Preparing for something bigger

In a sense, I am kinda going through the same thing but I don't have a man in my life. So I would just practice so there won't be any pain. It hurts when I start moving right off the bat, so I usually just "sit" on it for a bit till I am use to it. Usually five minutes every time. Even penetration will hurt when I try with the toy... but I manage after a few tries. Sometimes the correct lube will also be handy. For me, I use this Swiss Navy Cooling Mint Water Based lube and it really does soothe. But even that might not work for you. There is also anal desensitizers but I am not so sure about those. They might cause more harm to the anus than good. I was doing some reading on a few of the products. After all, sex toys, lubes, and anal desensitizers aren't regulated, monitored, or enforced by the FDA or any other government agencies related to health. They may be on the market for the consumers... but that doesn't mean it's good for you. Just tossing ideas out there.

 

I think that you're right about working yourself up for it, rather than just jumping into it and getting a lot of pain. have you also considered dildos? that is a good way to get a more realistic experience of what it's like. I think a combination of the two is good, but don't rush it. it takes a while to get comfortable. start small, work your way up. I'm not sure what the advantage is of having it in for 8 hours instead of 2, for example. don't push yourself beyond what feels comfortable, or at least just somewhat uncomfortable. and don't push past pain.

 

Pain for bottoms often arises from the top pushing, or forcing his way inside and going deep immediately.

If you are bottoming, help your boyfriend or partner to enter you by pushing out, in much the same way as taking a bowel movement. If you have already been to the toilet and showered, there should be no mess. You can practice with dildo's and butt plugs and you should notice a difference providing plenty of lube is used.

When it comes to sex always encourage your bf/partner to enter you slowly and gradually and relax and rest a while when he is fully inside. If he goes in balls deep straight away (even slowly) it may hurt and leave you feeling sore.

I don't know if this helps, but it wasn't mentioned in your posting.

 

Part of the issue could be how often you're doing it, since you're not getting a lot of 'practice' in. But I'd like to focus for a moment on something else you said here.

You mention that the first two times you were able to 'bear the discomfort'. What exactly are we talking about here? Do you mean a level of discomfort equivalent to someone (for example) gripping your bicep so hard that it's somewhat uncomfortable, but then they stop...or some level of shooting pain that you kind of powered through, either until it went away or for the duration of the sex? Also, was there a point at which bottoming started to actually feel good (with no pain at all), possibly to the point of you orgasming, or something else?

I ask, because if you're experiencing some level of pain/discomfort that you're 'bearing' during anal, then at some level your mind is likely to want to avoid that and could be causing you to tense up when your BF is trying to penetrate you.

As far as what you might do about it, you've mentioned buttplugs, which may work, but you might also consider prostate stimulators and dildos. Both are readily purchased on line (Amazon carries everything these days) and by starting with a stimulator you can get used to something that is more finger width than penis width. Once you get comfortable with that, you might move up to a dildo that is around the same size as your BF or, if he's really extra large, perhaps an 'average' size dildo followed by something approximating his dimensions. You might also start out by using these toys in private (so you aren't feeling any pressure or potential embarrassment) and then move to having your BF use them on you (if you wish), then eventually move to him penetrating you.

The point of all this is to hopefully give you a fully pleasurable experience that will start to train your mind and body that being penetrated can feel good (really it shouldn't hurt at all), both in the act itself and in the results. You can also use it as an opportunity to learn to relax and allow yourself to be penetrated without the pressure of another person there (at least at first). If/when you start associating penetration with pleasant (or better yet, really wonderful) sensations, your body and mind should be much more open to the prospect of your BF penetrating you since they will associate the act with feeling good. All this can take a bit of time, of course, but I can think of worse ways to kill an evening.

Finally, and just for sake of completeness, I would point out that not all gay guys are into anal. I don't know your background so obviously can't have a strong sense one way or the other. But just throwing that out there as well as another possibility to consider.

Hope this helps,

Todd

 

I must agree with Todd and Patrick. My first experience in bottoming, he forced himself in very deep. It hurt. He probably didn't use enough lube.

In the past few years, I have purchased prostate stimulators and even a huge dildo. Haven't bottomed in awhile except with a thin jelly vibe. It just keeps it toned down there.

You mentioned anal-ease, but this is NOT a good idea! My fwb tried this once, and I didn't know how much I hurt until the next day. Those nerve endings are there for a reason, so don't desensitize them. They signal to your brain when you have pain. I have mild hemorrhoids(sorry if TMI), but I can always feel something is wrong just before I have mild and rare bleeding.

Anyways, I strong recommend an anal T prostate massager to get some pleasurable association down there. Then, you can work up to a bigger dildo(just don't get too thick, only get 1.5 inch max width).

 

If you carry on experimenting with the toys it should help you get more used to it and increase your self awareness, but don't push yourself too far. The idea is to experience pleasure with no pain or discomfort. If there is discomfort take a break, relax and apply more lube before trying again.

With more practice and sexual experience I'm sure you will both overcome the current issues. A kind, patient boyfriend will certainly help a lot.

 

wow, that is SO true. I definitely can agree with that. And so you know that the motivation is for getting your body used to this. Just be patient, continue to work with him and with the toys. Also, I find sometimes that there is that initial burn, but if he pulls back and waits just about 30 seconds, or sometimes even pulls out and then reenters, that it doesn't hurt at all. It's the rushing things in the beginning that can be bad, but when you have sex like that and feel no pain, it is the most phenomenal feeling. It isn't just the physical sensations (which are great, and can even bring on an orgasm all by itself) but that closeness that you talk about, that feeling of bonding, of unity, that feeling like your vision and your whole being gets just warm and fuzzy. good luck!

 

IMHO you should avoid sleeping with butt-plug in. A butt-plug held to long inside may create an urge to defecate. It's better to not to be asleep. Moreover. I guess buttplugs or other toys should be used for a fully controlled amount of time.

 

at a minimum, the first time you sleep with a butt plug you may have dreams that you need to take a dump.

 

One of the main issues with anal sex and butt plugs/dildos is dealing with the body's tendency to eliminate waste through the intestines. The act of passing fecal matter is dependent upon peristaltic contractions. (I'm not a doctor by the way). When something is inserted into the anus it may trigger involuntary contractions, thus making anal intercourse somewhat uncomfortable. Also, it may trigger contractions that produce more fecal matter from within - no matter how much douching you do before hand. Combine this with the size of what's being inserted and you may end up with a prolapsed colon (insides sticking out). This combination may exacerbate internal conditions such as internal hemorrhoids and other ailments. If you desire to take a large penis, it is essential that you be relaxed and well lubricated. I find water-based lubes that last a while better than vaseline or even silicone lubes. I also take a large penis while I am on my knees - makes insertion easier. Among the risks you take as you get older is that the skin at the anus is not as elastic as it was when we were younger, and is likely to tear. The cost of pleasure is often pain unfortunately. It would be ideal to find someone who is large enough to give you both pleasure. Hope you find this useful information.