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Why the age gap in knowing your LGBTQ?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by black-cat, Feb 19, 2015.

  1. black-cat

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    How come some people know their sexuality for sure by 10/11 years old, and others don't know until their 40-50's?

    How come some people are still questioning their gender identity at 40, and some are sure of who they are (trans*, cis or in between) by their teenage years?



    I really hope this thread isn't offensive or demeaning in any way....but I am so curious as to why there is such HUGE gaps in the ages of knowing, but also coming out and accepting yourself. I don't understand it.

    Why?
     
    #1 black-cat, Feb 19, 2015
    Last edited: Feb 19, 2015
  2. Yosia

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    I have wondered this too, I guess it's because some people don't really consider it until they are older and/or could be in denial for a long time. ^^
     
  3. Michael

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    Denial fuelled by a homophobic enviroment.
    In the case of gender, the denial is also fuelled by being unaware of solutions to the problem, as well as internalized homophia and shame for being different.
     
  4. greatwhale

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    If things were black or white, within a clear binary, then it would seem rather odd that people only realize their true orientation later in life.

    But things are never so simple. If you add-in confusing factors such as a spectrum of sexuality (no one is ever 100% gay or straight), and then sexual fluidity (changing over time), combined with societal influences (which themselves are constantly changing); you end up with the ingredients for a highly variable timeframe for coming out.

    I have often asked gay guys how they knew so young (a little enviously) and every one told me that, for them, there was no other option, it was simply too strong and too obvious. This was not the case for me.
     
  5. black-cat

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    In denial for 20-30+ years though? I understand the homophobic environment, but being in denial for 7 years was bad enough, never mind decades of it.
     
  6. greatwhale

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    When one enters into a marriage followed by kids, denial becomes only part of the problem.
     
  7. dano218

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    I think it is probably a generational thing. People who are in their forties and fifties grew up in the seventies and eighties where being gay was less acceptable and did not even think about being attracted to the same sex.

    But know their is the internet and other resources where people realize their sexuality at really young ages and more people are accepting of gay people now so it makes it easier to realize your orientation and to come out. Not that is true for everyone there still is a lot of progress to be made when it comes to family acceptance or community acceptance in some towns and cities where people don't have the opportunity to come out or realize their orientation.
     
  8. White Knight

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    Knowing you are gay is something, accepting it... being able to embrace it is another.

    Sometimes we are our worst enemies. Times and cultures changed so it can look a bit weird for youth of today... you guys probably think cell phones were always part of our lives... In my younger days not even every house had a phone, a color TV (the tube ones... not flatscreens or plasma)... times and society changes so fast.

    Media made people aware of many things... for most of us probably only gays we know are those campy queens whom everyone scron, belittle and mock... it was too easy to think you are one of a kind... a complete anomaly in world of "normal" people.
     
  9. TheStormInside

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    There are a lot of factors. I agree with those who have said in part it is a generational thing. Just 10, 20, 30 years ago it was far less acceptable to be gay. When I was a young teenager I didn't even know what "gay" was, so it didn't seem an option for me. When I did learn about homosexuality it was always in a negative and stereotyped context, so, "it couldn't be me" was the prevailing thought. Then, there are personal issues, as well. For a long time I was consumed by mental and physical health issues and dealing with that was a priority over personal life and relationships. Of course, were I more self aware I would probably have understood a lot of my emotional issues *are* tied to being gay and repressing that. Sometimes, it just takes someone longer to get there than it does others.
     
  10. Eveline

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    It comes down to subjective experience. People often have no frame of reference in which to compare the feelings that they have for each gender. Maybe everyone feels as they do about the same sex and aren't really attracted to the opposite. Remember that most people start off their lives as friends with people of the same sex, not the opposite. What makes the situation even more confusing is that gay men or women will often feel comfortable forming friendships with people of the opposite sex which might create the illusion of attraction.
     
  11. White Knight

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    Ah that reminds me how dismissed/diminished lesbians on general cultures of those years. This is probably why we have "gay" rights or "gay" agenda. Lesbianism always thought as "fantasy" or a thing women do when they don't have a man in their life... I love how this male-centric society tailor everything based on white straight male behavior...

    Anyway kinda get of track...

    Back in track just by saying, on 60s-70s, even in USA being gay considered as a mental illness.
     
  12. jay777

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    There is a saying that people from a certain age on start to become more wise...
    Especially for males, imo hormonal peaks start to recede from 30 on, allowing for a more balanced personality, and for a more integrated approach.
    And there might be a bit of a shifting from the outside world to the inside world.
     
  13. C P

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    Although I'm obviously not someone who is in their 30s/40s and older, I still feel weird about my own discovery and why it was (imo; will detail in a sec) so late. I didn't realize where my attractions were until I was ~ 20, and I just don't get it.

    I wasn't even in denial...I was just simply oblivious to/unaware of it all. I was raised as straight so I guess just went with that because I didn't really show genuine interest in anyone beyond a friendship during my childhood years anyways.

    It makes it even more bizarre when I go through some pics of people I went to school with(particularly older ones) and think to myself 'how the hell did I not realize this stuff sooner?!' when I notice 'cuteness' or whatever... .-.

    I think you may have a point here though. Even though I wasn't really interested in anyone outside of a platonic pov, this could have just furthered the illusion of being straight since, like most others, I was just brought up as such and didn't have much room to think otherwise.
     
  14. antibinary

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    I didn't know I could be trans till like, 6 months ago.
     
  15. black-cat

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    I obviously knew the history and troubles the LGBTQ community have had, even as little as 10-15 years ago, but I guess it is just so hard to fathom it into every day life when I have grown up in a community that is so accepting of us all.

    ---------- Post added 19th Feb 2015 at 06:30 PM ----------

    How old are you, may I ask? I have known about trans* people since I was around 8.
     
    #15 black-cat, Feb 19, 2015
    Last edited: Feb 19, 2015
  16. GrumpyOldLady

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    This. When I was growing up, being gay was considered extremely abnormal, we only heard about the stereotypes. There was no Internet to look things up, or find out that there are other, completely normal people just like yourself. There was only what we could find in the library, and no one wanted to get caught in the LGBT section, assuming one even existed, and was accessible for people under 18. I didn't even know trans* people existed outside of drag queens. Even celebrities who were obviously gay denied it. When Ellen came out in 1997, it was a really big deal.
     
  17. chocolate dream

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    Everybody is different.Some people dont even realise until they are older.
     
  18. Fallingdown7

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    I think It's mostly a generation thing. Being gay wasn't as accepted back then so more people were led to believe they had to be straight since It's all they ever knew.
     
  19. FlamingPenguin

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    It definitely depends on the environment you grow up in. I didn't accept or realize I was Bi until i was in college, but looking back on my childhood I very easily could have came out my freshman year.
     
  20. sam the man

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    I would say there's just so many variables at work it's hardly surprising. In terms of sexuality itself, you have fluidity, sexuality as a continuum, different types of attraction... add on to that a person's personality (like how willing they are to experiment, how cautious they are in making decisions etc.), the experiences they have, their cultural environment etc. The list could go on. There are dozens of factors at play as to when someone might realise or accept, so I'd just say it's a complex web of factors which can yield a variety of results with regard to when people realise.