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What is dysphoria to you?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by processingerror, Mar 9, 2015.

  1. processingerror

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    I think because it's so different for all that I'm having trouble defining it when I try to explain it to others or to relate to other people's experiences. So, what is dysphoria to you? What's it like? How would you define it? What was the best/worst it's been?
     
  2. NingyoBroken

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    Dysphoria is agony.

    Crushing, suffocating agony.
     
  3. NotWhoYouThink

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    For me, dysphoria is looking in the mirror and seeing me. But it's wrong, distorted. I'm seeing me, but not. If that makes sense. It's seeing these...things on my chest, and feeling like they don't belong there. It's a desperation for the world to see you as you really are, but they are blinded by the flesh that is all wrong. For me, dysphoria is depression, moodiness/major mood swings, high sensitivity, and crippling social anxiety.
     
  4. Awesome_trans_girl13

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    Dystorphya to me is looking in the mirror and realizing, i dont have breasts, hips, long hair, smooth face, dystorphya is like drowning but you can look around and see that everyone is breathing. To me its taking an image of youself but its a different person that what you feel. And it makes you feel sad, broken, angry, and confused.
     
  5. Folieadeux

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    I by no means suffer from major dysphoria myself, but sometimes it can be pretty bad.
    Social dysphoria is hell though, and I get either surges of anger when someone calls me she/her/girl, and when I am lumped together with girls, etc, or a numb, depressed feeling.

    My body dysphoria is usually just feeling really distressed and confused on why I look this way, and a general blah feeling, but sometimes I feel almost none.

    I've never experienced horrible dysphoria, so I can only imagine how painful it must be for some. </3
     
  6. Acm

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    I find it really hard to explain but it's just this horrible crushing feeling where I just want to destroy my whole body because it's all wrong and I just feel trapped. When I look in the mirror, I don't recognize myself. It's horrible and it never goes away completely. Some days are better than others, but it's always there. My social dysphoria is slightly more manageable, but I feel like it's been worse lately. I hate being referred to as a girl, I hate when people make comments about me being a girl.
     
  7. RainDreamer

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    Dysphoria is like the darkness behind your eyelids, the shadow under your feet, the void between sleeping and waking. It is always there, it never goes away, you can avoid it, but you can't escape it.

    It is not a monster. It is not a violent force. It is just a lingering presence, like a poison in the air, invisible yet pervasive, that sometimes, suddenly and without warning, seize your hearts and make you choke. Gentle hands ever so slowly squeezing tighter and tighter on your throat until you are unable to breath.

    And you can't do anything about it. You can't stop its creeping fingers into your mind. You can't stop it from touching you, silently molesting you, laying you bare, naked and vulnerable for the cruelty of the world to rip you apart, making you its plaything.

    It turns your flesh to a prison. It bounds your soul with barbed wires of desire and fear. It makes you a slave to your body and yet it punish you with self-hatred if you comply. It whispers to you thoughts you don't want to think. It makes you painfully aware of your position, an innocent convict for the unfair crime of being born, and your atonement is to suffer.

    Under its influence, you will see no way out. None, save for one. The only thing left in control that a powerless prisoner can exert their power on: Their own life. And how much temptation there is, for the promise of freedom!



    Still, it is not impossible to fight against it. All you need is a light. A single shimmer of hope. That light might trampled on by other ignorant people who thought your light is too bright for them. But never let go, never let it extinguished, because as long as you have it, dysphoria can't bring you down. As long as it shines, you can navigate through the darkness. Use it as a signal, so you can see others like you, and realized you are not alone. And perhaps one day, we can all use our lights to keep each other's darkness away.
     
  8. AsheTheHuman

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    Dysphoria is like being born in a cave and then left to wander. You don't know what's wrong, but you can sense that something is. So you wander. You try different things over and over again hoping to find a solution. Nothing works. The confusion- the pain- is still there. One day though, you see light. It's a small glimmer. But you chase it. It's so so obvious. This. This is what was missing. You run. You see the exit and the sun. And then- wham- an invisible wall. Suddenly, you find yourself in a maze of them. You find yourself constantly banging into them as you scramble towards the light. You finally know what's wrong. You know what you need now. But life has made the process of getting to that light a cruel joke, full of hoops to jump through and hurdles to leap over. You start to wonder if you'll ever reach the light...
     
  9. TacobellKFC

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    a horrible feeling that comes in waves, but at the same time somthing that doesn't go away, it can make you feel like your disgusting, hopeless and alone.
     
  10. anonym

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    I think I've said this in another thread but anger, depression, frustration, anxiety. The more I feel male and try to look male, the stronger it gets, especially the anxiety. The tiniest details that you don't even think of all that much, like the softness of my skin, all of a sudden becomes all I am aware of and I can't escape it. It's my own body. If I don't close my eyes in the shower I feel a panic attack coming on. Whenever I socialize and unconsciously end up 'playing' female, I leave feeling angry with myself for having fallen in that trap and angry that people can't 'see' me.
     
  11. Kaiser

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    To copy and paste from elsewhere:


    And sometimes, you're just chilling, enjoying life, and then dysphoria says...


    [​IMG]


    "TRYIN' TO HAVE A GOOD DAY -- NOT WHILE I'M HERE! LAWL~!!!"​
     
  12. Christina Kay

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    Playing a role , and can't wait to take of the costume. But you can't take off the costume. That's where the loathing, and depression step in. Knowing your not the role your playing.
     
  13. Fluid Falek

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    They say when people lose a limb, they still sometimes have the sensation of it being there. That's the "phantom limb" phenomenon you hear about. It's like that for me, but I never had that missing limb, my male bits, to start. I get anxious and depressed, like I'm going out of my mind and nothing will ever be right in the world again. It's all I can think of when I'm experiencing it.
     
  14. Queero

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    *Wakes up, sees the sun shining* "Oh, my tits haven't packed up and left yet?"

    Seriously though, it's just very, very uncomfortable. I could maybe shut up and deal for the time being if it was solely physical, but the social part too...

    Whenever I'm placed in a group that is supposed to be "all girls/women", whenever anybody tells me I'll make a good mother, or wife, when my cousin refers to me as "chica", or when people call me "ma'am". All horrible feelings, I hate it so much.

    It comes in crashing waves, hardly giving me any air, I struggle for breath. And then it will ease and calm for a time. Dysphoria's a nasty bitch.
     
  15. SamThes

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    Depends on the day. Some days, it's being unable to do basic things like shower because I start to panic over the body parts I shouldn't have. Walking around with a giant sweatshirt and my arms crossed over my chest because that at least somewhat hides the fact that there are weird monstrosities there that don't belong there.

    It's also social situations... I can't stand being put in situations where I'm expected to be feminine. When I still went to church, the last hour was split into men's and women's classes, and I was expected to go the women's, and I felt oddly anxious the whole time. Or angry. And using the women's restroom... lol, I freak out so much over the thought of being seen in there that if I know someone else is in there, I hide in my stall until I know they've left.

    And even on the better days, when it isn't driving me completely crazy and I almost forget about it, there's this sense of disconnect, like something isn't right. People don't know the real me, and they still call me by my birth name, and I don't connect that to myself. I feel like they're talking to and about someone else. Everything feminine that I still do out of self-preservation and trying to keep myself in the closet for just a little bit longer feels odd, like it's not me that's doing it.
     
  16. Xirahii

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    With me, the worst dysphoria seems to like to go on vacation at times, and then it returns with a gusto. It's less like a slap in the face and more like a knife being twisted into my very soul. It's not a sudden pain that makes me limp through the day, but a long-term, gradual bleeding out of my happiness that's only relieved when my brain "gets tired of it." It's sort of like hitting the "mute" button on it. It's still there, but I'm doing my best to tune out because I always reason to myself that it's unproductive to be in that state of mind without distracting myself with more productive things. Because of living conditions (which aren't that bad tbh, but my area has "conservative" written all over it), being myself is a lot easier said than done.

    At its worst, I'm unable to function beyond escaping the stress/anxiety via gaming all day (preferably something with superb character customization), and I place particular emphasis on looking at as little of myself as possible. Or I can't even do that and I nap.

    At its best, it's still lingering there, but I'm more apathetic to it because I understand that as long as I know who I am, it will be okay, and that gets me through the day. It's being recognized as such by society that's the hurdle to overcome.
     
  17. DarkWolf

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    It's this constant feeling that there is something wrong about my body. It's this overwhelming feeling that this isn't right, my body shouldn't be curved and shaped this way. And every time I receive a reminder it depresses me, I become desperate for change. It's trying to ignore it and pretending I'm male bodied to ease my mind but I can't escape. It's a feeling of hopelessness that I just want to end.
     
  18. EraseMeElysion

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    Dysphoria is wanting to be completely alone and isolating yourself because people continuously use the wrong name and pronouns. Dysphoria is a sense of self loathing and being "wrong", not making sense to people is a constant source of pain for me. Dysphoria is the root cause of my eating disorder, stress, anxiety and depression.
     
  19. Tardis221B

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    For me it depends on the day, normally I start out in an okay mood. I'm pretty dissaoctive from my physical body so physical dysphoria isn't as bad for me, its more soical & emotional that get to me. Heres' something I wrote that describes how I cope with dysphoria every morning on my walk to the tram:

     
  20. restlesssnake

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    I imagine I'm an ancient male warrior with a spear and shield. My imagined self is proudly wearing a brightly-patterned loincloth, has long, virile hair, powerful muscles, legs and arms as thick as trees, and has hair everywhere. He calmly stares into the sun, facing insurmountable obstacles with serene strength and unshakeable focus. When he speaks, his voice thunders across the fields.

    I drift out of dreaming, confronted with who I am---an emasculated boy in the shape of a woman.