Hitting kids is a good tactic to discipline kids?

Spanking isn't abusive. But it CAN become abusive. My mom once spanked me with a rose bush branch with thorns... I would call that abusive. If it's done calmly when you aren't angry and not too harshly, then no it's not abusive. Just don't cross that line where spanking does become abusive. It's all situational; sometimes it is so not abusive and sometimes it so is abusive.

 

It's child abuse. Who in their right fucking mind would hit a child? In Sweden hitting your kid is illegal, and so I've never really seen anyone get hit by their parent here. But last year when I went to Italy, at the hotel, the owner took out his belt and lashed his child until he cried. The reason? because he apparently left school early. For the remaining week we stayed there I saw red whenever he was in the room. If I'd have had the guts I would've given him a piece of my mind. But I'm a fucking coward, so that's that.

I think like others have stated here, the best way to go about disciplining your child is by making them reflect on what they've done, and what's wrong with what they've done. Hitting them will not make them understand what's wrong about what they've done, they'll only make the connection that "this" leads to pain, and so try to avoid you seeing them doing it instead to avoid a punishment.

 

I can understand your point of view, but I respectfully disagree. I disagree because you're trying to universalize the particular.

I don't think it's appropriate to make a statement of the form "we can't call behavior X abusive because behavior X happened to me, and I don't consider myself abused."

I happen to think spanking is a violent and extreme escalation of punishment, and that's what it's intended to be as a parenting tactic. That said, I'm not against spanking; I just think it has to be limited to a single extreme and appropriate circumstance: namely, the child is known to be physically violent to others without due cause.

In time, I expect the field of psychology to converge on the conclusion that corporal punishment of children is abusive and counterproductive. However, harmful ideas take a frustratingly long time to be forcefully eradicated.

 

My parents spanked me when I misbehaved, but I will admit that I usually deserved it. And it was always a slap on the bottom, never the face or anything like that. As for whether it's helped me be a better person or not, I don't know. I'm sure there are psychological studies that could explain it one way or another, but I would say that it did teach me not to do the thing I did again. I would say that being a better person is more a result of the lessons that were taught through observation and instruction rather than a result of spanking. That was just a deterrent to keep me from doing bad things again.

Aversive reinforcement (punishment for undesirable behavior) tends to be good for avoiding bad behavior, but the best way to strengthen good behavior is through negative reinforcement (removal of a negative stimulus when the desired behavior is met).

 

My mom spanked me a lot when I was a kid when I cried and stuff. Honestly, I can see why she did and I don't blame her. And I turned out just fine. I think it kind of varies for each kid's personality.

 

^this^
Also, not to put to fine a point on it, but of cours people who have been spanked are reluctant to call it abuse.
It's hard to admit something bad happened to you, especially when it's your parents taht did it.

With regards to the bolded, most already do, see the APA link I posted earlier.

---------- Post added 25th Jan 2015 at 08:54 AM ----------

I'm still waiting for people who make comments like these to explain what act they performed that rationalised physical force with the intent to inflict pain.

 

Study after study has shown that using spanking as punishment doesn't work. It actually INCREASES aggression in the child. It results in immediate compliance, but also fear and the child doesn't actually learn anything.

Spanking a kid once or twice probably won't cause any damage, but consistently using it as a punishment doesn't make any sense.

 

I had a real tough situation once.

A "friend" of mine who lacks a spine got married. His wife could only put up the front for so long. Several things caused me to figure her out. Among those things, I learned that she physically (not sexually) abused their young kids. It wasn't run of the mill spankings, either. Then I understood why these kids often screamed with terror. I was going to report the situation but I was living away from the area. Also, before I even considered this, he was casually telling me about their being in marriage counseling where all this stuff, including his wife's own childhood abuse, was out on the table. I understand that, when a family or a couple is in therapy, it supposedly falls on the mental health professional to do that reporting, if they are going to do so at all. He never played his cards close to the vest, so I believed that they were in therapy.

I sometimes ask myself whether I did the right thing ... that of not continuing with the report.

 

This.

 

I wish there was a "like" button on this forum!

 

No, I strongly disagree with it.
Hitting innocent children is completely and utterly barbaric. Hell! It's already really bad to hit a grown woman or man.

I disapprove most, out of everything, of violence. It is inexcusable for anything. You'd think that in the 21st century people would have evolved enough mentally to start resolving their differences through the simple art of speech. Words can do so much!

I have been hit as a kid, and I did turn out alright - but it wasn't the violence that changed me. If anything, it was my hate towards it!
I do not plan on having children (I'm too young for that, anyway), but if I ever do, I vow to NEVER, not once, hit them.

As @PatrickUK simply put it: it is nothing else but "abuse".
And now that I've contributed to this thread, I'll swiftly remove myself from it as I'm getting easily disgusted with some other people's opinions.

 

I think it shoudl be the last measure to take, but sometimes is necesary. But bot only is the last resort, but you should take preventive measures to avoid getting to hte poin where its necesary. This includes the dont pick a fight if you are going to lose, if you know a certain situation will have a risk of improper behaviour avoid it.

---------- Post added 25th Jan 2015 at 05:02 AM ----------

Also, never do it with anger, it should be done only as acold correction, and not as an escapde of anger.

 

As someone who was hit by their parents (from age 5-9, maybe) I am strongly against it.

 

I think that hitting is appropriate...





But only between two consenting adults.

 

I've never been hit by my parent. But I can see the difference between an educational slap in the face and a spanking because X happened. You can however replace the slap with words and non-violent authority.

 

I believe in corporal punishment. To say you can always appeal to a child's sensibilities so that they understand and behave is stupid. I'll give one example.

A child in a grocery store is throwing a fit/tantrum because you said no to a toy. You either have the choice of:

A) having a long-winded discussion about the economic situation and how money does not grow on trees and this month you 're a little short on cash so please understand? No money doesn't just magically come out of those bank machines, Timmy.

Or

B) Instill some fear of god in the brat so when you say no, it's no. A child does not need to understand what he is learning in order to learn it. By knowing he will not get everything by throwing a tantrum, he is learning delayed gratification--he naturally stifles his urge to be upset when he didn't get what he wants and moves forward. At first it's because he fears punishment, as he grows older he'll understand why.

I don't think spanking should be a constant means. But a child needs to know who is charge, even if he can't fully understand why a decision was made at the time. Again, this whole, "two year olds will understand the complexities of the world if we just talk to them" is libtarded bullshit. And to say that there is even a comparably effective detterent to that of physical pain is also untrue.

 

I think this is very true. While aggression need not be physical, I feel I have a streak of that. For the people who have only been hit a few times and they can name then on one hand, they usually come through it ok.

I agree that a frustrating situation could be when the parent actually does know best in a particular instance, the child is obstinate, and dialogue accomplishes nothing. Then what?

That's one of many reasons that I chose, by my early 20s, to make sure I didn't reproduce. I actually couldn't see many reasons at all to have kids, though .. especially when they're little. I like them ok but want to hand them back to their parents in no more than about 20 or 30 minutes!