Why is repressing your sexuality a bad thing?

Some people are okay with it. Most, including myself, grow tired of having to hide who they are. It depends on what type of person you are, really.

 

I'm struggling with my sexuality at the moment, so I understand what you're trying to say. However, I don't think I can go another day without expressing my feelings for women because I feel like I am going crazy. I haven't been a woman since 2013, and I am starting to feel desperate, which isn't a good feeling whatsoever.

I am wondering though, why do you feel the need to hide who you are, are you in danger or afraid of the outcome? For me, I've been out since I was 19, but I've been dating my ex boyfriend for the past year or so, and in doing so, I have been closing my feelings off towards women, which makes me feel ashamed.

I hate hiding who I am because I love women so much. And I think that repressing your feelings can be unhealthy, especially if it's something you plan on doing long term.

 

I found in my experience if you repress something like that it's like having a fizzy drink. You keep the top on and shake it up then one day it opens and everything comes out in one go leaving a mess. I know this because I've been there and done that leaving me with depression. At least you can talk on ec and if you need to talk message me

 

I'll save you from a potentially long-winded answer, and sum it up like this:

You can get by in life, by repressing your sexuality, or just never discussing it with anyone. Just like you can do that with a hobby, an achievement, a project, an event, an idea, a feeling, a thought, and so on and so forth. Imagine not being able to share your opinion on something, over time this could potentially eat away at you -- and just what is being eaten away?

Your patience.
Your humanity.
Your individualism.
Your health as well.

Some people are fine with this, and many accept it. It ultimately comes down to, are you okay with limiting yourself to the rest of the world? If so, by all means, carry on. If not, you see the problem.

Eventually, what you really want is going to come into conflict with what everybody else thinks you want, just like who you really are is going to come into conflict with who everybody else thinks you are; if you're spending time with people that is.

You could always be a monk or a hermit, lol.

 

my opinion on repressing your sexuality is the same one for suppressing anything that's a core aspect of your nature. i dont think its good for you in the long term.

me personally, i can see the affects that being in the closet has on me. im becoming somewhat of an "awkward" person from constantly having to make note of what i do and how i do it as to not show that im gay. now, my circumstances are definitely a lot different than yours, but im curious if it has a similar effect on other people, even if its not the same affect its had on me.

on a more neuroscience-y note (and a little off topic), only in recent years has left handedness (shoutout to all the lefties on here) become socially acceptable. there were a lot of people that were born in the early to mid 1900s that, if they were left handed, they were forced to use they're right hand. this is BAD for the brain. there are theories that winston churchill was left handed and that being forced to "become" right handed was the main cause for his stutter. this is because your handedness is directly linked to the brain and how it communicates between the two hemispheres.

now, i have no idea which part of the brain controls if your gay or not, but id say that the same process would take place if you didn't "use" your sexuality in the way you came programmed to. but, there hasn't been enough solid evidence for me (or anyone for that matter) to REALLY be sure if what i just said is somewhat true or not.

in closure, my advice to you is; if you're truly happy doing what your doing now, than i say keep it up. but ONLY if it makes you happy and fulfilled that "desire" to be while as a person. take life a day at a time and just ENJOY it. dont be afraid to push your own boundaries every once in a while tho.
you only get 70-100 years tops on this earth (barely enough time for an oak tree to grow to maturity, just to put that into perspective). life is too short to deny yourself happiness. i think that something that a lot of people lose sight on.

 

I think I understand... Maybe... Lol

Before I was in a relationship, when I first sorta realized I was attracted to women my reaction was, "so what. It doesn't change anything. I'm still single and I doubt I'll have any luck with women either. " in fact for awhile I had doubts, fearing my homosexuality was born of desperation. But once I knew I still never bothered telling anybody. It's none of their business. I was never into the whole dating thing so I never really talked bout who was crushing on who etc. I figured I'd be doomed to a single status forever so my sexuality was irrelevant.

But now I've been madly in love for 6 months. I'm still in the closet cause my family is conservative Christian and I dunno how they'll react. My girlfriend makes me so happy, I wasn't aware I could be this happy. You know that feeling you get when something is so amazing and exciting that you can't wait to tell your friends/family??? Well that's how my girlfriend makes me feel. It's all I can do to not burn the damn closet down and shout out how much this woman means to me. But I must be patient.

Repressing your sexuality may seem fine now but in doing so you miss out on possibly finding love. You're not true to yourself. And you might end up seriously hurting somebody down the road. In bout 20 years you'll wish you hadn't repressed it.

 

It may just end up coming out in other ways. I was so repressed for years I thought I may be asexual. I couldn't relate to people on a certain level. I felt a disconnect and like I was "less." I wondered how I could ever possibly find someone who would want a relationship with me, because I was lonely, but I knew it was highly unlikely I'd find a guy who would want to be with me with all of my "quirks" and the "stipulations" that would come with being with me.

Not only did I repress my sexuality, you can see, but I turned a lot of the negative feelings inward and felt terrible about myself. It seems you may be doing the same thing, in a way, as you say you haven't accepted yourself, yet.

Even if you are unable to come out to more people just now, it might help you to try to be a bit easier on yourself. Try to be kinder toward yourself in regards to your sexuality. I understand, as I go through periods where I feel badly for being gay, too. I wish it would all just go away. I hope that or start to believe that I'm mistaken about my orientation. I feel like I'm going to be shameful for my family. It's difficult. But why should I (or you?) have to feel this way just for being who we are? It's different, yes, but it's natural. And why is different bad?

I think if you work on self-acceptance you may eventually feel ok enough with yourself to face possible opposition from others. This is something I've been working on, myself. Maybe right now you don't see a need to come out, or date, or be in a relationship, and that's ok. But what about in 5 years? or 10? or 20? I can tell you from experience that I regret not dealing with my sexuality when I first had major doubts in my late teens. I wish I had confronted those feelings and come out younger, I feel like I have probably missed out on a lot, and put myself through a lot of unnecessary grief, by repressing my feelings for so long. And still I find myself having to deal with it now, anyway. I guess what I'm trying to say is, try to do future you a favor, if you can, by putting less pressure on yourself to conform, and trying to become a bit more comfortable in your own skin.

 

I've been doing that since forever. I knew I was different since I was in 2nd grade. I tried to pretend being straight and I tried to get attracted to the opposite sex. I did all the methods I thought would help, but in the end nothing worked. I've accepted it and finally admitted to myself that I only like guys. As of now, I can say it affected me more than it should. I am always sad (maybe i'm depressed but i don't know). I'm a very reserved person and choosy when it comes to finding friends. Which also made me a little loner. There are days when I wake up and ask myself. "who is the real me?" I've been pretending for years and I don't know anymore.
Being in the closet totally ruined me. But yeah it kept me alive and away from hate. Being outed is my biggest fear. I'm serious. I just hope that one day, i'll gain the strength to confront it. (Sorry for my bad english, i'm really sleepy lol)

 

I kept my sexual orientation hidden (from myself mostly) until I came out to myself just over 2 years ago.

Here's the thing: self-repression becomes so ingrained within the ego that it feels "normal". Nevertheless, it affects one's personality in ways that are not immediately apparent until coming out eventually (and almost inevitably) happens; the weight of this massive secret is suddenly taken away and one, just as suddenly, realizes just how oppressive keeping this secret has been, how distorting of the self it was to endure for so long as someone you are not.

None of us who have crossed this bridge can adequately describe to you what it feels like to go across; it's something you have to experience for yourself. What have you to gain? A grove of golden hearts...

 

You could have a look at this:
Gets


Maybe this helps:
http://emptyclosets.com/forum/chit-...fo-you-got-ec-helped-you-accept-yourself.html

I'd say take the time you need... but do some things, step by step...

its good you have one friend knowing already... (*hug*)

you could go to some lgbt venues... maybe to an lgbt center, with events... just to meet people and feel the atmosphere...