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Trouble figuring out my gender identity - advice?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Astral, Mar 10, 2015.

  1. Astral

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    Hello all,

    I'm 18 years old, male, bisexual, and recently also feeling as though I'm trans as well.

    My entire life, I've had an attraction to both genders. I've been open to everyone about it for about a year and a bit now, and my friends and family have been supportive from the beginning. I know this is lucky, as many of us in the LGBT community go through many hardships on their roads to self-acceptance.

    I grew up in a house primarily women filled, with many sisters, no brother and a frequently working father. I've always had female friends, as far back as I can recall. In fact, until around 16, I didn't have any male acquaintances. I was a ladies man in high school, being on the promiscuous side and having large amounts of casual sex with multitudes of different people.

    I always said if I could choose my gender, I'd be female. When I was a child, I would play with dolls and I recall a couple times dressing up in female family members clothing. I even recall trying to use a pad once! (though I had no idea what it was for, I knew it was for something only women could do). To this day the idea of being a woman makes me long for the possibility to do so, and I love to be alone and able to really expose my femininity without worry of judgment.

    The past month or so, I've felt like I've really started to notice these aspects of myself more. I've always seen myself as more feminine on the inside, and relate much easier to women. I recently decided to experiment with cross-dressing, and the feelings I got when I did were inexplicable. I felt very right -- it was a great experience. It just makes me want a wig!

    My question is, is there any way I'm just over thinking something? I feel very okay with the idea of me being TS, and I think it's an aspect of myself I'd love to explore. I just don't know if it's possible to just see these onsets (though apparently the signs have always been there) this late on in life / development?

    Would love some feedback. Thanks a ton in advance to anyone out there! :slight_smile: <3 xoxo
     
  2. NingyoBroken

    NingyoBroken Guest

    Are you unhappy with being male, being referred to with male pronouns and having a male body? If not, you aren't trans.

    Men can be feminine and like feminine things too you know.
     
  3. KayJay

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    Well if dressing up in women's clothes made you feel that good, there might be something there.

    When I was young I never expressed any interest in feminine related things and here I am. I think you still have lots of exploration to do. You didn't seem to express any dysphoria about your body, while personally I don't think you need dysphoria to be trans, it's definitely one of the signs.

    You should definitely experiment with dressing in women's clothes, maybe try going out presenting more femininely and see how it feels in public too. I don't even necessarily mean clothes, you could paint your nails, walk with your hips, cross your legs.

    Hope that helps a bit.
     
  4. Astral

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    I would say I'm generally unhappy being male. I genuinely wish I was born female; I have the urges to do female things ie makeup, hair, dress like a woman... When I imagine my life in the future as so I feel happy about it. I wish I could change my body, and if I felt the procedures were safe, would probably be willing to undergo some surgery.

    As far as the pronouns go, it's not something that's ever bothered me in the past, though with that said, being addressed as 'her' feels more appropriate when said regarding me.
     
  5. AsheTheHuman

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    I don't know if that's necessarily fair to say. Nevertheless, those questions are a good starting point. Would you mind answering them? Also, if you have any questions, I and I'm sure others would be happy to answer them.
     
  6. Astral

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    I wouldn't go as far as to say I hate my body; I feel that's too strong of a statement. I do dislike in in the sense that I wish I was born differently, as a girl.

    I've experimented with the nails painting, walking feminine, and crossing my legs etc. and every time I've done so I enjoyed it a lot. I want to continue experimenting with dressing as a woman, I really want a wig so I can see what it's like having long hair to do up :slight_smile:

    Thanks a lot for the comment -- Really appreciate the experienced support! :slight_smile:
     
  7. Astral

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    I would say I have felt a degree of social dysphoria in my youth. I have never felt as though I was truly part of my gender role; I've never felt on the same thought level with other males, as well as feelings of something being significantly different from them and myself. I've always had a high level of anxiety regarding how I acted around others, whether I was securing my masculinity or not.
     
  8. Astral

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    I'm still in need of some advice, if any one out there can give it.
     
  9. RainDreamer

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    Well, anything else specific you want to ask? From what I have seen, you seem to have it figured out, and on your way to be who you want to be. Lots of lights are green here. I would say it is best to think really carefully about it before committing to transition. But seems like you already try crossdressing and all the other experiment, it seems like you did give quite a bit of thoughts about it.
     
  10. unholyzebra

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    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    What made me just realize I was the wrong gender was that the only reason that I had not to change was that I was afraid that I would upset my friends and family. Now I realize that I have lived my life to make others happy not to make myself happy. Imagine that you didn't know anyone, a Tabula Rasa situation. Would you transition if it made you happy in the end?

    It is easy to get used to being unhappy for the sake of others being comfortable. The hard thing is to do what makes you happy by disregarding other people's opinions. Treat yourself!

    I've heard this type of advice all the time here, now I realize that it is because it is true. I thought so many of my opinions were mine, but in reality I picked these up from what other people think and suppressed mine. So now I'm just gonna say "Whateva I do what I want!" (Eric Cartman 2002).

    Also writing helps a lot. I wrote probably 15 pages of thoughts in a notebook, and this was the overarching theme.
     
    #10 unholyzebra, Mar 12, 2015
    Last edited: Mar 12, 2015
  11. penta

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    Location:
    Netherlands
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    You can get advise from as many people as you want but in the end it's you making the decision.
    Go ask yourself if you think it's worth going through and what is realisticly possible in the end.
    Ifor myself know that a full transition as much as i would like to think about it is impossible for me.

    my advise is to try to experiment, give it some time. let your thought run through your head and don't let your own opinion be influenced by others, remember it's your life, your body and you have tolive with yourself.
    Don't go hiding for it and think it will pass, i know from personal experience it wont!
     
  12. unholyzebra

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    Gender:
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    I just realized you're 13 my b, take your time for real. That is a really tough age, I was playing rugby, football, and all that manly stuff at that time lol. Just try and have fun, also no one will remember much from that time after a few years. Unless you faint during sex ed... Matt
     
  13. Astral

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    Thank you everyone who's given some input, my goal coming here was to look for affirmation from people who have gone through similar ordeals that I wasn't simply overthinking anything. I appreciate the community support immensely!

    I'm going to continue experimenting, look into further CD things, see where it all takes me -- I truly think it may be a road that could bring me happiness, but only time will tell in the end.

    Just one day at a time I suppose. :slight_smile:

    @unholyzebra: I'm 18! :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  14. unholyzebra

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    Gender:
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    I thought that I posted that somewhere else, sorry bout that.

    My comment before that still stands though
     
  15. Polka Dots

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    Hi there, Astral. Welcome to EC!

    I can relate with this except reverse. I've never been on the "same wavelength" as my female peers, but then, despite how many years it took for me to accept who I am I never viewed myself as female (my birth gender), either. Ten years ago I told my now-spouse-then-best-friend I wasn't a woman, so even then I knew without knowing, if that makes any sense.

    For me, my social and emotional dysphoria has been apparent for most of my life (that's the reason I joined this forum), and once everything "clicked" I realized physical dysphoria has been present, too. (EX: I don't enjoy having my breasts touched --- never have. I incorrectly assumed that was the norm.) This realization is difficult for me to vocalize to my spouse as I know how much he loves my body. I guess I'm glad one of us does.

    And personally, I don't think 18 is too young to know whether or not you fall under the trans* umbrella. I was attempting to explain my feelings to my mom when I was a preteen, but what held me back was my inadequate vocabulary. (You'd be amazed at how little LGBT terms were common knowledge to a small town kid 20+ years ago.)

    That said, I recommend some self-reflection. My wall is always open if you'd like to chat.

    PS: I just realized you identify as bisexual, too. Awesome.

    This is very true. For example, I know men of all orientations and gender identities who enjoy collecting dolls. I should know since I collect them, myself ---- sure as hell doesn't make me see myself as female.

    Although oddly enough as a child I refused to play with dolls because I didn't want to be viewed as a girl. Hmm.
     
    #15 Polka Dots, Mar 13, 2015
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2015
  16. Astral

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    Thanks for the warm welcome! :slight_smile: It's nice to finally be able to meet so many people whom share similar life experiences.

    I also grew up in a small town, so I can most definitely relate to that. As I'm sure anyone who grew up similarly can understand, there's not a very big LGBT community within my town. It's hard trying to find people who get it, and this forum seems like a really great group of people. I already feel like I have a better understanding of myself just from meeting others like me! :slight_smile:

    Always around for a chat if you would like as well. (*hug*)