i know these threads are for older people but really who gives a shit about age..i wanted to post cuz this all reminded me of my life..when i was 16 i went to skool with this girl i found very very attractive i thought of her as a godess..the most beautiful woman id ever and would ever lay eyes on.. and she found me attractive as well..she wanted to be with me but i was scared as hell..i think back now and i think thats just what it was..fear..fear for being so close to sumthing that i wanted so bad that i ran..id avoid her and ignore her even tho it was hurting me oh so bad..i didnt mean to its just i was so shy around her i couldnt talk to her..i had to have screwdrivers before skool just to be alittle more open..i was weird i couldnt sit inside the class with her and when i did shed say i looked annoyed and it made me feel stoopid and self concious but neway fast forward..i dropped out of skool and went to adult skool so i wouldnt have to see her cuz i felt she deserved better than me i felt i didnt deserve her..and yea that was the biggest regret of my life...i held on to that suffering for years..girls came and went and she remained on my mind and in my heart..i couldnt erase her..i mean i thought about her everyday of my life till just yea three years ago maybe two..i had kept all her letters she wrote me and i finally burned them like three years ago..and one day after that like maybe a year and a half or two i got a facebook and she friend requested me..i didnt talk to her much but the fact that she friend requested me told me she forgave me for all the stoopid fuked up shit i did..i was able to forgive myself..it felt so good i cried..i didnt have any feelings for her after that..i guess i just did cuz i held on to the idea that she was still the same person as back then but truth is people change even me and ive always thought myself as pretty much the same..but even im different..she got married had a kid then got into drugs and now her current boyfriend maybe new husband is in jail..and she looks like crap..i feel bad for her cuz i thought her to be the most beautiful woman on earth but now i see all of it was like a fantasy in my head..i tried talking to her cuz id like to help her even by just being a friend but she didnt seem interested so i just let go..but i dont hold that regret in my heart anymore..i like to think that there are no goodbyes..the past never ends it just continues when ur back in that situation u left off at..in my case i got closure..there are a few things that i havent had closure from but i guess after that happened with that girl i have closure in knowing that people do change and im changing as well..holding on does no good it only hurts us breaks us down and impedes us from being open to new and better things..things happen for a reason whether its our fault or not..they happen for a reason..im able to see this now..and if it really was meant to be then paths will cross in the future and the changes in between will be in the same direction is how i see it..
Good to have you with us in this forum, lostluvr. Age is not really the factor. The thread titles help us to find kindred spirits, but they are not meant to keep anyone away. I find that I OFTEN post on threads started by and even dominated by people who are WAY younger than I am. What is important is that we share similar experiences and emotions, and that connects us. I think that you are very right about the fact that people change, and that can be a big reason for them "getting away." And it's not just the other person, we change too. But something else that I have learned is that it isn't even always about someone changing, but rather that sometimes we just get to know the person better, they get to know us better, or we get to know ourselves better. And while seeming like change, it's just discovering about who we really are. For example, when I got married at the age of 23, both my wife and I believed that I was straight (despite evidence that should have made me stop and reflect). Now, I know I'm gay. Did I change? Well, obviously not. But I got to know myself better.
Not sure if this counts but it would be my best friend in high school. We even went on a school trip together shared a room. I remember when I introduced him to my mom, it seemed like I was introducing her to my boyfriend. Lost touch after high school but saw him a few months ago at our reunion. Come to find out that he is gay and married to a man. I remember back then being jealous when he had a girlfriend. Oh well, if only we were more aware back then.
It is funny that some people do get stuck on their reminiscences, regrets, failures, grievances, losses, etc but others just have an easy time moving on. I've always ruminated on the past; it's a hard habit to break although it really is not a helpful stance to have.
Amazing story. And you didn't even have a clue back then? There was this one guy in high school with these awesome big puppy dog brown eyes and a great head of hair who I thought had to have been a chick magnet even though he wasn't a jock and wasn't a big or muscular guy. It also turns out that a high school classmate told me he had run into him about 10 or 15 years later and this guy was gay. When I thought about it some more and put some factors together, it sort of made sense. ---------- Post added 17th Feb 2015 at 08:02 PM ---------- I definitely do this, but not as it relates to relationships or "the one that got away." However, I do it a lot and it is definitely a hard habit to break.
I think about the entire gender that "got away" from me, because of how screwed up, homophobic, and repressed our society was when I was a teen. At least it is somewhat better for the kids today.
One of the more curious aspects of coming out to myself was that, in the weeks prior to finally accepting myself as gay, I had recurring memories of all the girls whose advances I had, in one way or another, rejected. I was constantly haunted by the reminiscences of those moments of opportunity where I could have easily had sex with a woman but chose not to. I consider this period to have been a very important step towards self-acceptance, because, until the moment I called myself gay, I looked upon those moments with regret, I saw them as failed opportunities for finding "the right woman"; not understanding that my almost obsessive calling up of these memories was part of the process of understanding myself.
I had a roommate back in the late 90's, and we got along pretty good. We even had "benefits". But I felt a little differently about him than anybody previously. I never had fallen in love before, and I didn't know it until some months after he moved away. After that, I really just didn't care about finding anybody anymore. I just am not the type to put up with all the freeking liars, players, head games, and bullshit. So I just don't.
This sounds familiar. For such a terribly long time, I looked on my lack of experience with women and my general inability to click with them as some terrible failure on my part. When I finally had straight sex for the first time (at 29, for God's sake, with the woman I married a couple years later), I remember feeling as big a sense of relief as anything else, since I finally proved I was desirable and "normal". (And in my mind it also magically cancelled out my 3-year crush on my college roommate, the one sexual experience I had with him, and all the gay porn and fantasies.) As to said roommate, I don't really think of him as "the one who got away" even though he was the closest thing to a "one" that I had up till around a year ago. Although we were inseparable during the school year and I did fantasize about us being boyfriends, I was also very brutally aware that once exams were done, I ceased to exist in his little world until we registered for the next semester and the whole thing started again. He also made it very clear that "if" he was gay (he came out shortly after I graduated), I would not be even remotely his type, and the implication I drew from the way he said it was that I wouldn't be any other guy's type either. I have thought about him occasionally and wondered what became of him, since he's basically fallen off the grid and isn't even Facebook friends with his sister. Mainly, though, I'd love to run into him and let him know that although it took me decades, I'm out and have a wonderful guy who treats me far better than he ever did. (Sometimes the bitchy gay guy kicks in with a vengeance!)
Sorry - I have yet to encounter that one that I regret, although I did have a funny experience today. The first woman I got close to after splitting with my ex-husband (who told me she loved me the day after our first kiss and I told I was no where near ready for a serious relationship despite her insistence that we were perfect for each other) texted me today to say she's getting married in 6 weeks. All I could feel was relief. Definitely no regrets. Now what does that say about me?
My woulda-shoulda-coulda was my best friend in High school. Even today I still think abot him, but I know he most likely doesn't even remember me.
Imagine1313 : There isn't a day that doesn't go by that I don't think about my one sexual partner that got away. I worked so hard to seduce him, even though he told me how he'd like to blow me. We were very close neighbors, and I seduced him by wearing a very tiny bikini, ( and, my big breasts were growing quite nicely ) so they filled up the top of my bikini, and I have plenty of bubble butt to fill the bottom. The second Jon saw me in my bikini he came in his pants. It was such a surprise to me that I could do that to a man, sexually entice him like that. Had it not been for my neighbor upstairs, Jon would have pulled off his wet pants and sucked me off right in front of everyone. Once we got inside, Jon tore off my bikini and carried me into his shower, where we made love for a half hour. Then, when we got out of the bathroom, we toweled off, and I blew Jon's cock over and over. I never saw him after that summer, my Mom said he got married and moved away, but I found out last year that Jon was killed when his car flipped over. I still miss him, but life goes on. Jaymegurl
The one that never was So back in my early 20s (1980s) I was really close to another guy for 5+ years but also in deep denial and no idea I was gay, although not out it was rumoured that he was gay (his ex-girlfriend had caught him with a guy), but that didn’t seem to bother me. We spent most evenings drinking together and he took the trouble to get involved in many of my other interests. On one occasion we went alone to his parents holiday home for the weekend and although he didn’t come on to me he did start a weird conversation about I felt of what others thought of me during which a bottle of baby lotion was produced. I thought he may have been hinting at experimentation and quickly changed the subject. Another time the 2 of us went away for the weekend to help a woman (early-40s) we knew do some work on her holiday caravan. It was the intention that I shared my tent with my friend whilst the woman and her daughter (early 20s) slept in the caravan. In the end the tent wasn’t used we all slept in the caravan; I ended up having sex with our lady friend whilst my friend fooled around, but not sexually, with her daughter in the same room at the same time. At the end of the weekend whilst the 2 of us were driving back home I asked my friend how he thought the weekend had gone, he said “not as he had hoped” whilst fondling the gearstick in a suggestive way. I eventually became engaged to my future wife at which point he moved away from the area 28 years ago and I heard nothing more from him. Since starting to realise I was gay in my mid-40s I have out of curiosity made several attempts to find him on social media but to no avail that is until a few weeks ago. I have found out he has a Facebook profile and is a friend of a friend but his profile doesn’t show a photo of him or give any information as to his relationship or family status so I don’t really know anything about him other than he lives 100 miles from me. So now I don’t know if I should get in touch with him (or even if I want to) or wait for him to contact me if he has noticed I’m a friend of a friend on face book. It could be that he is gay and not advertising the fact on Facebook or doesn’t want to get in touch with me because my Facebook page says I’m married or he may not know how to use Facebook. Has anyone else come across an old possible closet-case on Facebook and how did you make contact? SGG
yeah, I did, just a couple months ago. Like you and your friend, I thought that he might be gay. We were in high school together, and he said some things back then them seemed pretty suggestive. so I sent him a friend request. it took a while for him to respond. turns out that he eventually came completely out, and is living his life as an openly gay man. he had hesitated to respond to my request, because he was afraid that I was going to give him shit for making passes at me all those years ago, or that I would want to "pray the gay away." He mentioned it to one of the women he knows at work, and she encouraged him to answer my request to see what it was about. we live over a thousand miles away from each other, so our contact so far has only been by emails and chats, but it really has been great for both of us. for me, coming out to someone who really knows me was very healthy and helpful. and for him, it was a healing experience as well because he has some bitter memories from high school, so finding out that his best friend from then is also gay was nice for him. and he has been kind of a mentor for me as I'm dealing with coming out, at least to some extent. I think it's definitely worth taking the chance. after all, worse case you can defriend each other.
College roommate. Just as it ended we found ourselves surrendering to each other. It was new to both of us. I fell for him hard -- and the following year tried pursuing it, but he was scared and kept a distance. Funny thing is 2 yrs later found me getting married and him moving to NYC and pursuing his new gay lifestyle. We fell out of touch, but through mutual friends I found out after years of being a gay man in NY he eventually married a woman and went in the other direction. I still think about him and what we had -- and what could have become of me had he been more responsive and less afraid. Life steers us down roads that we don't know where they'll lead.
There is not a day that goes past that I don't think about the three guys in my life, that I was romantically involved with, that I don't wonder why they got away ? I know that two of my past lovers are now deceased, and the third is married, and lives in Montana, but I often wonder if in some weird way, I contributed to their turning straight. One thing is for certain, I'll never go back to being straight, not after tons of girls and women have hurt me the way they have. Jaymegurl
I did actually have the love of my life, and the girl that everyone thought would become my wife, leave me for another guy. I was heartbroken to say the least. Even more so because I thought he was a friend, yet I was warned by a number of people that he always makes moves for other friends' partners. My girlfriend couldn't stand him at first, yet a year later she decided to split with me. After a couple of weeks, so many people told me they had been seen together acting like they were a couple. I was urged to move on from it, but unless you've been in that situation, you can never explain the hurt. I honestly think I'd rather be shot than experience that sort of pain again. As for thinking about the ones that got away, yes there have been one or two. I agree that too much looking back does more harm than good. For me, I think it only holds you back from going forward.
I had two that provided years of fantasies. One was an older friend with whom I worked. I was very naïve and to anyone with half a brain would have known what was going on. I was invited to see his new place and go swimming. I was in my mid- twenties, and he was 10 -15 years older than me with icy blue eyes and a sweet smile. He was also a trust fund baby, which never hurts. We worked in a very collegial environment so the invitation was not out of place. It was a set up for a tryst, but I didn't see it. Nor did I know he had a crush on me. He died of a heart attack about a year afterward. He was one of nicest guys I ever met, and we would have been I think good together. I never would have admitted to being gay then. Some years later, I had a "boyfriend". Still I'd never admit to being truly gay, because despite enjoying the physical aspects of the relationship I could only "love a woman". We were together about 8 months. He was sweet and intelligent. He had rough edges, and I got to polish him up. He introduced me to hockey, and I took him to the symphony. I was may be 30, and this was the first time I was "off the reservation". He was a few years younger. Sadly, we could have been a couple if I could admit to having feelings for him. This was just sex, just a phase. We parted on friendly terms, but we never spoke to each other after that. After having come out this year, we ran into each other at a pot luck for a bears group. He'd recently been married, but he essentially hadn't changed. There was so much I wanted to say, but he now had a partner, and there seemed no benefit to voicing what I didn't have the courage to express before. Somehow the topic of kilts and Scotland came up in conversation. He asked me if I had a set of kilts. I answered that he knew I did. That's when it came out that we shared a past. It was kind of a shock to everyone. I could at least tell his husband how lucky I thought he was...a bittersweet moment. Those are the ones I look back with regrets. One was a fantasy and the other a sad fact of life, because I thought how nice it would be to pick up where we left off. Things do, however, work out for the best.
