Kind of a stupid question here but I just need to get this out of my head: What does a gay individual in denial sound like? At the moment I'm extremely confused. Let's say for the moment that I'm gay: seek relationships/sexual activity with men only. I understand that porn is not a good indicator so I'll leave it out in this discussion, so let's say I never was exposed to porn. I cannot imagine being sexually intimate or kissing for that matter with guys, especially the ones my age. I did, however, make out with a girl years back and I got extremely hard, to the point where I had precum all over my boxers. I've accepted that there's a homosexual part in me. I definitely don't reject it. If I'm happier as a gay man then so be it. Sometimes I just envy those of who just know and are comfortable with their sexuality. Am I in denial?
I understand that you are tensed about trying to figure out the sexuality.. It can be very difficult for your mind and at such time human mind just is looking for ways to end the process but somehow there are variety of factors involved to make it more complex... Try to relax a bit. Try harder to stay relaxed so your life is not affected. You will be fine Dont worry Denial -> Acceptance for anyone not straight can not be described in one perfect model. Please go through below links which gives general idea about how people feel while there are trying to understand their sexuality.. It should help you relate .. Empty Closets - Stages of Coming Out Empty Closets - Parent and Family Stages of Grief
It's not confusion, it's a niggling feeling deep within you that you know exactly what you want, but you won't allow yourself to accept it, and you keep trying to explain away your feelings. You say you know there's a homosexual part to you, maybe you're not allowing yourself to accept that you are actually gay. Denial would be knowing the thing with the girl meant nothing, but your brain is analyzing it trying to make it mean something.
This is so true. I also think that you don't necessarily have to be completely aware that you're doing this. Part of you are but sometimes you can get so focused on making excuses that you forget how you are truly feeling. Just saying that denial isn't always a conscious thing so it can sometimes be difficult to know if it's happening to you. Also, are you saying that you like both girls and guys because of your experiences with girls and also because you have accepted the homosexual part of you? Or is it still confusing for you?
But it was something, at least I think so. I've always wanted to kiss her, and so when I happened, I enjoyed it for a while. If this really meant nothing then I would be gay, but I know it means something so that's why I keep going back and forth. I think the one thing I'm confused about is that my sexual fantasies with men are unrealistic, yet it somehow turns me on (at this point I'm desensitized to it). When I'm hanging out with my friends, everything is cool. No attractions there. The time when I made out with the girl I liked, it was something I really enjoyed. Even at that time, I didn't think I was gay at all. At this point I'm thinking that I'm bisexual. With older men it's like a pure lust/power dynamics relationship which is not what I want. On the other hand with girls, talking with a cute girl will get me interested in her, but I'm always scared of asking her out. I feel like my fantasies with men are unhealthy, almost like a fetish.
I don't want to possibly confuse you even further but to me it doesn't sound like you're gay, maybe bi, but not gay. Now, I don't want to put a label on you but to me that's just how I interpret what you said.
I'm already confused as it is I don't think it can get anymore than that. I think I'll just stick to bisexual for now... One of my biggest worries is that later in a marriage I decide to divorce because I end up marrying someone I didn't truly love from the start, that's why I feel so pressured to decide now. I've spoken with my psychologist and from what she's been hearing these past months she says it doesn't sound like I'm in denial. If I had feelings for guys that would make things a lot easier, but I dont.
In my opinion, it sounds like you are in denial. If you have to go years back into your past to find a memory where you felt attraction towards a woman, then you're grasping at something that isn't substantial.
Not necessarily - I did this in order to deal with my confusing feelings towards a female friend. I finally dealt with my issues by going back to when I first suppressed them. Since then I have met 2 other girls I have had a strong attraction to, although not much has happened with them. I'm not gay though, I am bi, and seem to prefer men in general
To be honest, if I looked back in my life, I've had attractions to girls (minor crushes, if you will, but mostly hung out with guy friends). However, I was never interested in dating yet so it never crossed my mind. At the same time though, around my first year in junior high (Grade 7) is the year I began to fantasize about my male teachers/coaches, and not classmates. I never suspected that I could be gay because I never saw my friends in that matter. I was well aware of LGBT and whatnot, but it never applied to me. It seems like anyone I hang out with, guy or girl, is like a potential date for me, and it's confusing...
When I was a little girl I remember saying to my mom that I thought a certain lady at my church was pretty. I liked her. I wanted to go over to her house. I was 9 years old. She asked why & I responded that I liked her. I didn't know what I meant. I didn't know what being gay or at least knowing that I may have a part of myself that has homosexual tendencies. As I got older I watched television and on MTV and remember how a girl would be singing & seductive like and my heart would pound and I would get turned on. I never told anyone. I remember when Ellen had that TV show & it was the thing where she said she was gay. My mother explained what it meant and we left it at that. The thing is. I've never dated a guy. I've never kissed or done anything sexual with any one ever. I would get fashion magazines and kiss the famous cover girl then stop myself. I've never been real with myself. When I watch television I can't help but be excited when a woman appears. Whenever a man does my nature is okay let's get this over with. I have liked the opposite sex to a certain degree: celebrity singer's & movie stars. Non-famous men. I don't know what's wrong with me. I've never shared my attractions with anyone not even myself. I'm scared to come to grips with the fact that I feel attraction to women at various times. Marriage men and children feel like I have to do that in order to please everyone. I know my family thinks or may know I'm gay but I'm almost 30 years old this June. I don't want to live the rest of my life scared to face myself and what I shove down.
Hey Confused Lady 86. Read your paragraph. I'm not sure how to help you out, or what you were asking, but it sounds like you've figured out the sexuality part. Maybe there are deeper, primal fears within you that are preventing you from taking action. you say "I've never been real with myself." And "Marriage men and children feel like I have to do that in order to please everyone." Who's pleasure is worth more than your own? I don't know you, but I do know that you are worth a lot more than what you think others think of you. i think you should try to ask yourself what You want out of life. Family and friends will live with you, but never share your thoughts, purpose, and consciousness. Your life is an empty canvas for you and you alone. (this is something I'm struggling to come to terms with). But really, not to sound negative, you and I both will be dead in 60 years, and nobody is going to care. Again, not trying to be negative, just stating the facts. I wish there was some magical way to make things right. Im in your boat, except i didn't start questioning until age 19-20, and I'm not sure if it is ocd. So its not like i have my situation figured out. I'm slowly learning that I am in charge of my own life and happiness. Its a huge responsibility, but its better to take the wheel where you want to go than to sit in the passenger seat and give chance a shot. I'm not trying to be a hypocrite, I'm just learning to grip the steering wheel, but i felt the need to say these things because we're just two humans discovering our paths in life. The more in touch with yourself you can become, the better. Good luck
