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Getting my head around it

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by dano218, Mar 7, 2015.

  1. dano218

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    Two weeks ago my boyfriend passed away suddenly of a natural causes. i found him in the morning just gone in his sleep. He got sick out of blue and did not know what was wrong with him. He wouldn't eat and just slept for four days. He just thought he would get better. If only he went to the doctor I keep thinking he could still be alive. I wish I could see the autopsy results but of course I am too afraid to ask his family about it. It is just hard to wrap my head around it.
     
  2. Aro

    Aro
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    That is awful. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I am sure it will take time and a lot of understanding to get through it. Please feel free to talk to me if you ever need to chat with someone for a while. I know how hard loss can be, especially in the manner that you found it. Give yourself whatever time and space you require. My condolences. Take care of yourself and stay safe.
     
  3. JackAttack

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    Im so sorry for your loss, I cannot begin to imagine what you are going through right now. Look after yourself and try to take things easy. It might be a good idea to get some counselling to help you through this tough time.
     
  4. lostluvr

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    wow im so sorry dano218...u must be going thru a really rough time..i like jackattack said cant even begin to imagine what ur going thru..ive never even had anybody close to me die let alone the person i loved..im sure with time everything will start to clear up and not feel so unreal..i guess the only thing i can suggest is to allow urself to grieve..dont suppress it..im really sorry for ur loss..take care
     
  5. dano218

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    Thanks for the all support. Even though it hard to deal with I would really want to see the autopsy information or at least know about it. I want to understand how he died because it was so sudden and bizarre.
     
  6. PatrickUK

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    When someone dies we experience a whole range of feelings and emotions Dano and there is no clear time frame for moving beyond it all. We have the initial shock and pain, but we may also experience feelings of guilt, anger, longing and depression. Sometimes it can hit us like a tidal wave.

    It's normal to reflect and ask ourselves if we could have done more - it's part and parcel of the grieving process (I have been there myself). In time the questioning and rawness of emotion does subside, but nobody can tell you how or when it will happen. Give yourself time and space and please do keep talking about your feelings. If you feel as though you are getting trapped in a long cycle of grieving it may indeed be worth considering bereavement counselling.
     
  7. dano218

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    Thanks for the amazing words of support. I am doing ok. It is of course just hard dealing with the shock and major changes that had to be made after he died. I just wish I had the legal rights to know exactly how he died. It would give me some closure. I wish I had the bravery to ask his parents for that information.
     
  8. PatrickUK

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    If I remember correctly, you told us that his parents thought of you as his friend and housemate Dano, in which case it wouldn't seem unreasonable for you to casually enquire about the precise cause of death. It was you who found him that morning and it's only natural that you should wonder why he died. Do you think they would object to a 'casual enquiry'?
     
  9. dano218

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    Ok. I don't know what their attitude would be about sharing that information with me. How should I politely go about asking them?
     
  10. PatrickUK

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    I would just be honest and polite. Apart from a few days of illness he otherwise seemed to be fine to you, so I would simply state that it was a shock to find him that morning and that it's been on your mind ever since. It's to be expected that you would feel unsettled by it and wonder what caused an otherwise healthy man to suddenly die. I really don't think it's unreasonable for you to ask Dano, it may even seem odd if you don't.
     
  11. dano218

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    Ok thanks you very much!