How bad is cheating in a committed relationship?

Hi LL,

48 here, bisexual, and been in a monogamous relationship 28 years and counting...and I get *completely* where you're coming from. I've been tempted a small number of times myself, but have never cheated, and would like to think I never would.

My partner and I agree that while cheating would have ended our relationship in the first 5 years, for sure, a one-time cheating incident *at this point* in our relationship would *probably* not.

But even if it doesn't end our relationship, I think she and I still agree that it is *very bad*. It's just a bad thing to do. Yes, people make bad decisions sometimes...but (to us at least) they are still *bad* (rather than "mostly bad").

 

Well for me I could not blame nor judge the cheater cause sometimes people cheat because they don't feel the love and the care to their partner so they'll gonna find it to somebody else who can. I didn't say it's not that bad but you cannot blame them if the other party is not doing their part and neglecting the person. The only wrong thing though is they could have broke up with the person first or talking about their status if they're not happy anymore or the spark has died out maybe they will be no cheating involved. They could have just say it directly to their partner.

But if it's ruining a family it is totally bad or if it's his/ she's just a player then that's not acceptable.

 

I think it's an age thing, also. We learn that a long relationship, your case, 28 years, is not something to toss aside lightly. People screw up and that sometimes it is not because that person is bad, but they made a bad decision and regret it. Not that there really is ANY excuse to cheat, you should communicate with your partner and work things out, but how many of us are perfect humans?

Cheating is not a good thing by any means, but I think with time and experience, you gain a different perspective.

 

I voted for very bad. no matter the condition of the relationship, cheating is NEVER the answer. people who are considering cheating have 2 options:

-make the relationship work and let their significant other be their ONE AND ONLY
-just simply break up with them and move on. its way less painful than cheating.

 

Every relationship is different, but it has rules, if we call it cheating, then I assume in some kind of relationship one of the rules was faithfulness, then it's very bad.

Just break up and do what ever you want, why cheat. Ofcourse, there can be reasons, but still...

 

I think cheating is way more painful than just breaking up because you didnt had the guts to tell your significant other that you want the relationship to end or talk about problems instead you hurt someone who probably loved you a lot. Which I think is really gruesome and selfish.