Looking for some feedback lol I see a field of forbidden flowers Blowing in the breeze The thought of having to pick one brings me to my knees My own flower is grasped firmly I hold it in my hand They say the flower is evil I do not understand Touching my petals is forbidden To touch another's more so Do I take the chance to find my love? Or am I to let it go? Do I hold my flower tightly? Util it starts to wilt Or do I trade it for another? And live with all the guilt I look at all the flowers I sit and wonder why Though I think I might be waiting Until the day I die
I'm not really used to english poetry... But well, it's good The metaphor's original I think and makes sense. I love it.
I like the idea of; "a field of forbidden flowers Blowing in the breeze" it makes an interesting mental picture. Your poem is very good, really, I enjoyed it and identify with it.
It's likely that Everfalling is using a flower to symbolise her virginity / first time with a woman / sexuality. She's asking whether to embrace a sexual experience with a woman even though people are saying that's wrong/evil and feel guilty or whether to ignore her sexuality and let it fade. The forbidden flowers are women she's attracted to. I think there are great ideas there and you've built the imagery. Like Coffee Guy I can identify with the feelings, at least at one time in my life. Nowadays I would just like a chance at one of the forbidden flowers! Some constructive criticism might be - perhaps don't worry too much about rhyming, some of the best poems don't rhyme and some of the imagery might work better without rhyme. Overall a good poem that got us thinking!
I love it. The imagery is clear and the metaphor makes sense. I can strongly relate to it, as all I want to do is embrace a "forbidden flower."
I think the metaphor was pretty clear. To deflower means to have sex with a virgin. And flower petals can sometimes resemble female body parts (as in a Georgia O'Keeffe painting), although I prefer the stamen myself. These days, even if you lose your flower, you can still get it back with some flower rejuvenation surgery.
yea i thought thats what it meant but i was thrown off when she said " do i trade it for another" how does one do that..
Well... It's a way to say that one's having sex :s They had a virgin flower, and they traded it for a non virgin one (it ain't really trading, it's more like the virgin flower became the later one) and thus one would live with the guilt of this trade.
Mother Nature I was raised from my mother, quite a wonderful wonder. “She was as frivolous as a heart, a heart of tart”. I was raised from my brothers from other mothers. From others to mothers, no one beats my brothers. “Brothers in humanity”. One another. Wether white as a kite, black as a bat, asian as cajun, naori as Naomi, or arab as Sarah. We are all brothers and sisters raised by mothers. I was raised from my mother, quite a wonderful wonder. “She was as frivolous as a heart, a heart of tart”. I was raised from my brothers from other mothers. From others to mothers, no one beats my brothers. “Brothers in humanity”. I was raised from my mother. Mother Nature. -Mason E. Hofer
