Recently I've discovered that I'm genderfluid. While this discover has taken a lot of stress off of my shoulders, I'm still facing a lot of dysphoria. My more masculine days are really the problem. Feminine days, such as today, I can pull off with really no problem. But I've never really been able to get that masculine look, which makes some days really miserable. I don't own a lot of masculine clothes, mostly due to the fact that my parents refuse to buy me any. Aside from a few unisex shirts, I really don't have much. Jeans are a big problem for me, considering that all of my are skinny, and really feminine. I'm not allowed to shop in the boys section, but does anyone know of a certain style or cut of womens jeans that tend to look a little more masculine? That could really help me. Another thing is my hairstyle. Past my shoulders and dyed red at the moment, its nothing close to masculine. I don;t really know how to get it cut. Does anyone know of a style that can work with both masculine and feminine days? The last thing that really bothers me is my name. Its distinctly feminine at the moment, and I'd like a name that could work for both male and female genders. I don't mean to sound needy, but I've finally found the source of my unhappiness, and I want to fix it.
Thanks for the advice. I'll try to convince my mom to let me buy some new jeans. Also a pair of more gender-neutral shoes, like converse, will also help me I think.
Hey! I wanted to say that I sort of have the same thing going on, but just as a warning, I'm not super confident in my advice, haha. But, yeah, I have parents who see everything as very black and white, especially gender. It's definitely difficult to reason with them, but I've gotten away with a few things. I personally love skinny jeans, regardless of what gender I'm feeling. I do know a lot of guys who wear skinny jeans, but it's all up to personal preference, so. And I can usually get away with button up shirts that were made for girls, because if I button them up all the way, it tends to look less feminine. But, again, it's up to preference. I tend to go for the 'pretty boy' look, for lack of a better word, haha. And as for a haircut, have you mentioned that you wanted it cut shorter? It took a while, because my parents believe that that's a "lesbian haircut," but eventually they came around. I have extremely curly hair, so it took a lot of getting used to, but I really like what I ended up with. It's sort of like a pixie cut, but there are longer side bangs and I use gel to keep the other side flat. And honestly, I feel pretty with it when I want to and masculine when I want to. And I know of a lot of people who pick a nickname that's really short, and can sort of work with anything. My name is very feminine, so I picked 'Cas,' and I'm going to try out having a few friends call me that. Or, you could always just search "androgynous names" and see what you like! I think that's about it? Sorry for the long reply, I just wanted to share my experience with the hopes of helping you out!
Thanks for the advice! You're right about the jeans. My problem with skinny jeans is that it shows how feminine my legs look, which isn't what I want on my masculine days. As for haircuts, I'm thinking about a slightly long pixie cut. Around the bottom of the ears, maybe. Thankfully my parents let my older sister cut her hair short, so they'll let me. I have been looking through names, now. What do you think of Levi, Evan, Elliott, Bailey, or Quinn? They're all unisex names, and I like them a lot. I just can't decide. Also, what pronouns do you use. I'm thinking about They/Them/Their, but I don't know yet. I'm also thinking about coming out to my friends tomorrow. They already know I'm bi, and they're all some form of queer themselves, but I'm still nervous to do so. Wish me luck!
Oh yeah, I can see that. But that haircut sounds good! And it's great that your parents are cool with it, I know it can be really hard for some people with REALLY strict parents ;; For names, Levi and Quinn seem pretty cool! But it's up to you, of course. And I'm sort of laid back with pronouns, honestly. I'm only out to some of my close friends, and I don't see them in person too often, so I've just been asking them to use they/them. It's kind of hard for people to keep up with what gender I feel like at any given time, so I'm cool with anything. I have a lot of androgynous days, too, so they/them works out pretty good. Also, good luck with coming out to your friends!
My parents are really strict, but thankfully my sis already won that battle. I think I'm either gonna go with they/them or my normal she/her. BUT SOMETHING GREAT JUST HAPPENED! I couldn't wait til tomorrow, so I texted my two best (queer) friends and came out and they were really positive about it! I'm super happy now. But we talked about names and right now I'm deciding between Levi, Quinn, Oakley or Elliott.
Ahh, that's awesome!! I'm so happy for you! It's super important to have supportive friends, especially if you don't want to come out to your family. My best friend is dmab genderfluid (which is /very/ difficult with strict parents, jeez), and they're gradually coming out, so I just told them it'd be best to just distance themself from anyone who gave them any crap about it. Just surround yourself with positive people, it really helps.
I get dysphoric about my legs on my male days as well, glad to know I'm not the only one. The thing about female jeans is that they are cut/sewn to emphasize curves on the female body. So you would want to find a pair that's somewhat straight and isn't so tight that it emphasizes your hips/thighs/etc.
Yeah, they make a big difference. Just told a third friend, awaiting response. There's no way I'm telling my family anytime soon, but for now my friends are enough. ---------- Post added 5th Jan 2015 at 11:29 PM ---------- Yeah, this is exactly what I feel. Hopefully I can find a good pair next time I go shopping.
