Do you think about "the one that got away"?

I'm deeply pining for the man I broke up with in November. I've reached out to him, his reaction is one of don't re open my deep wounds. Of course it didn't come out of no where - he had shut down communicating with me in an area that caused me to lose trust and feel unsafe with him. Still I think if we took it slow - we wouldn't repeat my mistakes, his mistakes again.

Dated several guys since... And none come remotely close to the chemistry we had... In and out of bed..

Sigh. / p

 

Beautiful! I will need to keep this in mind.

The first female I feel head over heels for was the one I kept thinking about everyone once in a while even after FIVE years, I still have dreams about her, which I honestly have no control over my sleep dreams. I recently had one this month, and two weeks later I saw her again! When I saw her I felt like I was back in my early years of high school: clammy hands, heart palpitations, so my butterflies in my stomach that I was getting nauseous, I told myself I won't get better if I don't at least talk to her, so I did and her facial expression was like see saw an old friendly ghost, didn't quiet recognize me but said my name in a form of a question. It was great to see her again, she looks even more beautiful now as a young adult, but we are both busy and neither one of us should pursue dating yet.

What gets me the most about her is that fact that she might not have ever known my true feelings, sometimes there is a hint that she knows and she really likes me too, there were SO many times I wanted to tell her or at least ask her what her preferences are when it came to romance, even kiss her....thing is when I look back at the past like this I disregard all the fun we had! We laughed a lot at each other's jokes and nerdiness, as well a playful flirting. Thing is it doesn't matter if we EVER get together nor does it matter if I should or should not have told her or kissed her, thing is I was still in the closet myself and at least I have validation that I like women and am capable of love and have a possibility of a lovelife and a future partner!

 

puh...

that's sorta the sound I made when I read the question.

Used to pine for her endlessly until a couple years ago. Met someone else who replaced that spot in my heart. Then she went away, but I knew I'd never want to be with my first girlfriend ever again. Barely think about her now at all.

 

It's not the sex that I miss from a relationship, it's the whole romance thing.
I just love taking someone out and giving them the perfect day - it makes me happy to see them enjoying it, and that self satisfaction I get from knowing I've played my part in their happiness.
Candle lit dinners...movies.....country walks....oh yes!

---------- Post added 17th Mar 2015 at 09:14 AM ----------

I don't really think about my ex now at all. However, thinking back, she didn't half look good in that hockey skirt!

 

I think about what could be's because it's natural. I'm glad to move on but it does hurt.