I'm out to a few friends and close family, but I honestly feel like I've still gotten nowhere. None of the people I've come out to actually refer to me as female, they don't even think of me as female. It's kind of my own fault though. In my close family, my mom and sister know about it, but my (step)dad doesn't. Because of this, they only use male pronouns and use my male name. It's also (still) a fairly awkward topic that we don't really talk about, so I feel my mom doesn't really take me seriously about it. As for my friends, same deal. I'm out to some, but not everyone. At school, cadets, etc. they still use male pronouns because there's people around who don't know. (Cadets is a whole issue in itself, but I won't get into that here. ) I'm afraid that one of my friends completely forgot that I even came out to him, and that the others might as well if I keep this up much longer. I know the solution, I'm just too scared to go through with it. If I come out to my dad, I'm sure it will be exactly what I need as the next step. I'm just worried about his reaction. He's not exactly the happiest person. His dad recently died from having cancer and he's worried he might have it as well. On top of that, other family situations are really stressing him and I can actually notice him getting depressed from time to time. I'm just worried that coming out to him would really be the final tipping point or something. The problem on my end is that lately dysphoria has been getting worse and worse. Every day I'm feeling more and more depressed myself and I'm honestly not sure how much longer I can take it. It's kind of like a race in time between my trying to come out and my trying to keep my dysphoria controlled. Sorry if this post is way too long, I just need to get this out. I kind of feel like crap right now.
i'm very sorry to hear that you have all this going on in your life . btw your post isnt too long , it's a good thing you arent just keeping this bottled up
You may not have done much social or physical progress, but I'm positive you've done loads of mental progress. We all get more and more experience every day that eventually will make us stronger than ever. About your depression... Please, please talk to someone. It could be a friend you trust, a therapist or even just someone here on EC. I personally think a therapist would be the best to go with but I understand it's not for everyone. It will get better, I promise you that. One day you'll look at yourself in the mirror, happy that you're still alive to see how far you've gone. I don't know what you should do about your dad, but your life should be happy. You deserve a happy life. We all deserve happy lives. Remember to love yourself. Even if you hate most of your body, you've got to like something about yourself, wether it's on the inside or the outside. When you find that thing, embrace it. Remember that you are beautiful, no matter what you say. Stay strong girl
I'm sorry to hear about your dad, but I think that if he's a good guy coming out to him will turn out fine. Ensure him that you're still you and then stand by him as you progress yourself. Maybe seeing you be happy is enough to cheer him up. Tell him that life is too short to worry too much and that he should live it happy no matter what, then lead by example.
Thanks for the replies, everyone. I guess I'll just have to come out to my dad and hope for the best. As for a therapist, I'd love to see one. Through my parent's work, we get free counseling. I'm not sure if gender therapy is included, but I guess it's something I could look into..
You can't control how others take the news. What you can control is to tell them, and to actively look for a gender therapist. We are on the same place now, I've told part of the family and some folks around me, but not everyone. They are struggling to understand, still this is not easy for them. As you've said, the topic is just awkward, so I can't go and explain to them anything, 'cause they just don't want to hear about it. I'm waiting to get a gender therapist next week, I think that the step will feel much more like progress than coming out. Regardless of how it feels now, those are the steps... The first little steps to a much better future. We just can't have it all today or tomorrow, it's a process that takes years. I hope you feel better in the next days, and get a gender therapist soon. I'm sorry to hear about your dad. Try to be more gentle on yourself.
Well for me personally, pronouns are meaningless if you still appear as the other gender to people. I don't feel any sense of relief by someone referring to me as "she" if when I walk outside everyone still sees a dude (and for this reason I generally don't ask people to change pronounds, it makes me uncomfortable to ask someone to essentially lie to me). I guess I would ask you, would it really change anything if they used female pronounds? I find that even if people do that, if you don't look female they won't really see you as one even though they may be polite and use pronouns because they care about you. Like the only reason I refer to myself in my profile as "trans feminine" is because I barely feel comfortable calling myself a "trans woman" when I haven't actually transitioned socially. I am a very visual person and feel I am not there yet even though Iv been on hrt for a year now (it sucks).
