It's my mum's birthday coming up and I'm unsure what to do about giving a gift and it will be the same with all members of my family this year so I could use some advice. On my last birthday and this Christmas just gone, my parents did give me a card and gifts, though refused to acknowledge my gender by choice of what they chose for me. My brother and sister didn't even send me a card, let alone a gift. They didn't even sign my parents' card or say Happy Birthday/Merry Christmas. They didn't even speak to me. Even though I know I don't really have a relationship with anyone in my family anymore, I still got them gifts for Christmas because we were spending the day together and I thought it would be bad of me not to. I was half expecting them to throw them back in my face but they didn't. I feel like I don't really know them anymore and what they're into so I got them gift cards for their favorite shops. I also felt this was a wise choice to keep the atmosphere sweet because if I got my brother or parents gifts that they liked and had to unwrap, my sister wouldn't like that at all. Anytime I'm talking to my mum, she talks over the top of me. She often plans family events for my mum, brother and herself to which I'm not invited and sometimes, I will have to eat my dinner separate from her and my mum and with my dad instead (who they all hate but are happy to sponge off financially). I think my sister must be really angry with me for being trans because she grew up thinking I was her sister (even though we never really got along) and thinks it's wrong that we used to share a bedroom. This saddens me because it wasn't as though I knew I was trans until the last couple of years and never was I some kind of pervert. Anyway, it's my mum's birthday coming up and although we don't really get along, I had some ideas of what to buy her but then I thought about how my sister will react to me giving her presents. Most likely she (my sister) will want to take my mum out for the day with my brother and both their partners. So I think the best thing for me to do would be to just get her a card and voucher again so it's no big deal and just ignore what is clearly some kind of jealousy going on. The less of a fuss I make about being left out the more they'll see it's not working and they can't play with my emotions. Is this the right thing to do though? Also, I will have to repeat the same with my dad's birthday for the same reasons. That goes without saying. But what about when it comes to my brother's and sister's birthday? Do I continue to send cards and gifts or vouchers or do I treat them the same way they treat me and give nothing? What will give the better message?
Always better to continue treating people as well as you can. They should come around eventually if you do.
