Did you always know you were gay?

Nope, not at all. I only figured it out at about 12, but then, when I look back I my childhood, I realised I always had crushes on female characters in tv shows etc, and that my feelings toward some of my female friends were not entirely platonic

 

If I had been honest with myself, I'd have known I was gay since I was a teenager. Thanks to denial, repression, and simply aviiding the whole topic of romantic relationships, I'm 47 and just recently accepted and acknowledged my sexuality- still not out to anyone but my therapist.

 

Well we are close to the same age and when I read that book I had the same reaction as you. I didn't realize until much later that I too was actually thinking about giving rather than receiving. I just couldn't stop reading that book. Great memories.

 

I decided that everyone is gay but more than half the people don't know it. Some of us know it, as I did, but ignored it and tried to be different than we were. I don't know why since everyone in my life was basically liberal. I wouldn't have been shut out of my family, I'm sure. Now at 58 I really know I'm gay, behaved contrary to this truth for 30 years, and now believe that the answer to all my current troubles would be to come out more completely and totally but I am stuck.

 

Denied it and lived a hetero life for many years.

I had an incline around college when had feelings for some friends but couldn't admit it was sexual. Chalked it up to needing emotional closeness. Finally, at age 40 I couldn't fake it anymore. Still haven't kissed a girl but at least I'm experiencing authentic feelings now.

 

I've always suspected I was. But I did like the opposite sex as well. So, it was confusing for along time for me. I wish I was totally one way or another just for clarity's sake.

 

I have been harboring my identity for years and ignored crushes, some of them so major i got sick when i couldn't act on them and only came out when i fell for a friend of mine, the Girl; a gorgeous butch with a rare charismatic personality. I ve unconsciously made the decision not to follow my preference years ago since it's not easy where i live and how i was brought up and my current complicated. But knowing what it's like to love someone and the fulfillment of embracing who I was I know now there s no way I can repress it.
I ve know the Girl a couple of years now and have known about her sexuality almost a year ago, and slowly but gradually a few months after her coming out to me my heart decided to take decisions for me and fall in love with her. God knows I tried to stop it, but her face and voice followed me everywhere, I tried to forget, I tried to convince myself it's just a passing crush but no doing. After six months of frustration and untold feelings, about 5 weeks ago she messaged me she was going on a date with woman to test the waters. I couldn't keep it to myself by then I blurted it all out and not easily, gave her the shock of the year. I felt horrible, I was terrified I ve ruined a friendship I ve grown to love, I was facing feelings that were boiling beneath the surface for years.
I m glad it was her and not someone else, we talked things through explaining why it took me so long to come out to her and time she needs to process it, when and if there is a potential thing for us here is another story, but this is my proper coming out

 

I feel like I didn't know I was "bi" at a young age but I do remember being around 9 years old watching a James Bond film and playing a video game and being like- Nina is kind of attractive, I wonder if I could be with her? and then I denied it... I remember also being like why am I not understanding sexual attraction to guys when all the other girls do.. haha.. My friend came out as "not completely straight" at a retreat and I was like.. you know.. I think I want to kiss girls.. it wasn't until I had my first kiss with a girl and I was like wow, that was magical!! that I kinda began to understand my sexual attraction more to my own gender more

 

yes, i always know i was gay since i was 14 (i was 13 when start questioning and came to realization and self acceptance at 14). Right now i'm only pretending to like girls and try my best have hetero relationship to satisfy my parent needs and my personal safety...

 

I am in my mid 40s now and can honestly say I had no clue I might even be gay or bi until about a year ago, despite having always fantasised about guys since my teens and gradually through my 20s and 30s getting less interested in women and almost exclusively into guys now.That said I still can't really come to terms with myself... the denial seems to be sub conscious but always there...

 

I knew at age 10 is was "different" than the other boys in the neighborhood. Around age 11 I knew I liked boys. At age 12 I had a horrible event happen that I may or may not talk about later and became very scared and depressed.

As puberty set in I started to gain weight an I got bullied in school. So being tbe late 70's and to protect my feelings I walked into the closet where I stayed for almost 40 years.

Time after time I would find ways to convince myself that I didn't have to be gay. That worked well. NOT.

Finally last year after some medical issues I finally came to terms with who I am and started to embrace the "REAL" me. The "Gay" me who's been there since I've been 10 years old.

 

I felt something different with me. In third grade, I started to like girls, but I didn't understand it. A few years ago, I finally figured it out

 

I think I always knew. Though teenage years did a lot to confuse me, since I had some brief sexual encounters with other boys who then grew up to be straight. I thought it was all about blowing steam, that it was normal and just a transition to 'straightness', but maybe they weren't enjoying it as much as I was... I guess by the age of 16 when I had to force myself not to gawk at fit men, when I noticed what my eyes were looking at when watching straight porn, I knew. The problem for a long time after that was that I 'didn't want to know it'...

I wonder myself if many people out there are gay/bi or if I just want to add up number to make me fell 'less alone'. I came across an opinion article about the grounds for homophobia and the fragility of heterosexuality (maybe here, apologies if it's a repost but sometimes my brain goes into information overload) which definitely made me think that if people were more free to explore their sexuality without the fear of stigmatisation the number of self-identified gay/bi people would probably be much higher.

 

No. I don't know if it's just my denial or fear that caused me too late to realize it. I knew I like girls when I was 11 and even told my mother I want to be with a girl when she kept on telling me to not have boyfriends when still studying. I came out as bi to some friends in my early 20s, went back in the closet a few years after that and tried to become straight. Then came out again as bi before fully realizing and accepting I'm gay.

 

So found myself attracted (in a non sexual way) to a boy when I was about 13. He was a year older than me but in the same year at high school. He was very 'developed' :icon_redf and when he got changed for swimming or physical ed I found my eyes drawn down there! He was so confident, looked hot and I just thought he was amazing. So he was probably the first male that triggered the feelings. There were other boys at high school that I liked the look of and but there were also girls I liked too. In some ways I did it to conform (not that I thought that at the time) but looking back that's what it was.

Right through teens and into late teens I'd head out to clubs and pubs and see guys that I was attracted to but never once did I think that I was gay or would ever explore that. I just put it down to fantasy or crushes.

Yep - and look where that got me. 40 and falling for a guy and suddenly <BANG> the world is turned upside down and I'm now living life as a gay man with a bf... Funny old world...

Regrets? Oh, plenty. Regretting hurting my loving, kind and gentle wife and causing her so much distress, pain and fear. Regretting not being honest with myself and thinking of all the guys I could've experienced and life I didn't have. BUT, to have done it any other way would mean I wouldn't be the person I am today. I wouldn't have had children, experienced the years of closeness with my wife and family and if I had to choose between that and living the life that I could've then I wouldn't change a thing.

 

No I didn't

 

I knew i was different from an early age never been a girly girl or anything like that always hated high heels nearly everything related to a woman.

I didn't start questioning it until a (gay) male best friend was asking me what i was (Bi,gay etc) Long story short i was explaining to him that i was more confused although i did feel aroused by "frisky" pictures of women but always felt it was wrong. He said to me that he thought i'm gay. So after about an hour of telling him he helped me to accept that im gay

So in a way i did know i was different but i just didn't start questioning it until recently ish