Do you feel life is passing you by?

Yes all the time.

 

In the context of comparison to others: No.

In the context of there being some things I want that I don't yet have: Occasionally, in varying degrees.

I'm not in touch with anyone I went to school with which might have something to do with it. I didn't even bother turning up for the last day of school. Not because I disliked the other students or anything, we got along fine but they weren't my friends and once exams were finished I was pretty much done with it.

That said however, a couple of years ago I was curious enough to look up a few kids I went to primary school with online (I live in another part of the country now). It was interesting to see what they were up to. I saw the facebook profile of a boy who was my friend when we were little, and also my only attempt at having a boyfriend when I was a teenager. He got married at 16 and now has 4 children. I was really happy about this because I knew this was something he'd always wanted and talked about so I thought, good for him. But at the same I have to be honest, part of it was relief for myself. Because up until then I'd had this concern in the back of my mind that at some point I might bump into him again and if it turned out he hadn't settled down yet he might try to ask me out again, he'd always talked about how he wanted to marry and have kids with me when we were young. Even then I knew I had no serious interest in having kids or getting married, and now that I've figured out my sexuality it's pretty clear that things worked out for the best.

When someone I know has a life changing event, by which I mean something really significant eg having another child, not upgrading to the latest iphone lol, I will congratulate them, and be happy for them, because it is nice that they are happy. But in all honesty this isn't going to change my overall view.

Some other people my age do have things I don't: marriage, kids, a mortgage, a car etc. But most of the time when I see this I notice more of the drawbacks than the advantages. I observe that people want, or are encouraged to want a 'sense of security' in these things, but I also see it as a false sense, because nothing in life is ever entirely secure or guaranteed.

That's not to say that I think people shouldn't pursue these things if they are something they crave. If you want something, and you get the chance to have it, by all means grab the opportunity with both hands and don't let it pass you by. I'm just not a big fan of the mentality that we should feel pressured into wanting things because others already have them. Life can change, the person who wishes for everything because their peers seemingly have it all whilst they have nothing may in just a few years be the one with everything after their peers have lost it all.

Personally I don't like the idea of being tied down. I'm not necessarily talking about relationships because that is one thing I really would like, having someone to share time and intimacy with is something I do want (whether or not it is realistically possible in my current circumstances). But in terms of other things, I like to remain a free agent.

Two things I always tell myself:

Anything in life can change, and:
If a new opportunity arises, you risk missing out if you are too settled.

In terms of practical things: committing to financial obligations comes with no guarantees, regardless of what the paperwork says. Mortgages, cars, contracts etc, they can all fall through at some point. And what if the opportunity should arise for me to have something better/different? What if I decide to move to a new area, or even another country entirely? I didn't even have a bank account until a couple of years ago, and even then it's mainly a back-up just in case I should ever absolutely need one.

With other 'personal life' stuff, well as harsh as it sounds the same rules can still apply to a degree. Social circles change, friendships can fade or end. Sometimes no matter how much you give it your all, relationships end. Marriage offers certain practical advantages but there always exists the potential practical difficulties of divorce. Children enrich the lives of those who make good parents but one day they will leave home (although if one has been a decent parent they would hopefully stay in touch). I'm aware I sound cynical for looking at it this way, but it's just realistic. I'm rather logical about it, I don't see the experiences of others through rose-tinted glasses and assume their lives are perfect. Every path has its upside and its downside.

If I do decide that I want something, well I'm going to make sure I'm on the right path to getting it. But I'm not going to want something just for the sake of having what others do, that's just a waste of energy.

 

I think that all the time and I am 14.

So many things to do and yet not enough time. I cant have every life I want, only one.

 

Damn...

That's deep!

 

This will sound like a joke, but it's not. For years there's been a part of me that wished to uncover some kind of arcane knowledge and use it to transcend the limitations of the physical world. Anything less would be passing by my one shot at an eternal life of infinite possibilities. Nothing but a useless fantasy, though. I've only got one little life, right? Here one moment and gone the next in the big picture. It's pointless to think that an unyielding law of nature would make an exception for me. I think a big part of my life has been finding peace with the truth of my death. And I'm not there yet, I know I'm still scared as shit.

In practical terms, yes, life is likely passing me by ... maybe I'll never be able to utterly rid myself of the vague sense of detachment that carries into everything I do, knowing that in the end all I create will be reduced to zero. It's really half blessing and half curse, because while I highly doubt I'm living my life to its fullest, I also tend to not sweat the small stuff. The worthwhile things in life are the things that take me off autopilot, that give me greater understanding of the world around me and myself, and how those two things are related.

 

I used to feel that way often, but lately those thoughts are not that frequent.
Aside for one friend and I, all of the rest is in a long-term relationship and thinking about the future and babies. I'm so happy for them but I feel like that side of me is stuck, mostly due to my anxiety. But I'm making progress and I'm pushing myself to do things and to move forward. Things are looking up

 

Yes life is passing me by but its a long story short.

 

At least I know a few people are in the same boat. That's comforting.

 

All the time... but looking back, it looks different.

 

At 70 it's a little late to worry about it and I rarely did. I am, however, a little frustrated that I'm still living in a cold climate with taxes that are too high. We have land in a warmer climate state with much lower taxes and a lower cost of living but for a variety of reasons we're still here.

 

I'm surprised by some of these comments. I would never expect anyone in their early or mid 20s to be married with kids, or to have a high-paying job. Heck, most people here don't get married or have kids until they're in their 30s*, and people barely have their foot on the career ladder until they're a little older, but I guess this depends on where in the world you live.

Some people from my high school class have kids now, which I find sad tbh. One is getting married.

*47% of adults in the UK are married, so the entire institution has fallen out of favour.

 

Completely. I struggle with some major health issues/disability that haven't allowed me to pursue my goals at all.
I'm in my early 20s. I still can't drive, I don't have a job, the last grade I actually completely was 8th. I grew up doing really well with parents and teachers actually believing I was going to be the kind of person who had her own choice of colleges and was going to go far in the world.
When comparing myself to other people I get really bummed, but I really have to stop doing that. Within my own life and my own challenges, I have come miles and miles. There was a point people thought I would have to stay committed and be cared for the rest of my life, that I might never even speak again.
So to sum up, yes, I feel that way a great deal, but I have to a) stop comparing myself to other people and b) stop judging myself by the goals I had before there was this much wrong with me.
I still have goals and I'm pretty sure I'll end up kicking ass in this life.

 

I feel like it is every day. Every once in a while those good moments come along and I can feel great but shortly after the realization that I am still leaps and bounds behind everyone else sinks in

 

Yeah, I really do.

 

I know right. I see people in their early-mid 20s saying that their friends are raising a family and I'm quite shocked. I don't expect any of my friends to have a kid until they're near their 30s.

Sometimes I do feel like I'm missing out, but I believe most people think the same. We gotta make choices all the time about what we want, which means we also have to make sacrifices.

 

Not quite... I'm currently stuck in one situation, but I feel as though I am taking advantage of it and preparing carefully for the next phase. I'm in my first and only year of art school, as I realized mid-way through that music was my true passion and that I want to pursue that further. I may have to stay in school and study a subject I'm losing interest in quickly, but I'm in a city with a very lively music community, and I'm taking music lessons in my spare time, researching music production, composing, and generally doing all that's in my power to help get a music career off the ground after I leave school, almost obsessively. I never thought about the whole "marriage, house, kids" thing... That never occurred to me, and I've never been concerned with chasing them. If they do happen, that would be great, but that's not my goal. Same with the "fame and wealth" thing nowadays: Wealth I might use to better my situation or work on new projects, but fame I'm inclined to avoid, out of fear of it destroying my life. They aren't concerns. I just want to do what I love: Making music, making something beautiful, something totally different... something that will make people smile. It's the creative vision I want to pursue and see brought to life, and I know that'll take years. I can't get impatient when I'm barely 20.

So what I guess I'm saying is... no. I do not.

 

It does and all i do is watch and worry about yesterday im never living in the now either thinking of the future or the past and by doing this i wake up "wow I'm 21 years old " and don't even realize it.

 

I was married and had 2 kids at 23. Never regretted it for a minute. By the time I was in my early 40s the kids were pretty much on their own. I started an apprenticeship in a skilled trade one year out of high school and made more $ than many of my peers with college degrees. I admit it's harder to do that today.
But it's a LOT easier today to come out and be accepted. It was light years different then. Given the family environment I grew up in it would probably not be much different today. But if I grew up like a gay friend who lived in Brooklyn with a single mother who didn't have much interest or time because she was always working I very likely would have spent time with him at Coney Island engaging in sex with older men. Maybe I would have also left for CA at 16 and lived an exciting youth just like him. Now's he's married to his partner of 30 years. The generation and social environment we are part of play a large part of who and what we are.

 

"But you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking,
Racing around to come up behind you again,
The sun is the same in a relative way but you're older,
Shorter of breath, and one day closer to death."

Sometimes I feel like that entire song. That and The Good Life by Weezer.