of an obvious one but I rarely see people recommending it to beginners). I shave everything, arms legs, face, body, also shaving your didgets(fingers and toes) makes a bigger difference than you might expect. The nice thing about that is it's totally okay for males to do that as well. Another one is take care of your nails. You don't need to grow them out really long and paint them (though toe nail pair is really fun and easy to conceal with socks if you need to. Or don't conceal it; call it emo.) But get a file and keep them looking nice. I can get a little wordy sometimes so I'll finish with one last bit of advice about "passing". Just starting out, you won't "pass," BUT, you don't need to. I think to enjoy or even feel confident about cross dressing you have to get the idea that you have to pass out of your head. You don't need to pass you need to look and feel good. I for example, am almost living full time as myself now (as a trans woman) and I don't think I pass. However, that doesn't mean I can't think I look damn fine. .... I lied, I still have two more things for you, a story and a video. here is a link to a series of videos that while a bit low quality help me quite a bit: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ckNqeg4XukA Also, the story. There is this person who lives in my town who is a cos male, esteemed realitor. A couple times a month he goes into the big city dressed as a woman. Proof right there that what you want to do is totally fine. And finnaly, I want to recommend that you find a trans or LGBT support group. I hope at least a little of what I wrote will help you. And feel free to pm me about anything.

    P.S. after writing all this I saw you have been here for quite a while and I totally wrote this to someone completely new to all this. Sorry about that. Good luck with what ever you wind up doing.
     
  10. Simple Thoughts

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    It's been a long time since I've been on here and I don't remember how to break up the quotes into segments so I'll just adress things as clearly as I can ^^"

    I was thinking abut shaving, I shaved my legs once before and kinda liked the way they looked/felt so I might do it again ( though it's really tough and time consuming ) but I do have a question...how would you ummm *feels a little embarrassed* get to like backside and stuff >.>

    I tried nails before. I even stopped nail bitting for a few months ( I regressed since then ) the thing is tough I don't get filing my nails...I just mess them up worse *sighs* I'm not sure how you're supposed to do it >.>

    I guess the whole 'pass' thing makes sense, but umm...I dunno I just wouldn't want people thinking I was weird or staring at me. That's why I'd want to pass, cause then they wouldn't even know the difference anyways >.< I know I have the hair and eyes for it, but I dunno about the rest. Besides, if I'm doing this I'm gonna look my best. =3

    Sure I'd love to talk more about this.

    You're right I'm not new to this forum, but it's been awhile and when it comes to gender expression issues I might as well be new ;_; I teased at this a lot, but I could never really bring myself to I dunno admit to it I guess, but I made some friends a while back and they've been really supportive, and we're gonna all be living together in about a year and they said they'd support and help me with this, so I guess I'm feeling motivated.
     
  11. Simple Thoughts

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    *gently gives thread a bump*
     
  12. Pret Allez

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    Hey sweetie :3

    What you should do is get some clothes you feel comfortable in. If you want, you can shop online for women's clothes. If you'd prefer to do it in person, maybe get a friend who is already supportive of your bisexuality and have them walk you around the women's aisle. I felt a bit nervous when I started out. :frowning2: Just get some clothes you feel comfortable, valid, and authentic in. Don't focus on whether or not you're passing or not. Just do what feels right.

    I can relate to where you're at wanting to lose weight as part of feminization. (*hug*) The best thing you can do is make the dual lifestyle changes at once: diet and exercise. You can make each change--dieting, and exercise--small, and it's important for comfort and sustainability reasons that you do keep it small, but you need to do both at once. You can't exercise without dieting, because you'll see virtually no weight loss, and you can't diet without exercise, because if you do that, you'll lose lean body mass along with fat.

    My recommendations for exercise starting out are, just aim for 15-20 minutes of something moderate--enough to get you to sweat--three times a week. Your eventual goal is 30 minutes four times a week. Start slow. Don't run fast or lift hard and injure yourself or feel so fatigued that you can't find anything fun about it. Use music to distract you.

    For diet, I recommend making better choices with food, not denying yourself. Me, I like to stuff my face, quite a lot. Normally when people think "diet," they think eating a small amount, with very large breaks in between. The reality is, you should eat a lot (probably five times a day), but hit low calorie counts. So far, I have found it's pretty impressive how much I can heap on my plate that's only 400-500 calories. You'll learn to eat a lot of vegetables (and I really do mean a lot, like a plate full of greens and vegetables per meal, etc) and enjoy natural sugars like those that come from fruits. Some really nice fruits, like strawberries, are surprisingly low in calorie count, while some more mundane ones, like bananas, are higher, almost at the same calorie count as a recommended serving of chicken!

    I recommend calorie accounting methods. Numerous apps and journal websites can help you approximate how much you're eating and whether you need to make adjustments.

    Though diet and exercise can help the process of feminization, I once against stress to you to focus on dressing the way you want and being the way you want.

    I'll keep an eye on you. Let me know if you want a different pronoun at some point.

    ~ Adrienne
     
  13. Elianora

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    Sorry it took a bit, I'm actually on vacation right now so im not checking updates of anything regularly right now but here I am to answer questions again.

    Ive worked with BB code a lot and it can really be a pain remembering all the syntax cant it. for the future if you want the code is: [.QUOTE] "quote here" [./QUOTE] (remove the periods)

    Well first off, it is kind of a pain to keep them shaved but you get faster after doing it for a while. However, the first couple months of it for me were terrible with how frikkin itchy it was, haha, but that gets much better with time as well (though I have some aloe or anti itch cream hanging around just in case). As far as the backside goes, your actual back is a bit tough by yourself unless you are quite flexible, However shaving your... how shall we put it... Gluteus Maximus is quite easy if you are willing to take it slow (though that kind of goes for all of it) One other thing to note, get a good razor if you can afford it (I havent got around to it yet but when I get home I was planning to look into Dollar Shave Club). Other than that i dont know that I can explain it much more unless you want me to get super detailed.

    When it comes to filing nails, the key is be soft. After I trim my nails I softly let the file do the work to get rid of any corners I left, and I file underneath the nail around to the top (just the edge though) so the edge comes out nice and rounded. (with this as with a lot of stuff, im still kind of figuring it out, I only came out myself about two months ago and let me tell you, youtube and google are fantastic for figuring out this kind of stuff. Ill try my best to explain anything I can but if you dont get anything give them a shot.)

    Honestly, If you think you can pass, that is awesome and I cant say I wouldn't be jealous, haha. I just know that for some people if they think they arent completely perfectly passing they will get really worked up about it and that will lead to feeling terrible. So if you feel good doing it, however you look is great.

    Well we can certainly continue discussing right here but if you have anything private then feel free to PM me.

    Well All I want to say here is congratulations on finding a safe environment and supportive people and if there is anything I can do to support you further than just advice here let me know.
     
  14. Simple Thoughts

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    Well like I said about clothes, I was planning on starting off small. Just little things to sorta 'test the water' I guess you could say. Figure out where my comfort level is, and then with the help of friends push myself a little more and a little more until I find a spot where things just feel right for me :slight_smile:

    Everyone is saying not to worry about passing, but...I dunno I just feel like I'd never be able to keep doing it if I was getting stared at all the time by people. *sighs*

    Diet and exercise hmm? As much as I hate vegetables ( seriously I have the eating habits of a child. It's super unhealthy, but I've just always been that way. ) I guess I'll just have to break it. I did pick up some apples this time I went grocery shopping because I've always liked apples and it's a lot better than what I usually pick up ( like hot pockets and that kinda stuff >.> )

    Do you happen to have any diet guides or anything? I'm not super knowledgable about it, any resources would be a great help. Thank you.

    As for exercise...

    I was sorta thinking I'd start out by just going on walks after work until I got used to them and then build up to jogging, and once I've gotten a bit of leg strength built up move to riding my bike ( I live on a hill, and I about died trying to ride my bike last time so I might need to build up to that ^^" )

    Once I move in December though I was kinda thinking about learning Belly Dancing. I dunno why, but it sounds fun and I bet it makes for a great exercise X3


    Thank you for being so helpful.

    ---------- Post added 6th Apr 2015 at 11:15 PM ----------

     
    #14 Simple Thoughts, Apr 6, 2015
    Last edited: Apr 6, 2015
  15. Elianora

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    I know this isnt my conversation but you might want to check out this video

    That is pretty much hitting the nail on the head. Also, if shaving isnt enough, there are many other methods of hair removal: Waxing, Laser, Electrolysis, Veet/Nair/Other chemicals removers.

    haha, your lucky My father is very hairy all over and I was unlucky enough to get that passed down from him.


    I didnt know any particular ones off the top of my head but a looked around and found this I dont use any files of nearly that caliber or nails that long but the idea is the same.


    That video I had linked to earlier, I think if you take anything from it it should be the part about passing being important but not the "end all, be all" as well as the fact that we see all the masculine parts so clearly but they are never as distinct as we think.

    Of course, well now for real I may be a few days before Im on here again so until then good luck and try not to get yourself down about any of this. you said your young so there is no need to rush it.
     
  16. Simple Thoughts

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  17. Elianora

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    Well I'm back. I hope your'e doing well. I was planning on answering things but it doesnt look like you had anymore things for me to answer. I think that means I helped? :slight_smile:
     
  18. Simple Thoughts

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    Well to be honest I'm just not sure what I should even be askikng ^^"

    Though I did shave my legs ( and other places ) the other day...that took forever ;_;
     
  19. Elianora

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    Haha, that's perfectly okay as well. I think a good way to go about experimenting with gender is just to try stuff and see what feels natural. if you are doing things to force yourself to be one way or another than it most likely isn't you trying to be you anymore. It's just you trying to be someone you're not.

    But anyways, Shaving really is a pain isn't it. Haha, it gives me an excuse to take long baths though :slight_smile:. Unfortunately there is no real trick to making it take less time save for practice and even that doesn't speed it up a whole lot.
     
  20. Simple Thoughts

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    Yeah shaving took a good awhile, but oh well. I suppose that can't really be helped. I really need to go back over it though, I missed a few spots, I've just been kinda lazy ^^"

    Thank you for being so supportive about all this, by the way.