"Don't worry, there's someone out there for you"...(a rant)

I hope my post wasn't taken as making fun of the OP. My initial thought was to agree whole heartedly, and then I decided to make a little fun of myself instead. No offense meant, mistersparkles! I do feel your pain actually!

 

I was thinking more about this last night, particularly the "with the right attitude..." line.

The other that irks me is, "If you don't love yourself first..."

To me this shows a certain blindness to what it's like to grow up gay.

For many, growing up gay means facing brutal assaults on one's self esteem: rejection by friends, parents, workplaces, and communities. Although there have been huge improvements, especially with marriage equality, it's a hard way to grow up.

The combination of forces is brutal. There is an internal shame and fear from the closet and coming out combined with lousy odds of meeting anyone else.

"With the right attitude" and "If you don't love yourself first" are dismissive comments, implying that something is wrong with me.

"You must be looking in the wrong places."
There is an illusion that there are magical gay places where everyone meets one another. There are groups and community centres that are invaluable--especially for those who are coming out, depressed, or struggling with addiction. These make a huge difference for so many people. But they're not really for dating.

I live in a city renowned to be gay-friendly, and previously lived in the West Village and San Francisco. In fact, I lived in The Advocate magazine's "gayest city in America." (I beg to differ.) It's not as if you get arrive in town and 100 eligible bachelors say, "Oh, you're new here? I'm your age, breathtakingly good looking, overloaded with cash, and I have a winning personality. You seem nice; let's go out."

 

I sort of like the expression "Every pot has its lid."

I like it even more when a comment along the lines of 'but they may not find each other' is added onto that. I do believe that "every pot has its lid" in almost all cases but I also believe that the pot may not find the lid and/or vice-versa.

 

Hello,

are the people telling you all this crap hetro, if so ignore everything they say hetro people have NO IDEA what it is like being gay and should just be pittied for their lack of understanidng. I have pretty much given up on talking to hetro people about what it is like to be gay as they come out with idiot statements like you have said.

My mother even said to me "you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince" Well done mother i am a gay WOMAN so obviously i am not looking for a prince.

Also comments like "have you tried going to a gay club" as if all you need to do is go to this non existant gay club and you will meet 50 eligable lovely people who want the same type of relationship you do.

Thank you for posting your rant and as you can see there are lots of people in the same position as you. All you really do need to remember is that hetro people are stupid and should always be ignored.

 

This is pretty much how I feel about the "I'm here for you" comments as well.
No, You're not here, no matter that it was written with good intentions, you don't know jack shit about what I feel, and what my situation is over here. Oh, and did I mention that you're also NOT HERE?
Everyone likes to assume that you live in the USA or at least a gay-friendly country. Guess what Sherlock, I don't. So before spewing the bullshit template for me, at least ask what things are like here before you go ahead and instruct me to go out and suddenly defeat my entire personality and go against everything I stand for. Sorry but no.

And I know that I still have time but I'm not going to give a shit about sexuality anymore if nothing happens in my twenties. I've already been thinking about how to make my sex drive hit bottom with medication, lifestyle changes, or have myself castrated. At least I wouldn't have the horrible feeling anymore. Too bad I can't cut a part of my brain out that wants to be loved and give love...oh shit what do I do now :***:

 

This rant is my life right now ... xD What I find annoying is when I'll randomly mention how I miss cuddles and then my friends are like 'We can hug you!'. It's not the same guys -.-;;

 

Hi All,

I hear all of you, the question becomes; why don't these numbers translate to the real world?

Is the once closeted world different?

I even went to a gay, male therapist explained what I was doing (hoping it was me) and he said "You are doing everything right, gays are reclusive in this area. He is a transplant to this area from CA and assured me it was not me but the old gay culture bricks and mortar still stand.

My experience is lots of lone wolfs happy to be lone wolfs.

Personally... I don't know the answer.

Any gay venue created is soon swamped by sex seekers and abandoned or totally not supported.

Beautiful gay bar opened near here. Great chef, menu, Sunday brunch, clean healthy... Within 16 months the kitchen is closed, and nobody shows up till 10pm. You know who they are. The gay community did not support the business as a business, it became a hook up spot.

How do you win rolling those dice?

I will keep rolling but from the numbers here a lot of people are rolling craps.

What is the issue?

 

Hi,

Does anybody have any statistics on male/female, straight/gay, partnered/single, numbers that breaks out the lone wolfs? Age demographics would be great too.

I would like to see that data. Somebody must have done a study.

---------- Post added 24th Jan 2015 at 05:14 AM ----------

This is curious...

"Nearly two-thirds of registered or married same-sex couples are lesbians, and only about a third are gay men."

Are the numbers that low for gay men?

---------- Post added 24th Jan 2015 at 05:15 AM ----------

Divorce & Marriage Rates for Same-Sex Couples*|*Frederick Hertz

 

Some lone wolves really aren't as alone as you think. They are nourished by a small to large network of friends. Spending quality time with friends is better than being in dysfunctional or overly complicated relationships. Then, of course, there are low quality friends who eventually need to be jettisoned, as in "cleaning house."

 

Isn't that a bit of a generalization? ;P makes me wonder where agender people are from, and do genderfluid people have duel planetary citizenship? XD

 

This was a quote from another thread:
http://emptyclosets.com/forum/chit-chat/166638-how-do-you-think-like-man-woman.html

It was just meant as a hint at what the OP meant...

(*hug*)

 

Now I feel even more guilty for not coming out... Maybe I am someone's "fish" and here I am passing up all the good bait.

 

Gosh,I hope you really don't feel too much guilt about it. Way too much of that crappy emotion already involved in coming out.

Out is better. If only for the fact that it means I can tell my friends to go find me a boyfriend :lol:

 

It's a game of hits and misses. I hate it. To date it's been one toad for who I may need a restraining order, one passionate night that went nowhere (he was from another city), and a fwb that doesn't want to commit to anything. It doesn't make you feel terribly loved. I get it.

Meeting sites are impossible to negotiate: who knows if they're lying to you, who knows if it's part of a scam of some ilk, if you can't show me your face or only want to show me your dick than I've no use for you, and I'm a lousy typist so "sexting" is out (hee, hee). The bar crowd is largely made up of the same old lushes, losers, and kids. Fun it is not. There are times I feel like a 35 year old woman with a very loud biological clock saying, "All the good ones are married, or gay (or in my case straight)."

So that leaves you hopefully with a circle of supportive friend, maybe church, a chorus, a social group where you are one of the few not partnered, and the gay book club. Some of us have gotten lucky in finding a partner, but I'm not betting the farm on this one. Hey, I've been married 25 years. I know how to work and keep a relationship going. I am stable. I am a professional. I am reasonably good looking and have a myriad of interests from cooking to hockey and rugby to musical theatre (maybe that's just a given being gay and all) to birding; well-travelled and well-read. Yet it's about hook-ups (frosting), not relationships (cake).

Where do you go to find better?

 

Gee, 550 miles away and same scenario.

I have one partnered friend and his partner has jealousy issues (imagine that, a gay with trust issues) which makes friendship difficult.

I have expanded dating pool down to age 30 but it is rather pointless.

I will keep plugging though.

 

:roflmao:

I'm not sure which is better....the original post or this reply.

However, I do agree with the OP. Maybe it's just me, but for some reason mainstream media spits out this image of once you come out as lesbian (and it is never coming out anymore because that is old hat. There is no struggle anymore. You just are. You get your rainbow card and everything is PEACHY. What a load of poo.) then you walk over the threshold into a land of waiting lesbians and are instantly dating someone. I get it. You are trying to represent what society should be. Not every place is as anti gay as where I live, but not every place is L word LA either.

 

It will take generations in realty... Laws change faster than society.

All men created equal (1776)
Slaves freed (1865)
Blacks got to vote (1965 voting rights act)

LGBT has a lot of work ahead. Being a minority is a constant struggle.

 

So, I was just thinking, MisterSparkles, that maybe you should just not worry so much, because, well you know there's someone out there for you! :roflmao:

 

MisterSparkles,

YOU ARE MY HERO!. Your rant paradoxically cheered me up. Why? Because I'm tired of hearing bullshit all the time. It's good to speak the truth.

Anyway I have no idea if there is someone there for you or me or anyone else. All I know is that I'm lonely and although I'm "gay", I feel it's a poor;y chosen word at this time. I don't feel liberated, prideful, happy; and I'm not having fun yet.

But, I'm not against it, having fun that is.

 

Hi,

I agree with arturoenrico! MisterSparkles forever!

Ever smelled liquid manure sprayed on a farm field? MisterSparkles is the opposite of that...



---------- Post added 8th Feb 2015 at 05:47 PM ----------

My sister has a similar thing... "Things will get better" see OP's original post.

A million factual, intangible, reality based things could have been said but fiction and fantasy was easier.

That is not helpful.