So for the past 4 years, ever since I began a relationship with my ex, a female, I've had tendencies to find men very attractive and note I'm just a senior now in high school. Like some teachers I've found nice. And I've been checking guys out more and more. Like omg idk what to do. ;-; I've been in a strong denial that I wasn't bi or gay for a long time. Like me and my ex broke up after 2 years of a healthy relationship. But we never did anything sexual than making out. And when we tried to go to the next step I nearly threw up at the thought of it. And I think I upset her. :/ but I normally watch gay porn and rarely straight. I've just accepted to myself that I have at least some curiosity about myself. I'm mainly scared of my family and friends' opinions. Like, I'm Christain and I've been taught that any form of homosexuality is a sin and you'll go to hell. My parents often make fun of gay people and take pity on their "sin". But I've been taking a deeper look into it. And I look at the bible as a whole and not by section. And I've not found much to anything on sexual orientation. I've also read online about gay Christains. I just don't want to upset God or let down him in anyway. I've talked before to a gay man in my area over Kik about his life and view on it and he seemed content. Also if I'm not mistaken isn't sexual decided by God at birth? I just want to get this off my chest. :/ Another thing is I work with the cutest gay guy ever. He is 21 and I'm 17. Like I'm not obsessed with him but I can see myself with him? And I've recently a few months ago tried to date some girls again but I couldn't get into it. I'm scared of diseases, opinions, and my Faith. ;-; I'm starting to think im gay and not so much bi curious. But I still have feels for some girls. Ugh. Another thing is he has a bf and I don't want to mess up their relationship plus since we work together that would most likely get us both fired. So I need to play this safe. Maybe be friends with him? Like I'm stuck. Thanks. :tears:
Really sucks, doesn't it? I remember feeling the exact same way at pretty much the same time, and I'm still dealing with it. I can't help with the faith thing - that's something you need to figure out for yourself - but your worry about diseases isn't completely accurate (slightly more of a problem than straight relationships, but really the "gay people have AIDS" thing stems from a serious epidemic during the 80s). How is your relationship with your gay coworker? Do you consider each other friends? Do you think there is any chance you could talk to him about being confused, at least?
Don't worry about god so much. I to am a reliious men. Though brought up a bit more free. For example I believe no one religion is truly right or wrong. Not even that you don't believe in a god is wrong in my oppinion. It's the person you are during your life that matters. So I also believe that is doesn't matter if you are straight, bi or gay. What's most important is that you enjoy your life while also doing good by the other people you might meet. So as long as you don't murder, rape etc. I don't think god will care much. So go for it if you truly want to. Though I don't think it's a good idea to try and get a guy if he already has a boyfirend. Just imagine if you had a boyfriedn and some one stole him from you. You wouldn't like that verty much either would you? So don't do it to some one else either then.
